Wedding Etiquette Forum

Monday night wedding recap for anyone who's interested/words of caution to future brides

So, I told everyone here I would let everyone know how the Monday night shotgun wedding turned out. I was expecting somewhat of a disaster, and while I wasn't completely right (after all, they did get married, and that's what it was all about) their wedding/reception was almost a textbook example of how to piss 100 people off at once.

I will fully admit that after my wedding, I have become somewhat of a wedding "snob", and I judge things a little harder after hanging around these boards, but this was just ridiculous from the beginning.

First, the whole Monday night thing. Who the heck gets married on a Monday???
We got our invitation last week as did everyone else. No RSVP card, no clue as to how to get in touch with anyone. DH texted the groom to let him know.

Then, we get there, and the site was pretty beautiful. Not my thing, at all, but for people that like the idea of getting married in a barn, it was a beautiful place.

The ceremony was nice, I didn't understand why she picked the traditional bridal recessional as her processional, but if that's what she wanted, whatever. My biggest qualm was the fact that half the time we couldn't hear the officiant, and then he'd yell "can I get an amen???" and everyone would look around confused, not sure what we were amen-ing.

After the wedding, the DJ announced that they were going to flip the barn into a reception hall, so all of the guests needed to wait outside....and this is where it went downhill. It was 103 degrees out. No drinks were offered, we just stood around for over 45 minutes while they flipped the room. If that wasn't bad enough, at first we were all huddled under the awning trying to stay in the shade, and someone came and told us that we needed to move, because the bride and groom wanted pictures there. So we all got to stand in the sun for the rest of the time.
After we finally get to go in, and we've all sweated through our clothes, we realize that there is a severe shortage of tables. They only had about half as many tables as they needed, so we weren't able to eat at a table.

They did provide dinner, but DH and I were slightly worried about going through the buffet line, because there didn't seem to be enough food, at all. In the end, they apparently had just enough, but that was with someone serving child size portions onto the plates.

Everything else was negligible, the DJ was pretty rude and overly rambunctious for the mood, didn't play appropriate music, etc, but that wasn't their fault. They didn't announce the cutting up the cake, so no one really knew it was happening, we just looked up from the buffet line, and they were cutting it. There were several older children thundering around the upstairs, which echoed through the whole building, even over the music, and no one seemed to know how to restrain them.

All in all, Its just pretty obvious that she underestimated her guest list, and that she really didn't take the time to think of the logistics of what her guests would be doing, or really, how to treat guests at a wedding. I think the thing that stood out to me, is that no one really seemed to be that happy. Everyone looked pissed, or at the very best, apathetic to the whole thing. During the migration out to the sun, I heard one guest remark that he felt like we were a herd of cattle.

Mainly, I wanted to write this so any future brides who are reading these boards will see this and know to not underestimate their guest list, and to just...plan better. People are going to notice, they are going to be pissed, and no, they aren't going to just be happy to be there for your day. Maybe your Mother, but no one else is going to be happy about not having a table to sit at, and having to wait in the heat for almost an hour.

I think that a lot of brides think that everyone should be "honored" to attend their wedding, when really, it should be the other way around. You should be honored to have friends and family that support your life and marriage, and your reception is a reflection of that.

Re: Monday night wedding recap for anyone who's interested/words of caution to future brides

  • Interesting. Very interesting.
  • Sounds like a clusterfuck. 
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  • Yikes, thanks for the words of wisdom.
  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    I'm glad this was local for you (or at least it sounds local?)  If I had traveled even a little bit for a wedding like this I'd be PISSED.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monday-night-wedding-recap-for-anyone-whos-interestedwords-of-caution-to-future-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7817c7d-96ea-448a-b40f-597d90433fc4Post:acb4de87-5a35-4352-9e28-8a7694750d15">Re: Monday night wedding recap for anyone who's interested/words of caution to future brides</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm glad this was local for you (or at least it sounds local?)  If I had traveled even a little bit for a wedding like this I'd be PISSED.
    Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]



    It was a ten minute drive, and I was still pissed. It's not that hard to make accommodations for guests in the heat. There was an elderly lady out there with all of us, dressed in a long sleeved, dark blue dress...I felt so sorry for her, and one of DH's friends remarked that she didn't look strong enough to make it to the end of the reception. Probably the worst wedding experience I have ever had.
  • This sounds terrible.  
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  • They probably figured that with the wedding being such short notice and on a Monday night, way fewer people would show up. Big mistake. I would just left while they were flipping the venue, TBH. 
  • Wow.  And I thought we had it bad when we had to wait over an hour for the bride and groom to show up to the reception at the last wedding we went to.  At least we were inside in a climate controlled room with just barely enough chairs for everyone!
  • edited June 2012
    My wedding is next Sat. evening outside in this unforgiving west Texas heat. It's in the 100's all this week, so I can only imagine that it will be about the same (if not hotter) next week. I want my guests to be as comfortable as they can for the 30-45 mins. that our ceremony lasts, esp. considering there's not much shade at our venue either :(

    I will have plenty of ice, cold bottled waters available and my programs are fan programs. I'm trying to keep my cermony as short as possible, making sure I'm not late (getting ready on site and arriving way in advance). I can't think of anything else I can do to help make sure they stay as comfortable as possible...but I pray that even at it's worst, it's nothing like OP had to go through!

    Thank goodness our reception is indoors and has heavenly airconditioning lol!

    ETA: We will have plenty of extra chairs available just in case too!
  • In Response to Re:Monday night wedding recap for anyone who's interested/words of caution to future brides:[QUOTE]My wedding is next Sat. eveningnbsp;outside in this unforgiving west Texas heat. I can't think of anything else I can do to help make sure they stay as comfortable as possible...Posted by rkw0717[/QUOTE]

    Get big fans that mist. My Brother's rehearsal dinner was last July outside in Texas. We used one of those fans rented and not even the people from California who almost fainted when they walked out the airport doors were complaining about the heat.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monday-night-wedding-recap-for-anyone-whos-interestedwords-of-caution-to-future-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7817c7d-96ea-448a-b40f-597d90433fc4Post:517bed2d-d479-4487-8a2b-d902b1f728b5">Re: Monday night wedding recap for anyone who's interested/words of caution to future brides</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding is next Sat. evening outside in this unforgiving west Texas heat. It's in the 100's all this week, so I can only imagine that it will be about the same (if not hotter) next week. I want my guests to be as comfortable as they can for the 30-45 mins. that our ceremony lasts, esp. considering there's not much shade at our venue either :( I will have plenty of ice, cold bottled waters available and my programs are fan programs. I'm trying to keep my cermony as short as possible, making sure I'm not late (getting ready on site and arriving way in advance). I can't think of anything else I can do to help make sure they stay as comfortable as possible...but I pray that even at it's worst, it's nothing like OP had to go through! Thank goodness our reception is indoors and has heavenly airconditioning lol! ETA: We will have plenty of extra chairs available just in case too!
    Posted by rkw0717[/QUOTE]

    TBH, I don't understand anyone that would subject their guests to an outdoor wedding in summer heat. I'm not saying its wrong, just that, personally, if you KNOW its going to be 100+ degrees out, I don't get why you would choose an outdoor wedding. But at least you are making an effort to make them comfortable...
  • We really didn't have much choice...our original venue fell through and there wasn't much availability left by the time we had to find another place. The place we are having it now is gorgeous, but of course in the heat. There used to be beautiful trees and grass all in the area that helped with the sun and the heat, but they have since paved it and cut down the trees (ugh).

    All we can do is try our best to help keep our guests cool with what we have.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monday-night-wedding-recap-for-anyone-whos-interestedwords-of-caution-to-future-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7817c7d-96ea-448a-b40f-597d90433fc4Post:e974cf71-2d4a-4972-bae3-866408323a43">Monday night wedding recap for anyone who's interested/words of caution to future brides</a>:
    [QUOTE] Mainly, I wanted to write this so any future brides who are reading these boards will see this and know to not underestimate their guest list, and to just...plan better. People are going to notice, they are going to be pissed, and no, they aren't going to just be happy to be there for your day. Maybe your Mother, but no one else is going to be happy about not having a table to sit at, and having to wait in the heat for almost an hour. I think that a lot of brides think that everyone should be "honored" to attend their wedding, when really, it should be the other way around. You should be honored to have friends and family that support your life and marriage, and your reception is a reflection of that.
    Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]


    "Can I get an amen???"  hehehe...couldn't help myself!
    I think the most important thing when planning is to put yourself in your guest's place.  If you were the guest, what would you like?  Personally, if I had to wait in the hot, hot sun for that long, I would have left!
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  • Some of those details sound eerily familiar to a wedding I went to a couple of months ago.  There were not enough tables, so my fiance and I had nowhere to sit.  When my fiance told the mother of the bride, she had a "not my problem" response.  My fiance went outside, grabbed two folding chairs that had been used for the ceremony, and brought them in.  We sat at the edge of a full table and had to ask for silverware.

    They served food buffet style.  I'm vegetarian, and there was no vegetarian entree option.  Seriously, you couldn't order pasta or something besides beef and chicken?  All I had for dinner was a roll, steamed carrots, and mashed potatoes.

    We also had the same issue as you with hearing the JP.  We were outside, he spoke quietly, and he didn't have a microphone.  Plus, no one had rehearsed, because everyone fumbled through the steps of the cermony.  It was awkward.
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  • That sounds terrible.  I know people try to save money by booking last minute weddings because they get a discount but at least try and organize things better.  I hope everyone gets thank you notes
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