Rude Aunt

Trow0022

I just got an RSVP back for my wedding from my Aunt, and she tacked on an extra guest- the girlfriend of my cousin- who definitely wasn't invited.  It's very possible my cousin is living with this girl- I don't keep in touch with them at all and haven't seen him since I was a really little kid.  Is it my fault for not knowing he has someone, and the bad etiquette is on my end, or is it super rude of her to just add a guest without asking me?  What should I do?

jemmini6

How old is your cousin?  Is your cousin even invited?

If he's over 18 (which I assume he is since you said he might be living with his GF), he should have been given his own invite, and his girlfriend absolutely would have been included on it.

If's he's under 18, then you don't need to invite his GF.  And if you didn't intend to invite your cousin at all, then obviously neither would you invite his GF.

egm900

If she is an SO (girlfriend, living together or not), then she should have been invited if your cousin is an adult (which it sounds like he is since they might be living together).  I would call aunt and cousin and apologize for not including her, and say of course she is more than welcome.

aurianna

I'm confused though: Did you invite the cousin and not his girlfriend and your aunt added her onto her invite?
Or did you not invite the cousin either?

In either case it was rude of her to add on a guest without saying anything.
However if you did invite your cousin it was rude of you not to invite his girlfriend (assuming cousin is over 18 which I assume he is based on living together comment). Anyone who you don't know for sure is single or not, you find out before you mail the invites.

HockeyFan4

yup...you should have called and found out before you sent out invites.  Since that ship has sailed, call and apologize and welcome the gf.

Trow0022

My mom called my aunt and asked about my cousin (yes he's over 18), because I needed an address for him, I knew to send him a separate invite, I'm not that big of an idiot- but he still gets his mail at their house, so she said include him on her invite.  She didn't say anything about a girlfriend at that time.  This is a total shock.

egm900

Eh, it happens, I wouldn't get too upset over it.  The main thing is that you make room for her, and just offer a brief apology- I'm sorry Aunt Sally, I didn't realize JJ was seeing anyone!  Of course, Judy is more than welcome to join us, I look forward to meeting her!

andrea2473

Well, she's right that the GF should be included, but she didn't handle it tactfully.  It's rude just to add someone.  It would have been more curteous for her (or your cousin, really) to call and make you aware of the GF and ask if it's okay for her to come.      I can't tell if you tried to find out about SOs or not, but if you didn't, then you should have.  

aurianna

Your wedding guest- you probably should have called, or at least assured that your mother asked the specific question about cousin's relationship status.

Also, whether he lives at home or not, he's over 18 and should have gotten his own invite.

But that's under the bridge now (just keep in mind for if you plan a future child's wedding some day )

Your cousin should have called you up and said something along the lines of "Trow0022, we just got your wedding invitation and we're super excited to come! But I noticed that my girlfriend wasn't on the invite and I wondered if she was invited to?"

So lots of people, not just you, dropped the ball here.
Just call up your cousin (or I guess your aunt??) and apologize; say you had no idea he had a girlfriend and you'll be happy to see all three of them at the wedding.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-aunt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6af0e89-d91b-4826-9b23-bbbf15a34c14Post:6ff5ef42-830f-46fa-90c0-9a22879bfc35">Re: Rude Aunt</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom called my aunt and asked about my cousin (yes he's over 18), because I needed an address for him, I knew to send him a separate invite, I'm not that big of an idiot- but he still gets his mail at their house, so she said include him on her invite.  She didn't say anything about a girlfriend at that time.  This is a total shock.
Posted by Trow0022[/QUOTE]

So if I'm understanding this correctly, you didn't know he had a girlfriend, nor was it mentioned when your mom called for an address? 

If that's the case, it looks like it was just an oversight.  Perhaps your aunt thought you already knew, and your mom didn't know to ask.  Regardless, it was sort of rude for your aunt to just write in her name without calling to clarify, but if it's his girlfriend, then she should have been included in the first place.

Moral of the story, yes, the GF needs to be included, no matter how it came up.  Call them an apologize for not including her on the invite as you weren't aware he was seeing anyone, and then inform them that of course she's invited and you look forward to seeing them all there.

JennluvsPaul

Anyone else think it it downright WEIRD for the aunt to say the GF is her plus one? why the heck didn't the cousin call about his own girlfriend, or say she was HIS plus 1? Was she trying to make some kind of point?

ThankfulSnail

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-aunt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6af0e89-d91b-4826-9b23-bbbf15a34c14Post:8e42e960-72d9-4663-8828-0d965248d697">Re: Rude Aunt</a>:
[QUOTE]Anyone else think it it downright WEIRD for the aunt to say the GF is her plus one? why the heck didn't the cousin call about his own girlfriend, or say she was HIS plus 1? Was she trying to make some kind of point?
Posted by JennluvsPaul[/QUOTE]
If I'm reading correctly, per the aunt's request, the aunt and the cousin were on the invitation, so the aunt was sending the RSVP not just for herself and the girlfriend, but for herself, her son, and her son's girlfriend.

ErBear1010

We actually didn't allow cousins of FI family to bring dates because they are out of state (halfway across the country) and due to the large amount of them, it would have made the wedding larger than our budget and FI doesn't see them very often at all. They were VERY rude about it and slammed us on FB but FI stuck up for us. One cousin, after the whole FB fiasco blew over, still RSVP'd for her and her BF. FI facebooked her and said no. I was proud but I wasn't a huge fan of his family and this made it frustrating.

Lesson to that was: See how many people it would add, how close you are to them, and if the budget allows. 

bonge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-aunt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6af0e89-d91b-4826-9b23-bbbf15a34c14Post:3b829e88-d258-464a-8d06-6c8591c8a65a">Re: Rude Aunt</a>:
[QUOTE]We actually didn't allow cousins of FI family to bring dates because they are out of state (halfway across the country) and due to the large amount of them, it would have made the wedding larger than our budget and FI doesn't see them very often at all. <strong>They were VERY rude about it and slammed us on FB but FI stuck up for us. One cousin, after the whole FB fiasco blew over, still RSVP'd for her and her BF. FI facebooked her and said no</strong>. I was proud but I wasn't a huge fan of his family and this made it frustrating. Lesson to that was: See how many people it would add, how close you are to them, and if the budget allows. 
Posted by ErBear1010[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>They were the rude ones? Give your head a shake, you did not invite significant others, just wait until it is done to you. Karma!</div><div>
</div><div>Do not listen to this advice anyone, it is horrible

</div>

ErBear1010

We didn't invite SO of the cousins who my FI rarely sees and isn't close to. He actually didn't even want to invite that part of the whole family due to the drama they tend to create but for obvious reasons, he had to invite them. The SOs of family and individuals who are over 18 were absolutely invited, including the boyfriend of his sister who had been dating one week at the time of her rsvp. None of the cousins are over 18, none of the SO are "live in" SOs, and we had the support of the adults on that side of the family. We wanted a small wedding and this would have added too many people for our venue.