Question about small wedding and BIG family!

Knottie_22383413

Hi Everyone!

I'm new to the site and just still getting my feet about being engaged. I have some questions that hopefully someone with a little more experience could help me answer. I'm planning a very small 40< person wedding, on a very tight budget $3000<. I have no family attending, so will be inviting personal friends, my fiance has an extremely large family who are very involved in each others lives. I'm very worried about how to approach this problem, there is just no way we can invite so many people as to include them all. So far we are thinking, his parents (divorced, which means more +1s), his aunt and cousin, and about 10 of this friends and 10 +1s. I have about 10 guests and 5 +1s.

I know many people in his family will be upset that they are not invited. I was thinking possibly of just inviting them to the wedding ceremony may solve this problem, BUT our wedding will be in the mountains, a 3 hr drive from any major city. Is this a reasonable thing to do? Any suggestions?

I'm also wondering if it would be weird to not have a MOH, best man, bridesmaids etc..? I feel awkward asking just one of my friends, and so does my fiance. I

More to come as I'm sure I will have lots of other questions soon!  Thank you for the help!~!

AJuliaNJ

Welcome and congratulations! You can't invite people to the ceremony, but not the reception. The reception is a thank you for coming to the ceremony. Think about how these people would feel when everyone else is heading to the reception and they are heading home.

My advice is to first come up witho who you want to invite, and then select a venue to accommodate them, not the other way around.

There's nothing wrong with not having a wedding party. There's also nothing wrong with just having one person each.

rsanna

I agree with PPs.  You can't invite people to the ceremony but not the reception. I also ditto Kristan's advice on cake and punch reception. However, if you are asking people to drive 3 hours it would kind of be sucky to only give them cake and send them on their way. You could probably do a lunchtime reception pretty cheap too if you can include some sandwiches. I also know pasta can be pretty cheap where you can look into local restaurants for catering and stuff.  Do you have a venue already picked out where you could cut back there?

On the wedding party, you don't have to have one if you don't want to. Have who you want.

Knottie_22383413

Thanks AndreaJulia & TXKristan! I will be paying for most of the wedding, so far we have not heard if his family will be helping. I'm sure they will a little bit, but as of yet I do not know to what extent. I'm planning on asking them what their expectations are of the wedding and how we can make some of those things happen for them.

Thank you for letting me know about the ceremony, I've actually been to quiet a few weddings like this so, I thought it was normal! My "wedding site" (hasn't been officialled yet) means that invitees will either have to spend the night on location (in a cabin) or probably leave after the ceremony to arrive back to the land of electricity before night fall. I know that everyone I have invited will be love this, but it also complicates it a bit for the older people in his family.

Something I am also very worried about is the fact that his parents DO NOT get along at all. Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can keep them both happy and out of each others way in a crowd of 40
I think for now it would be best to clarify with his family on their contributions and expectations and take it from there. I feel a little overwhelmed! Thank you so much for your help!!!

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-small-wedding-and-big-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8ae3d4f-4d2e-49fa-b881-631e3678d002Post:4f0881fa-0f93-42a3-9f47-6205523b27df">Re: Question about small wedding and BIG family!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks AndreaJulia & TXKristan ! I will be paying for most of the wedding, so far we have not heard if his family will be helping. I'm sure they will a little bit, but as of yet I do not know to what extent. I'm planning on asking them what their expectations are of the wedding and how we can make some of those things happen for them. Thank you for letting me know about the ceremony, I've actually been to quiet a few weddings like this so, I thought it was normal! My "wedding site" (hasn't been officialled yet) means that invitees will either have to spend the night on location (in a cabin) or probably leave after the ceremony to arrive back to the land of electricity before night fall. I know that everyone I have invited will be love this, but it also complicates it a bit for the older people in his family. <strong>Something I am also very worried about is the fact that his parents DO NOT get along at all. Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can keep them both happy and out of each others way in a crowd of 40</strong> <strong>I think for now it would be best to clarify with his family on their contributions and expectations and take it from there.</strong> I feel a little overwhelmed! Thank you so much for your help!!!
Posted by spomerleau[/QUOTE]

OP, don't ask anyone if they will help you pay for your wedding.  It isn't anyone else's responsibility and will probably end up awkward. 

Regarding your FI's parents, really they will have to grow up and put their differences aside for their son for the day. What about graduations or birthdays? How do you handle those situations?  It is really your FI's call and there isn't much either one of you can to do about it.  Just be prepared.

STARMOON44

I'm confused why you're having your wedding at a site you know will be hard for his older relatives to attend. Does he want them there? Why can't you do something a bit easier for his family? I don't mind at all not inviting the entire clan, but I think you need to talk over with him whether venue or family is more important.

Knottie_22383413

Thank you everyone for your responses. I haven't asked them as of yet for any money, and feel akward doing so. I was more interested in what they would like it to be. I feel akward taking money from them to being with so I needed some help in this area. I'm not used to having to deal with family issues and the whole idea is fairly strange to me. He is interested in having a small wedding also, and will probably have more friends than family at the ceremony. Thank you all for clarifying about inviting people to the ceremony and reception afterwards, you really saved me from making a fool of myself there!!

I will explore the idea of having an early ceremony and a lunch or punch afterwards. I'm still extremely new to all of this and very overwhelmed. We were hoping to have our wedding at this location because we really enjoy the mountains, and will be able to honeymoon there afterwards for a really reasonable price ($25 + Food/day).

It seems like maybe I need to take a step back and figure out a bit of the basics. Sorry about the DD (Double-dip?). I put this question in the wrong category orginally and couldn't figure how to delete it.

Thank you all again!!

beardownbchs

DD = dirty delete.