Anna Post on wedding party duties

hlq2011

This came up in the Guest List thread, and I was curious on everyone's thoughts.  We are always telling brides that their wedding party only has to acquire the proper attire and show up, but this link was posted on the subject of wedding party duties.

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/646-inside-weddings-the-wedding-party

Now, it does make the point that the BMs and GMs aren't the B&G's slaves, but it also gives additional responsibilities to the WP.

Emily Post is supposed to be the supreme authority on etiquette, so... what's going on with this?

mica178

I think this is a case of tradition vs. etiquette.  Traditionally, the MOH was the bride's slave.  I don't think slavery's a nice thing to impose upon a close friend or family member, so I choose to not follow that tradition (that's not to say that I didn't accept the help that was offered by my WP -- there's a difference), and I have a strong feeling that general etiquette would agree that is a correct thing.

lyndausvi

If you read the list you will see 90% of the duties fall on the actual wedding day. With the remaining being fittings, attending showers, etc, you know, normally stuff you would do anyway.  

Most of the brides who have problems with their BM are ones who expect their BM to help out MONTHS and YEARS before the wedding on DIY stuff, going to bridal shows and tastings.

opalsky007

Yeah, I was suprised to see that list of duties assigned to the MOH. Most of them weren't crazy or anything, but addressing invitations? Writing placecards? Handling the dress after the wedding? Who even says the MOH is in town to do all of these things?

I appreciate that the list of the responsibilities for bridesmaids was short. I hate that they're listed as being responsible for shoes and accessories, as I feel they're overkill, but thought it interesting that the B&G are expected to cover their lodging. What an odd breakdown, but at least they didn't place all of the financial responsibility on the BMs.

hlq2011

Yeah, I saw that Lynda.  But it also says that the MOH is supposed to help with invitations and things like that.

Mica, that was my interpretation too - tradition vs. etiquette.  But I'm relatively new to etiquette, and it seemed to me that a lot of (though obviously not all) traditions are based in etiquette.

aragx6

"Afterwards, she assists the bride out of her dress"

That's a job for my hubby not my MOH!

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:3affe374-eec6-42a4-91f4-bb6a31a928ba">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I saw that Lynda.  But it also says that the MOH is supposed to help with invitations and things like that. Mica, that was my interpretation too - tradition vs. etiquette.  But I'm relatively new to etiquette, and it seemed to me that a lot of (though obviously not all) traditions are based in etiquette.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>These are just guidelines. I've been a MOH 3 times and all the brides had the invitations professionally done.  So that was even a duty I could have done.. WooHoo.   If I was local as a friend I would have offered anyway.  If I was OOT they would never have excepted me to preform the duty.</div><div>
</div><div> My MOH (sister) helped address my invitations because she wanted to, not because it was 'required' (it might have been because I offered wine <span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /></span><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">).  </span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">I've never seen a MOH 'organize' the BM's attire.  It's always been the bride.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">.  </span></div><div>
</div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:c9b1abd9-f301-40db-a4e6-5993d068d5be">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]"Afterwards, she assists the bride out of her dress" That's a job for my hubby not my MOH!
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

<div>ditto...</div><div>
</div><div>I think that is for those who had a 'going away' dress (like in Steel Magnolias).  </div>

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:9aa80b70-4f54-4046-8255-a0d63fc9e122">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties : ditto... I think that is for those who had a 'going away' dress (like in Steel Magnolias).  
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>Y'all are leaving in your wedding dresses? </div><div>
</div><div>I'm starting to think that I live in some sort of social vestige from the 1950s. Every single one of my friends has left in a cute suit (ie, not business) or dress. </div><div>
</div><div>There's no way my H would be able to figure out my dress..it's just plain too much fabric and buttons and such. My mom is going to help me out of it. I've got an ivory winter suit I'm leaving our reception in.</div>

mica178

I left in my wedding dress.  I thought H would rip the dress for sure given all the tiny buttons in back, but he managed.  :P

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:ba08fecb-408f-4df6-a9b4-1c529014e474">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties : Y'all are leaving in your wedding dresses?  I'm starting to think that I live in some sort of social vestige from the 1950s. Every single one of my friends has left in a cute suit (ie, not business) or dress.  There's no way my H would be able to figure out my dress..it's just plain too much fabric and buttons and such. My mom is going to help me out of it. I've got an ivory winter suit I'm leaving our reception in.
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

<div>yes I left in my wedding dress.  I've never seen a bride wear anything but her wedding dress.</div><div>
</div><div>Figuring out how to get out of the dress with DH was  half the fun <span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />   That and the endless amount of bobby-pins we pulled out of my hair.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">eta - for dyslexia </span></div>

mica178

Lynda -- booby pins? 

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:a1bd1a97-6c76-4c92-8fd6-72e0bc69dbec">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Lynda -- booby pins? 
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

<div>oops.  My damn dyslexia and not proof reading gets me again.</div>

artbyallie

"It’s okay to ask as soon as the engagement is announced"

Uh, no. No, it's really not. That's why so many brides come here bitching about who they picked when they chose a year and a half out.

leia1979

I thought it was interesting that the best man organizes the bachelor party, but no one organizes the bachelorette party, per the article.

I'm not dancing with any of the groomsmen, and I think my BMs' husbands would be put out if they participated in the bouquet toss (not that I'm having one).

GeauxTigers17

I think it can be ok, depending on the length of the engagement. The threads I've seen about that usually have long engagements - well over a year. 

missy68

I danced with a GM at my brother's wedding. It was his new BIL - the wedding couple's siblings, I guess you could say. It would have been fine, except he was a full head taller than me, 19 years old, and looked down my dress the entire time. Mega awkward.  

emilykathleen511

The list is for the attendants, not the bride, as in, yes, there are certain things attendants should do, but the bride shouldn't expect them to the point where she freaks out if someone doesn't. So, yes the attendants do have things they should do, but it should come from them volunteering, not the bride demanding. And if the attendants don't offer, then sorry, it's not going to happen.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:9b9abfa8-7e6f-4f9f-9457-996b5458c9df">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought the MOH was supposed to hold the bride's dress while she pees.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Mine did, and I love her for it!</div>

john&julie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anna-post-wedding-party-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a68d74af-c8f2-4fc8-b879-86b00482f3a9Post:019783e2-97d7-4f4e-a97d-300fd3f63013">Re: Anna Post on wedding party duties</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought it was interesting that the best man organizes the bachelor party, but no one organizes the bachelorette party, per the article. I'm not dancing with any of the groomsmen, and I think my BMs' husbands would be put out if they participated in the bouquet toss (not that I'm having one).
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

Keep in mind, the concept of the bachelorette party is fairly new, so that's probably why it doesn't say the MOH plans it.  As an engagement gift, I got one of those big wedding planning binder things - it never once mentioned the bachelorette party, just the bachelor party.  The general idea was that the boys go off for their bachelor craziness while the girls are all prim and proper at a shower.  To each her own, but since a lot of my BMs and close friends live out of town and probably can't attend both a shower and the bachelorette party, I have made it clear that if they have to choose one, they should choose the bachelorette party.  It will be much more fun!  (and while MOHs are planning it, I in no way asked or expected them to - that was their choice and I just consider myself extremely fortunate to have such wonderful friends).