Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cousins and Invites - how to be polite, but firm?

My fiance and I recently decided to have a "real" wedding, we orginally just the two of us wanted to go away and be just us, but now decided to have the wedding and reception at home, but keep it small and initimate.  I am very close to all of my fiance's cousins and they're all older, my aunts, uncles, and cousins on the other hand I have not seen in years (and have no desire to see at my wedding), cousins on my side are also all pre-teen to teenagers.  I would still like to invite my aunts and uncles out of respect, but how do I make it clear I do not want and children and their girlfriend/boyfriend flavor of the week?

We want to keep the reception small for the intimacy reason but also because the budget just plan doesn't allow an extra 25 teenagers.  Would it be okay to have the invite say "No children please"?  Do you think they would get the hint?  Advice would be much appreciated!

Re: Cousins and Invites - how to be polite, but firm?

  • You shouldn't include 'no children' on the invite, on the rsvp card and invitation envelope, make sure you write the names of those invited. If you add 'and family' after their names, means cousin jimmy and little susie can attend. Word of mouth is the best way to get the 'no children' point across
  • Simply address the invitations to those who are invited.

    If you receive RSVPs for additional people, you will need to call your aunts and uncles and say something like "I'm so sorry, but we just couldn't invite everyone because of space and budget constraints. We look forward to seeing you and Uncle Joe at the wedding!"

    Or, you could include each individual guest on your RSVP cards, so it would read:
    Guest #1 Name __Accepts __Declines

    Guest #2 Name __Accepts __Declines

    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
  • You cannot put NO children! Just address the inside and outside envelope to Mr. & Mrs. Stinkyface NOT Mr. & Mrs. Stinkyface & family... If they RSVP with children, that is when you call them and politely but firmly correct their mistake..However be prepared for them to be pissed and threaten not to show, just say "you will be missed" and move cant please everyone..also be prepared that they might show up with them anyway
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  • Be prepared for your Aunts and Uncles to be upset if they know FI's cousins were invited, but you didn't invite yours. See the thread below about the girl now having problems because she only invited 6 of her 30 cousins. Some people on here believe that you should make divides among groups of people. Either invite all of your cousins (FI & yours) or none. Just giving you a heads up. You might come back here a month from now complaning that your Aunts and Uncles are upset because little Johnny & Suzy aren't invited, but Fi's cousins are.

    If you're going to go with they way you've planned, agree with PPs. You do not put No Children anywhere on anything. You simply address everything to those that are invited. If they call and ask give them the spiel about budget constraints, venu limit, etc.
  • See the FAQ sticky post, the first post on the board.
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  • I think I didn't write my question very well.... it's not that I don't want kids or children invited, I just don't want to invite my entire extended family.  Actually, we have a son together and we're going to have another before the wedding, so we're not at all "anti-child" just anti people I don't even know.  I like the idea of only the parents names being on the invite, but unfortunetly my family doesn't know how to take a hint and will put their kids down anyways so I'll probably just do as you recommended with word of mouth.  I honestly don't care if they're upset, but I haven't seen there children in years nor have they ever even met my fiance and we live only 30 mins away.  His cousins on the other hand, we talk to so often, they're like our friends. 

    I looked at the other post, but it wasn't too helpful as I don't want extra cousins and such, I still would love children (all 8 of our nieces and nephews are in some way part of the wedding).
  • Hmmm.  Its hard when you are in a situation where you are inviting some children but not all.  I owuld just address the invitation to "Mr and Mrs Smith".  THere may be some that decide to bring their kids though.

    On our rsvp card,  we discreetly put "adult reception" on the lower righthand side of the card.
  • I'm a bit confused...are you inviting young cousins on his side of the family, then, since you're closer to them? You really can't invite some children of extended family and not others.

    Either you need to invite all child cousins or none.
    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
  • Well you sure as heck shouldn't put no children if you're inviting other people's children.  You address the invitation to the people who are invited.  You can also put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" or something like that, but it can give the impression that the invitations are transferrable so if your uncle can't go your aunt might bring her daughter in his place.  Or you can go with the option of individual lines on the response card for each person, and pre-fill the names.
    Married 10/2/10
  • No his cousins are in their 20's and 30's so we hang out a lot and are very close, my cousins are in the 13-18 category so they're not young enough that their parents need to bring them, but still young enough that there parents might consider them invited either way.  There is like 15 cousins plus each of their gf/bf's where his is only about 5 adult cousins only 2 with wives.
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