Wedding Invitation - Would you Go?

TiffanyT816

There is lots of family drama with weddings right now...all of that aside, what would you do?

I was handed my brother's STD - no big deal.  I prefer to mail things out, but that's just me.

This past Saturday, I was handed his invitation from my mom. There was no address on the envelope saying who it was for. Additionally, the RSVP by date was a week ago...

I told my mom it seemed as though he handed her a stack of invites and told her to pass them out to whoever she wanted, and she said "he did."

Would you go to this wedding?

I guess for a little more background info, my brother and I are not speaking. His wedding is on Wednesday, 12/12 at 3pm...

SamRK5889

Based on your background info alone, I probably wouldn't go. I don't know all the dynamics of your family, I just say no based on what you've written and my own family experiences.

Calypso1977

we really would need to know why you arent speaking.
is it over something stupid that if resolved you'd  be fine and regret missing his wedding?  or is it some bigger deal? 

the hand delivery thing is odd, btu im wondering if due to not speaking your bro doesnt want you there and your mother grabbed an invite to give you without his knowledge.

do you want to go?  if so, id call your brother, start speaking, and find out if he wants you there.  if he doesnt, talk it out as to why and if you cant resolve the conflict, respect his wishes.

LDubHawksFan

I think only you can answer whether you should go.  It might be a way to reconnect with him, if you want.  I think the whole situation is weird though.  Does he want you invited? His RSVP date is way too early.  And it's in the middle of the week, so you will have to take off that day, assuming you are in the same area and don't have to travel for it.  There are definitely reasons to bow out but that is up to you.  Sorry, not much help!

StephJean83

You say that you don't speak to your brother and the RSVP date has passed, did your mom know the RSVP was so early?

vsgal

I guess you need to figure out if missing his wedding is something that will divide you further.  Is you not going to the wedding going to keep the rift alive or be awkward if you guys start a relationship again.

I do not speak to my brother and haven't for over 8 years.  We have always had our ups and downs.  I did invite him to our wedding.  I didn't want there to be regrets if or when we eventually put aside our differences and have some sort of relationship. But that is just how I felt.  We got along on the day of wedding.  We talked a little. Did we make a huge breakthrough?  No. For me, it was only a couple of hours and honestly, we didn't see each other that much that weekend.

In the end, you have to make the choice that is right for you.

TiffanyT816

Thanks for the replies!

We aren't talking because he has been talking a lot of bad stuff about me to my parents. I've been with my FI for what will be 5 years when we get married and he has been going around saying my marriage isn't going to last.

He got divorced this past February and will have known his FI one year to the day when they get married.

I called him out on saying the stuff about me and asked him to come to me if he has something to say, concerns, etc. but he hasn't.

The day he saw my engagement ring, his response was "I'm going to do better." It's almost as though everything somehow has become a competition to him, which it is definitely not that way with me. He said he was going to get engaged to his now FI this coming December and get married after my wedding, but he decided to scrap those plans and get married this December. I told him my concerns regarding all of our out of town family (about 80% of our family is out of town) having to come to WA twice in about 8 months time period or having to pick between the weddings, which I didn't feel was fair to do to them.

[Deleted User]

I would say go. Sounds like he didn't tell your mom not to give you one, so if you were there it wouldn't be a big deal. This may the perfect opportunity to mend fences or at least show everyone that you're the bigger person (and for family members that don't the situation you not being there will probably raise questions). Even if this doesn't help mend fences between you and him, at the very least, going to the wedding will give you a chance to see all of your other relatives who come in for the wedding you don't get to see very often. Chances are you won't even get to really see him or talk to him so use it as time to visit with family who you probably won't really get to talk to much at your own wedding because you'll be busy making all the rounds to all of your guests.

OliveOilsMom

I would attend.  You going would show him that this isn't a competition to you, but rather supporting your loved ones. 

And in all honesty, I wouldn't worry about your OOT family not attending your wedding.  His wedding is on a Wednesday, they would need to take off more time from work than for your wedding (presuming its on the weekend).  I know if I got an invitation for a wedding on a Wednesday and I was a good deal away, I would not attend unless it was immediate family.

And the RSVP deadline already passing for a 12/12 wedding is a bit odd.  I wouldn't worry about the RSVP deadline, it may have been a typo of some kind.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invitation-would-you-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a80ed3ab-0f24-4dda-95a3-e43718c3e758Post:fcf498e8-9f92-457a-8924-a6666fc78128">Re: Wedding Invitation - Would you Go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, this sounds like dumb sibling stuff (with the dumb being mostly on his end), not life altering, forever breaking ties, kind of stuff.  If you ever hope to reconcile with him, I'd go.  If however, there's more to this than meets the eye and you honestly don't believe you two will ever have a relationship again, then don't go.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree (although I'm not completely sure it's all on him).

FWIW - I talk smack about my brother and his wife to my parents.  I really don't care.  They are weird have issues.   Doesn't mean I don't love and want the best for them but yeah I don't have problem venting to my parents about them.  Of course, my parents are smart enough to let us vent and not tell.

DramaGeek

The fact that the RSVP date passed and it's still 2 months until their wedding smacks of B-listing to me. Honestly, it sounds like you were B-listed. On the other hand, you're also his sister. On the third hand, his wedding is on a workday at a time when most people have to work. Will it be a hardship for you to attend or can you easily get the time off? If it were me, I'd attend if I could do so with little effort (no travel, easy to get the time off). If it was going to require a large committment on my part, I likely wouldn't attend.

Calypso1977

yeah, the reasons sound kind of petty and i agree with Lynda's assessment.
id go to the wedding.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invitation-would-you-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a80ed3ab-0f24-4dda-95a3-e43718c3e758Post:8f3bb730-8acc-4a5f-b37c-629c27e0e826">Re: Wedding Invitation - Would you Go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the replies!<strong> We aren't talking because he has been talking a lot of bad stuff about me to my parents.</strong> I've been with my FI for what will be 5 years when we get married and he has been going around saying my marriage isn't going to last. He got divorced this past February and will have known his FI one year to the day when they get married. I called him out on saying the stuff about me and asked him to come to me if he has something to say, concerns, etc. but he hasn't. The day he saw my engagement ring, his response was "I'm going to do better." It's almost as though everything somehow has become a competition to him, which it is definitely not that way with me. He said he was going to get engaged to his now FI this coming December and get married after my wedding, but he decided to scrap those plans and get married this December. I told him my concerns regarding all of our out of town family (about 80% of our family is out of town) having to come to WA twice in about 8 months time period or having to pick between the weddings, which I didn't feel was fair to do to them.
Posted by TiffanyT816[/QUOTE]

How do you know he's talking smack about you to your parents? Who's running to you to tattle on him?

TiffanyT816

Thanks for all of the candid feedback, I appreciate it.

I'll likely go to the wedding, though, will not be staying late as I need to work the following day (my daughter, 7, also has school the next day). Additionally, it would typically require me to take time off just to go to the wedding (I work until 5 at least 2 hours away from his venue), therefore, maybe I'll work a half day and then go to the wedding.

zitiqueen - my mom is the one with the big mouth telling me about it. He also was talking about me infront of my daughter, who then told me.

I'm not sure as to what's with the RSVP date or the RSVP at all for that matter, as it's being sent back to her mom.

Again, thanks for taking the time for the feedback.