Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this normal? - Not wedding related

Friends are coming over for dinner tonight.  They've chosen to bring their children, we left it up to them in case they wanted a night out.  Anyway, I'm making a pasta dish for dinner, something where the kids can eat plain pasta if they choose.  Instead the parents said they'll bring the kids' dinner because the kids night not feel like pasta.  They told my husband they'll bring options and just use our stove to cook their children dinner here.  Ummm...I'm making dinner and going to be using the stove.  Isn't this strange?  Shouldn't they bring the dinner made so they can microwave it vs. telling us they'll use our stove and pots? 
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Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related

  • That sounds really weird.  I also think it's ridiculous that the kids get catered to instead of just eating what you're offering (the adult pasta or plain pasta).  I would tell the friends that you would be happy to microwave anything they bring, but the stove will be in use for making your dinner, and you're not sure there will be room in the kitchen for more chefs. 
  • That is really rude. And they're doing their kids a disservice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
    This. I think it's absolutely ridiculous when parents make their kids a seperate meal. With the obvious exception of infants, there's not a reason in the world small children should be made a seperate meal.

    But to answer your question, yes, I think it's strange that they're doing this.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Yes, it is strange. But what is strange to us is becoming the norm now. Mini vent first: Parents are spoiling their children. What ever happened to, "eat what is put in front of you"? I see it all the time, even with my bf's little sister. They bring along their own frozen chicken nuggets when they go to dinner at someone's house, JIC she doesn't like what they're serving. My mother never would have let me do that and it honestly never occurred to me to ask. They're raising their chdren to be self-entitled and spoiled. "You can't always get what you want." <--- Oh how I miss hearing that phrase. It should be used more often. But I digress. Maybe they mean they'll just be heating it up in the oven? I think it's strange all the way around, so I'm no help n
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree. I am a very picky eater but I always eat what is served because it is polite. I'm a vegetarian and when I went to FI's family's Thanksgiving there were only a few things I could eat and most of them were gross but I ate them anyway.</div>
  • I admit, I am a picky eater. Always have been and probably always will be, though I am getting better. My mom would sometimes try to make sure that there would be something would eat if we went to someone else's house.

    That said, it was generally something like "Oh, you'll have bread and potatoes as a side dish? That's fine, she can eat just that if she doesn't like anything else."

    Plain noodles or noodles with butter is a perfectly acceptable dinner if they don't like the sauce you have chosen. I agree with PPs that its rude and incredibly presumptuous of them to say they will bring something else to be cooked in your oven. Also agreed with PPs in that I'd let the parents know that, while you are happy to try to accomodate little Johnny and Jane, your oven/stove will be in use for the dinner that you've already planned, so if they want to bring a microwave meal, that is fine, but that is all you'll have available for use.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    This. I would always eat what was on offer, or at least try it.

    I have a friend from Moldova, and one of her birthdays we had dinner at her house. My other friend got there early, and we were offered leftover rabbit stew for lunch (I declined that, having already ate lunch) but at dinner I tried all sorts of things I'd never had before. I even tried caviar (never again). After I'd gone through the different dishes to try them, I think I stuck to the stuffed peppers.

    I was a very very picky kid. The way my sister and I were brought up, it would never have occured to either of us to ask for something different to what was being served.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    <div>This x10000. </div><div>
    </div><div>FI was allowed to make his own food if he did not like what was being prepared at home, but his parents would not make it for him. I guess that is a little better, but eh. Obviously that is not a polite option at a friend's house, and he just ate what he liked out of what was served. </div>
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  • Yeah...if the kids might not want to eat what you're serving, they should probably not come at all.

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  • Agreed.  Tell them your kitchen will aready be in use cooking food for the adults, and so, sorry, but they won't be able to use it to cook a second meal.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    This.  Or feed them before you come over.

    My brother in law was with a woman who had two kids, ages 5 and 8.  He was CONSTANTLY making them a different meal than the rest of us.  We'd be eating salad, chicken, sauteed veggies and they would be having mac and cheese.  Every. single. meal.  They would come stay for a few days with an entire truckload of food "for the kids,"  Flame if you must, but I judged that sooo hardcore.
  • I've always felt that you eat what you're given or you don't eat. And plain pasta seems very basic. I think it's very odd that you invited them over for dinner and they pretty much said you food isn't good enough for their kids.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:fb7333b3-1739-4f0a-a9fa-5084411c4304">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related : No flames here.  I think that must get exhausting after awhile.  I think it would be okay ti try to add something into the meal they would eat, but if not, they should try to eat *somehing* being served.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Do you know how many times I asked "Why are you making them mac and cheese?  They can eat the same food as us." only to get blank stares and weird stammers about "kid food."  They were five and eight, not 6 months and 1!  Argh.  Idiots.
  • I was a picky eater as a kid, and my parents still expected me to eat what was served. 

    I cooked Easter dinner one year, and one mother told me that her kid only ate "normal" food (I was making turkey and mashed potatoes -- hardly "weird" food!), so she made me heat up a frozen meal for him.  She wouldn't even put it in the microwave herself -- she thought that since I was cooking everyone else's meal, I should also heat up the fish sticks she brought for her son.

    As it turned out, the mother threw a tantrum right before dinner and didn't join us for the meal.  But her kid sat with us and ate the turkey.  Who'd want microwaved fish sticks when homemade mashed potatoes and freshly roasted turkey are options?

    Grr, I'm still mad about that rude person.
  • I could understand it if the children had a severe allergy such as gluten intolerance, but just because they might not like what you serve- I don't think so.  Maybe it's just me, but I tend to plan a meal I know everyone will enjoy (or at least try) based on the foods I know they will or won't eat. For example, I know my dad isn't a huge fan of chicken (he'll eat it if he has no choice, but would prefer another meat), so I like to prepare something that I know he will eat
  • I hate when people do this.  Espically when the child is more than old enough to eat what everyone else is.  Tell them your stove will be in use, so unless it is something that can be microwaved, they won't be able to cook it.  

    Not only do parents let their kids get away with it, but what the kid usually wants has NO nutriton in it.  

    FI's little cousin, who is 9, refuses to eat anything, so she pretty much eats PB&J and corn chips or cheese puffs every night.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    <div>THIS!  We NEVER would have been given an option in meal choices growing up.  We ate what was offered/served or went hungry.  And no dessert if we didn't eat regular food.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:a320aea3-dda5-4723-9336-711354e4d615">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]I could understand it if the children had a severe allergy such as gluten intolerance, but just because they might not like what you serve- I don't think so.  Maybe it's just me, but I tend to plan a meal I know everyone will enjoy (or at least try) based on the foods I know they will or won't eat. For example, I know my dad isn't a huge fan of chicken (he'll eat it if he has no choice, but would prefer another meat), so I like to prepare something that I know he will eat
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

    I think it goes without saying that if there was a food allergy, there might be an exception. As a host you should make sure you know about allergies, but with large parties it can be overwhelming. My mother and I kept kosher, but when I went to other peoples homes and they served me food she would tell me, "Be polite and eat everything on your plate! There are starving children! G-d will understand if it isn't kosher!"
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  • I think that's ridiculous. I think it's also ridiculous, along the same vein, that my grown ass BIL gets the same treatment (he is 21 years old). He is such a picky eater that MIL makes him a separate meal at all family gatherings/meals. For instance, at H's big family Christmas get-together where there are already tons of options, she makes him mac and cheese or pizza or a sandwich because he doesn't like ham, turkey, potatoes, casseroles, etc.

    Um he is an ADULT! This is ridiculous to me and it's hard to keep my mouth shut.

    Sorry for the side story, but this is what will happen if those parents keep spoiling their kids now. They will grow up to be like BIL. I would tell them that they can pre-cook something and heat it in your microwave, but you'll be using the stove to cook your planned meal, and there won't be room for them to use it. Perhaps they'll decide to not bring the kids at all.
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  • My BF's son is picky, but he's two, so we cater to him to a point. We never expect others to let us use their stove to make something separate. That's insane. He likes pasta and bread and he'll munch on that if he doesn't want what else we're having.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:42e3bbd7-b28f-4fd9-b1cc-00d02a0006b2">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related : I think it goes without saying that if there was a food allergy, there might be an exception.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
    I have celiac disease, but when I have to bring my own food, I bring something that doesn't have to be heated, is already heated or can be heated in a microwave. I apologize for having allergies and then we move on. I can't imagine bringing something along just because there's the chance that I might not ~be in the mood for~ what was cooked. Insanity!

  • That's pathetic. When we were kids my mom made it clear that there was NOT going to be a separate meal if we didn't like what was being served and that most likely we just weren't hungry enough and if we were guests at someones house no matter what we were to eat what was put in front of us. She's gonna have some real spoilt brats.
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  • Isn't it weird that many things that are "kids" foods are also the things that parents are making for their kids because "that is all they will eat?"  My BIL kids would only eat mac and cheese or pizza.  Same with Kate's BIL.

    Perhaps if these kids ate the same food as adults, they would never grow such a dependence on crap food.
  • I will say if there is a religious dietary restriction I would be ok with accommodating.  (Someone above said to eat it even if it wasn't Kosher, I wouldn't do that).  Or for allergies, or vegetarians (that is often a personal preference).  In fact generally when I host I ask people before hand what they don't like.  However if after all that someone did this I would be really angry. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:eb41b574-6a79-4204-ab3d-231b5a79ab0b">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]I will say if there is a religious dietary restriction I would be ok with accommodating.  (Someone above said to eat it even if it wasn't Kosher, I wouldn't do that).  Or for allergies, or vegetarians (that is often a personal preference).  In fact generally when I host I ask people before hand what they don't like.  However if after all that someone did this I would be really angry. 
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

    <div>To be fair, Simply didn't say that the kids should eat pork if they're Kosher.  She said her mother told her to eat it anyway when she was a kid.</div><div>
    </div><div>Agree with all PP's mom is crazy-pants and is in the process of raising spoiled brats.</div><div>
    </div><div>Guess what- if all you offer the kids is healthy food, they'll eat it.  Because that's a better option eventually than hungry.</div>
  • When I was growing up my Mother cooked 1 meal a week that we liked, that way we were all satisfied.  Friday was always pizza night.  She knew that if she put tomato soup on it, it as near guaranteed I would eat it - so - she played along and the pork chop with the tomato soup on it would be mine.  If it took putting weird condiments on the food to get you to eat it, whatever - but there was no making whole new meals for us.  The *only* exception to this was when my parents wanted fish.  None of us kids liked fish and my mom would make something different for the 4 of us and they would have fish.  And oh hell yes we would eat our veggies and we would eat what we were given when a guest at someone's house.  Fast food was a treat (as was eating out) and we didn't custom order meals like Mom was our personal chef. Where did catering to kids like so many parents do these days - in all the ways they do - happen man?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:e7e89ce8-34e0-4535-ad67-2324330df105">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]They should be teaching their children that when one is invited to dinner at someone's home, one eats the meal that the host/hostess serves.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    Yeah. This. All of this. I never once was told by my parents that it was okay to not eat what was being served as a guest. Always eat what is served, and if you don't like it, you just eat it anyway and say nothing. This is really not a hill to die on, but it's certainly bad manners.
  • eoreaeorea member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-normal-not-wedding-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b0caab-b109-4226-83ba-8706c7b62446Post:98549780-cb8c-4928-b942-ee41a631f7fd">Re: Is this normal? - Not wedding related</a>:
    [QUOTE]I admit, I am a picky eater. Always have been and probably always will be, though I am getting better. My mom would sometimes try to make sure that there would be something would eat if we went to someone else's house.<strong> That said, it was generally something like "Oh, you'll have bread and potatoes as a side dish? That's fine, she can eat just that if she doesn't like anything else."</strong> <strong>Plain noodles or noodles with butter is a perfectly acceptable dinner if they don't like the sauce you have chosen.</strong>
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly. My child is a picky eater. She can eat plain noodles. If she doesn't like something she can eat the side dish. Even then I usually ask to give her a smaller serving of the main dish so she can at least try some of it. In seven years, I have never once brought food to a dinner to carter to my child. It is extremely rude for them to use your oven or stove. If it is that serious to them then they should leave their kid at home. </div>
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  • Growing up, whenever I told my mother that I didn't like what was on my plate, the response was the same:  "Eat it, or go to bed hungry."  My siblings and I ate what was put on our plates at home, and when we were out, whether at a restaurant (which was seldom) or guests in another family's home, we ate what was served, and said "thank you."

    Your guest is being rude and unreasonable to you, and a poor model for her children.

  • My sister and I were never offered "kid" food rather than "adult" food. We ate what we were given. Yes, we liked macaroni and cheese (still do!) but that was never an option to have instead of what my parents made. Dinner was dinner. If you don't eat it, you don't get dessert, or anything else. End of discussion.

    The one thing we were allowed to push to the side of the plate was any vegetable with PTC, as we're both supertasters. That includes asparagus and brussel sprouts among others. Being a supertaster is different than an allergy, and it does fade some as you get older. But as young kids, PTC caused us both to throw up. It's an extreme reaction, but no joke! These days, I can eat brussel sprouts if they're cooked with something that neutralizes the PTC (like butter) and I can stand to eat a tiny amount of asparagus. Luckily, testing with PTC strips is pretty common in high school biology classes in my area (learning about recessive genes) so most everyone we have eaten dinner with understands what being a supertaster is.
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