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Let's vent about our FI/Hs

I'll start.

My H is driving me crazy right now!  My bff is married to his very good friend, they introduced us way back when.  Anyway, it's the guy's birthday and my bff planned a surprise party for him tonight at their house.  My H and I have to go and let people in and whatever.  It's just cake and coffee with us and some of the guy's family.  No big deal.  My H is making a big hairy deal about not wanting to go.  Dude, it's YOUR friend's birthday party!  Suck it up!  He can be such a pain when it comes to doing something he didn't plan or want to do.  I finally just told him, look when it comes to friendships sometimes you do what the other person wants to do or you do something FOR the other person.  I swear, his mother (as much as I love her) never taught him that.  Ugh.

Okay, now you go.
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Re: Let's vent about our FI/Hs

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    Well the usually leaves the toilet seat up and socks on the floor... ALWAYS.

    wants to visit our parents way too much! it drives me nuts.

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    My FI says he's going to do something, then forgets to do it and gives me sad eyes when I get upset about it.  Then nothing is done, and I feel like a jerk for getting upset.  Ugh.

    It doesn't drive me crazy when he forgets to do something if he's being productive in other areas or if he was busy with work.  When he forgets to wash the dishes because he's playing Fable, Halo 3, or online poker, yeah, I get irritated.
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    My husband is really stressed out over this comic job he got, its a lot of work and although the pages he did have been approved the cover wasnt. He is getting really moody because his "vision" isnt being "gotten" by the head honcho - so he keeps fiddling with it and NOT doing what is being approved because is in a snit because he wants to be artistic. I tried telling him to do what will make the production company happy, it doesnt matter if he gets it or not. He in turn decided to be snippy with me. Im sick of his frigging mood over this.
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    He is a borderline hypochondriac. My daughter had the flu, and he was CONVINCED that the little sniffles he had were going to turn into the flu. Yeah, no. He had the sniffles. And I am absolutely certain he got this from his mother. Love her to death, but she's the same damn way.
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    H is a completely different person when he is around his family.  His job "refined" him nicely.  If he had been exhibiting these behaviors when we met he wouldn't have gotten past hello. 

    I am thankful we will be living on the opposite side of the country.
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    I hate his job so much.  It's great in the fact that it is stable, they pay for his health insurance, and the money is decent, but it stresses him out so much that it stresses me out.  He started smoking again once when he started working there because one of his coworkers smokes like a chimney, and he's always cranky and never in the mood for anything when he gets home.  He also has to go on call one week a month, which means he gets even angrier and stressed out, and I constantly get woken up in the middle of the night when his phone goes off.

    I just wish he would learn how to leave all the stress of his work there and not have it completely take over our home life.

    I also could go on a huge rant about his smoking, but I've done that before.
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    Honey, you've had the kitchen taped to be painted for months and we have house guests WEDNESDAY.  Is it possible for you to maybe do that this weekend?



    And (relating to my post the other night), I know you don't think talking to your mother will get her to change how she is, but when I verbally let you know that something is bothering me and you do nothing, the impression is that you don't care that your mother's actions make me feel horrible.  Your BIL will be here in four days.  Strength in numbers in addressing the situation!

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    [QUOTE]My FI says he's going to do something, then forgets to do it and gives me sad eyes when I get upset about it.  Then nothing is done, and I feel like a jerk for getting upset.  Ugh.
    Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

    This!
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    OK, so I threw up in the sink about two weeks ago.  Clogged it right up (sorry, gross).  Well, I offered to take care of it but DH said he would.  He's tried various drain cleaners, snaking, etc.  Nothing has worked.  He still hasn't called a plumber.  I haven't been able to use the sink in two weeks.  This is getting really old. 
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    Arb - my H is the same way with his job.  I can't tell you how many times I've told him he needs to leave that stuff at work when he walks out the door, and he just can't do it.  He's an angry person because of it, and goes through periods of depression.  I hate it.

    aMrs - wow, that's serious.  I didn't expect to hear you say that. 
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    I'm mad at FI right now because he took 2 days off from work this week, got to hang out at home yesterday, and is now on his way to Vegas. And I can't join him until after I get done with work today!

    In all seriousness, I've been angry at him lately because, while he makes a very decent salary, his debt is getting larger. And we have a wedding to pay for. He might (hopefully will) get a raise soon. And I told him, "It would be REALLY nice if you put that extra money towards your credit card or savings," which he claims he will do. However, we love treating ourselves to things like meals out, or mini weekend trips (hello Vegas), so his attitude is mainly, "Eh, I guess our money ends up going somewhere..." which is not the attitude that I think is appropriate to have if we ever want kids or to own our own home. As it is, I'm stretching myself and putting things on my CC for the wedding and I'm the one with the tiny salary.
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    [QUOTE]H is a completely different person when he is around his family.  His job "refined" him nicely.  If he had been exhibiting these behaviors when we met he wouldn't have gotten past hello.  I am thankful we will be living on the opposite side of the country.
    Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

    It's a little like this with DH...  except that he's more social around his family and friends, and he's crazy quiet and even a little awkward around my family and people he doesn't know well.  Even though we've been together forever and he knows my family very well, he's still all awkward around them, which gets me annoyed when we spend much time around my family.  Ugh! 
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    merymac - can you take over the money?  That's what I had to do for my H when we were just engaged.  His credit card bumped his rate up to like 29% or something because he always paid late.  I took control of all of the bills, made him write me a check for the bills plus extra for savings, and then he kept the rest and could spend the rest of his money on whatever he wanted.  That worked out great for us.  Now that we're married, I just put a certain amount every two weeks into his checking account as his spending money and I keep the rest to pay bills and put money into savings.  It works well for us, but he's more than willing to let me do it.
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    Oh wait, aMrs, I think I misunderstood.  I thought you were saying you are happy that you and he will be living across the country from each other!  I think you were saying you are happy you guys together will be living across the country from his family right?  Wow, big reading comprehension fail on my part!  Sorry!
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    [QUOTE]Now that we're married, I just put a certain amount every two weeks into his checking account as his spending money and I keep the rest to pay bills and put money into savings.
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    I know more than one couple who has implemented this sort of system and it's worked out wonderfully for them - probably even saved their marriages.  So long as everything is above the table and the person getting the allowance doesn't feel shorted, it really can be a great system. 
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    FI is a DVR Nazi.  He likes to ration what shows I can record, when it gets deleted, and how long I can keep it saved. He will delete my shows and unrecord shows and then pretends that he didn't.  It drives me insane.  He gets upset that the queue is clogged.  Seriously, dude, what the hell else are you supposed to do with a DVR, but record shows. 
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    Dani and Arbs - I'm the same way as your DHs so I'm sure he has the same complaint about me.  If they find a way to deal with it, I'd love to hear about it.

    DH has a crappy memory and doesn't always pay attention to things.  I have a really good memory and pay attention to everything so it drives me crazy when he asks me about something we've talked about 3 times already.  In turn, he doesn't understand why I can't just repeat myself.  Again.  Vicious circle.
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    FI cops an attitude with his dad because he hates to talk about stuff that is bothering him. His mom and dad are divoced and both are depressed alcholics, but his dad is tolerable when he takes his meds. FI is not impressed with their sadness. I don't know what he expects from them.

    FFIL is coming to our house this year for Thanksgiving. He and FI will no doubt argue, loudly, in Romanian, the whole time he is here. FI bought his ticket, and I though he would just be here wed-sat... no, he's here until monday. I swear they like to make each other miserable. I have no idea how I will entertain his father for 6 days.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-vent-fihs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a74ac6b1-fa1f-4ea1-bbb2-6a762a6f061fPost:90f768d9-6c4f-4421-90a9-8ce08f219164">Re: Let's vent about our FI/Hs</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know more than one couple who has implemented this sort of system and it's worked out wonderfully for them - probably even saved their marriages.  So long as everything is above the table and the person getting the allowance doesn't feel shorted, it really can be a great system. 
    Posted by ScarletGem[/QUOTE]

    Right, he has complete access online and at the bank to all of our accounts, so he could check the balances at any time or get money any time he needed extra.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-vent-fihs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a74ac6b1-fa1f-4ea1-bbb2-6a762a6f061fPost:0d50b4b4-0130-4e1a-867e-7be205f4f7aa">Re: Let's vent about our FI/Hs</a>:
    [QUOTE] aMrs - wow, that's serious.  I didn't expect to hear you say that. 
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    With him away, I've had a lot of time to review this.  <em>Sorry if this sounds too snobby...</em>
    From what I can gather from family stories, it seeems his mom married "down".  His siblings were raised with Dad around.  H is 10 years younger than his next oldest sibling.  Dad left when H was 5, so he was raised by his mom only.  I think the WTT behavior comes from "trying to fit in with the cooler older sibs" and of course when he's around them he just falls back into it.

    Gawd, I sound awful...
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    FI doesn't do his laundry regularly and complains when he has no clean socks or boxers.  Um, yeah, they're not gonna magically clean themselves in the hamper and show up in your drawer. 

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    aMrs - I hope you saw my post where I corrected myself.  I totally misunderstood your original post!
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    I asked DH what day was ok for our Christmas party at the house. He said the day I picked was fine so I sent out evites. Turns out that day is NOT fine and he just wasn't really listening to me. Had to rescind/reschedule all of the invites yesterday.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-vent-fihs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a74ac6b1-fa1f-4ea1-bbb2-6a762a6f061fPost:f6315703-0ade-4cc1-9bf8-6f417bd82f59">Re: Let's vent about our FI/Hs</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh wait, aMrs, I think I misunderstood.  I thought you were saying you are happy that you and he will be living across the country from each other!  I think you were saying you are happy you guys together will be living across the country from his family right?  Wow, big reading comprehension fail on my part!  Sorry!
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    I totally read it that way too.  I was thinking, Whoa there.
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    H is so irresponsible with his money. He has no idea where it goes, and neither do I. We haven't merged checking accounts, yet, but are planning to. I'm paying all our bills from my account and am doing just fine, and he doesn't have any money. How is that??
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-vent-fihs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a74ac6b1-fa1f-4ea1-bbb2-6a762a6f061fPost:90f768d9-6c4f-4421-90a9-8ce08f219164">Re: Let's vent about our FI/Hs</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know more than one couple who has implemented this sort of system and it's worked out wonderfully for them - probably even saved their marriages.  So long as everything is above the table and the person getting the allowance doesn't feel shorted, it really can be a great system. 
    Posted by ScarletGem[/QUOTE]

    We do this. I'm the one who makes less and is not as good with money. DH and I have worked out a system that will have all of my debt paid off in a year. I get an allowance every week that's plenty. It's going to be a tight year, but it'll be so worth it when our in-pocket money is doubled.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-vent-fihs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a74ac6b1-fa1f-4ea1-bbb2-6a762a6f061fPost:f3958a67-1685-483e-8dc3-ae6d49340bf9">Re: Let's vent about our FI/Hs</a>:
    [QUOTE]aMrs - I hope you saw my post where I corrected myself.  I totally misunderstood your original post!
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    Dani/Coco, I can see how that got misunderstood.  I missed a whole word "from his FAMILY"

    If things ever get so bad that I want to be far away from him, it will be across continents, hemispheres and the international date line.  I do still own my home in the states ;-)
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    Dani - I'll talk about it with him. Some more. He pays more than the minimum on his card every month, but moving several times (including to NZ, then home, then to LA, then into our apartment and buying furniture), made the debt spiral out of control. He's started budgeting in certain ways ($100 a week for groceries) and we try to eat at home, but, for example, he wanted to go to this speakeasy party a few weeks ago and tickets were $75 each. It's stuff like that we really need to work on. He's 35, so he's been managing his money for years. He's just not really a "saver." Another example: we both decided if we have kids, we will help them substantially with college. my thought is that I will save from the time they're born, put that money in an interest bearing account, and pay what bills I can. His is that we'll just take out a huge loan in our own names and hopefully die before it all needs to be paid off.

    So far, even though we've lived together for almost two years, we have separate accounts and things we're responsible for paying. Maybe we'll open a household account now that we're engaged and put money there for our bills. Then I'll try to convince him to cut back enough to make paying the CC down a priority. I'm guilty of enjoying going out too much, too.

    At least we can talk about it. It's just frustrating that little ever gets done.
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    I should say that my FI's housekeeping skills in general are worth complaining about.
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    I've been sitting here thinking about this, and my only vents about J are minor ones.

    He thinks flowers are "wasteful" and only sends them when he has to - like Valentine's and our anniversary.  He said he'd rather take me to a movie or dinner or buy me socks (which I love).  I LOVE flowers. He can't get that.

    He "nags" me starting around 10 to shut down the computer and start getting ready for bed during the week. Which I've asked him to do, but it's still obnoxious. Plus, I know I need to, which makes it more obnoxious. :)

    I want a new bed for us - a LOT. I hate the 70s style waterbed he has. With a passion. We keep planning on a new one, then think of something else to do with the wedding money we got, and it's dwindling. Now, we're talking about tax return money, and I think we'll have another use for it.

    No major gripes.  And I answered the awesome poll first, because he truly is awesome, and like Brie, he could probably vent more about me.
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