Dress Code

housewifehobbiest

I know you can't specify a dress code for your guests (unless its black tie), but would it be ok to "suggest one"?

My wedding is in late June, in the afternoon, on a farm (an actual dirty, animal filled, working farm that guests will be able to walk around and explore if they would like).  The ceremony will be outdoors under a covered pavilion, and the reception will be in a barn with that is VERY well air conditioned.I'm planning on a very casual atmosphere (BBQ, bridesmaids in sun dresses, dessert table instead of a cake). 


I wanted to put something on my wedding website about it being "dressy casual".  I've already had friends concerned about being over or under dressed because to them the event (weddings=formal) and the timing/location (afternoon BBQ=casual) don't add up. I wanted to let everyone know about what temperatures to expect so they'll know to bring a wrap if they get chilly in AC. 

I don't want to put any demands on my guests- if they want to wear a cocktail dress and heels they're welcome to- but I do want everyone comfortable enough to have a good time.

dumdumfroggie

I would not put anything about attire on the website.  I'd just let it spread by word of mouth.

If you put the location (maybe include pictures of it as well), people should be able to figure it out.

aragx6

I think that if you give enough details about the venue on your website people will be able to guess what they should wear in order to be comfortable. Honestly dressy casual is so vague as to make me question even more than I might have already what is appropriate.

kcscejal

I don't think "dressy casual" is any less confusing.

krizzo17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-code-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a71a6bdf-e9c0-44e5-a727-021f8c67c605Post:f2888932-3d92-42c1-bc04-28d8b0838ab9">Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you can't specify a dress code for your guests (unless its black tie), but would it be ok to "suggest one"? My wedding is in late June, in the afternoon, on <strong>a farm (an actual dirty, animal filled, working farm that guests will be able to walk around and explore if they would like).  The ceremony will be outdoors under a covered pavilion, and the reception will be in a barn with that is VERY well air conditioned</strong>.I'm planning on a very casual atmosphere (BBQ, bridesmaids in sun dresses, dessert table instead of a cake).  I wanted to put something on my wedding website about it being "dressy casual".  I've already had friends concerned about being over or under dressed because to them the event (weddings=formal) and the timing/location (afternoon BBQ=casual) don't add up. let everyone know about the temperatures to expect so they'll know to bring a wrap if they get chilly in AC.  I don't want to put any demands on my guests- if they want to wear a cocktail dress and heels they're welcome to- but I do want everyone comfortable enough to have a good time.
Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

I'd just put a description like this on your website if you're afraid they will think its very casual or don't realize how much of a "farm" it really is, but don't mention attire. Like your friend, anyone who is unsure of what to wear will consult you or your family.

adamar15

What does your invitation look like?  If it matches the level of formality of your wedding I think you'll be fine.  FWIW, I had a very simple, beachy-looking invitation and everyone was dressed appropriately (that I noticed, anyways).

redheadfsu

Just explain the venue on the website. That it is a wonderful working farm. People will understand that much better than you putting a certain attire on the website, because that attire doesn't clarify anything.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-code-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a71a6bdf-e9c0-44e5-a727-021f8c67c605Post:3f8043f4-3771-456f-b4eb-6875aa0f81ba">Re: Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think "dressy casual" is any less confusing.
Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]

I agree.

lyndausvi

This was my only etiquette no-no and I would do it again in a heartbeat because of the positive responses we got.

Basically both are families are weddings = semi-formal or formal attire. Having it on Saturday means you step it up a notch.  The only people who did not have a large Catholic mass wedding with a full meal, open bar, dancing receptions had JOP weddings.  Seriously, there was never a middle ground.  You either had a quicky JOP or you went all out.

DH and I wanted a sunset beach wedding.  DH refused, like flat out not even up for discussion refused to wear a jacket or tie, let alone a tux.  

Knowing that no one in the family had ever attended a beach wedding, we were still getting married on a Saturday night.  We were still having an premium open bar, full sit-down meal, dancing, etc we felt it was our duty to 'dress down the guests' to match the groom's lack of formality even though everything else would suggest a more formal attire.

In the invitation packet we had an FYI section.  Along with transportation and other stuff we simple mentioned that  jacket and ties were not required.  There would be a shoe valet for the ceremony, etc.

It was VERY well received.

rebarobert2012

If you describe the venue, I think that most reasonable guests should be able to make an appropriate attire choice.

ElisabethJoanne

I'm kinda with lynda. All the "hints" mentioned here will likely work for women. But I know men who will still be confused. Some might show up in actual farm work clothes. Others will think "dress" means a shiny tie and fancy shoes.

I don't know how to get the message to the men, who will want you to be very specific, but I don't mind giving them the message.

But, of course, I'm in the minority and contrary to the etiquette books (which are all written by women for women).

lyndausvi

I guess I see things differently.   When I lived in the islands I worked for a 5 star hotel.  We had weddings about 5 days a week.   Half of the time the attire was on the more casual side (khakis, button downs, sundresses).   The other half of the time the attire was semi-formal or even formal.   Same venue, same food, same booze, same time of the day, the couple just had a different view of formality when it came to their beach wedding.

If your wedding is 'out-of-the-norm' (ie. Barn wedding, beach wedding,etc) for your guests I can see how they might be 'confused' on attire. So I do not find it a cardinal sin to 'guide' them in the correct directon.

Now if you are having a church wedding and a hotel reception, I think it's more obvious what the attire would be.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-code-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a71a6bdf-e9c0-44e5-a727-021f8c67c605Post:3f8043f4-3771-456f-b4eb-6875aa0f81ba">Re: Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think "dressy casual" is any less confusing.
Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]

That is the EXACT phrasing my dad gave me for my SM's HOF induction that was held last weekend, and I ran straight to TK to find out WTF it meant. Don't use it. Please.

(FTR, FI and I wound up dressing in "business casual" - me in a skirt & sweater, FI in slacks and a button down... and we wound up completely overdressed.)

Cortney1982

I wouldn't put down the dress code in words.  I think people can take their cues from the location and the invite to dress appropriately.

Starfish0116

You'd be surprised how many people I see show up to beach weddings in heels.

I would just put a section about the ceremony site on your website. 

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-code-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a71a6bdf-e9c0-44e5-a727-021f8c67c605Post:79bb18a4-2409-45a9-b634-3a69840dc922">Re: Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]You'd be surprised how many people I see show up to beach weddings in heels. ;) I would just put a section about the ceremony site on your website. 
Posted by Starfish0116[/QUOTE]

<div>So true.  Or the guys guys who show up in full suits in 90 degree weather when the groom and groomsmen are in silk button downs and khakies.   Lucky for them they can just take off the coat and tie, but there are always comments like... "I wish I had known I didn't need to wear a jacket"</div><div>
</div><div>The opposite has happened also.  People come in something a little more causal only too see everyone else dressed up.  Word of mouth does not always work and it being different than they are use to it can become confusing to some people.</div>

housewifehobbiest

Thanks girls!  You've given me a lot to think about!

I'll scratch "dressy casual".  I'm in hospitality so dress codes come easily to me, but that is clearly not the case with everyone.

My dad keeps "joking" about wearing overalls; thank God my mother dresses him for events.  I would die laughing if someone took him seriously and wore farm clothes.  Best.Wedding.Gift.Ever.

And thank you for not flaming me for pulling a "I know you're not supposed to but my situation is special".  I swear I'm just trying to make sure everyone is comfortable!

cindyn9178

It is a website, not the invitation. I don't see anything wrong with explaining on the website about the venue and how to dress. Not telling people HOW to dress or what they HAVE to wear..but I don't understand the need for beating around the bush and giving hints. I agree that "dressy casual" is confusing, but I see nothing wrong with saying something like "Women - feel free to wear a sundress and comfortable shoes. Men - blah blah blah... There will be AC as well, etc". (not this exact wording obviously)..

misssunshine17

As someone who always gets cold in high AC, I wouldn't think twice about it being written on your website. 

misssunshine17

As someone who always gets cold in high AC, I wouldn't think twice about it being written on your website. 

KatoNorway

The "working" barn wedding I attended had a very "down to earth/ causal" invitation and it mentioned hay rides, a petting zoo, horseback riding, barbecue ect. It also mentioned if you don't want to ruin your good clothes, leave them at home. I can't remember the exact wording, but I didn't find it offensive at all.
Again, I know it was an etiquette no no, but I think everyone was relieved to get the heads up. If you don't want to risk pas , then mention it word of mouth.

hansa11

Like others have mentioned, word of mouth or a description of the venue on the website (and then letting people draw their own conclusions on what they think would be comfortable and appropriate) are the way to go.  Just like with registries and anything other questions guests would have, they'll find a way to ask if they're still unsure. I would have been confused by dressy casual too.

We had a casual wedding with the reception in a barn too and since we didn't have a wedding website, I spread word of mouth that the ceremony would be outdoors on grass.  In the days leading up to the wedding, the weather report was looking worse and worse and was calling for a lot of rain and unseasonably cold weather.  I ended up sending out an e-mail to everyone I had e-mail addresses for to give them a head's up about the weather forecast and reminded them that although we would hold both the ceremony and the reception in the barn if it rained, the barn was not heated and to dress accordingly.  I was worried that people wouldn't know there'd be no heated area to go warm up in if it was colder than they had expected it would be.