Wedding Etiquette Forum

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  • If you're having a black tie wedding, this seems like an incidental expense.
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  • We have informed out of town guests with kids (kids were not invited) that we can give them the name of reputable sitters, and have left it up to them to organize it themselves.

  • On one hand I agree on Mery, on the other hand I feel like having a children's pizza party in the room next door takes away from the black-tie-ishness of it. 

    Regardless, you can't offer onsite babysitting and charge for it.  Either offer it for free or not at all.  If your wedding is black tie, a couple hundred bucks for a couple of babysitters is a drop in the bucket to you. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:e90d237b-88f3-4f8b-960d-586bd35a9bcd">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]On one hand I agree on Mery, on the other hand I<strong> feel like having a children's pizza party in the room next door takes away from the black-tie-ishness of it.</strong>  Regardless, you can't offer onsite babysitting and charge for it.  Either offer it for free or not at all.  If your wedding is black tie, a couple hundred bucks for a couple of babysitters is a drop in the bucket to you. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    I agree with that too, but it could depend on the set-up.

    I also agree about not charging for on-site sitters. However, providing sitters at all is optional. Originally I considered hiring a babysitter to stay at the hotel if parents wanted to drop their kids off there, but at this point, we'll just assist with finding sitters if requested. (However, we are allowing children at the reception - there are so few on our guest list that it made sense to us.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:e90d237b-88f3-4f8b-960d-586bd35a9bcd">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]On one hand I agree on Mery, on the other hand I feel like having a children's pizza party in the room next door takes away from the black-tie-ishness of it.  Regardless, you can't offer onsite babysitting and charge for it.  Either offer it for free or not at all. <strong> If your wedding is black tie, a couple hundred bucks for a couple of babysitters is a drop in the bucket to you. </strong>
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    I can't be the only one pondering the actual black tie-ness of their wedding if they are concerned over paying a babysitter, right?

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:a8eaa150-a2fb-4aad-8844-bed869472a23">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter? : I can't be the only one pondering the actual black tie-ness of their wedding if they are concerned over paying a babysitter, right?
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

    No, no you can't.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:a8eaa150-a2fb-4aad-8844-bed869472a23">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter? : I can't be the only one pondering the actual black tie-ness of their wedding if they are concerned over paying a babysitter, right?
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

    Of course not. 
  • I'm sorry, but there's no way she's having a black tie wedding for $75 a head in Baltimore.  Uh uh.  Maybe in like... Idaho, but yeah.... 

    Methinks someone is playing name the wedding with black tie so she can have super pretty pictures.
  • I thought maybe she meant it was $75 for a child's plate.
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  • If it's onsite, you pay.  If you don't set it up, you can help people find their own sitters, in which case they pay. 
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Pretty much anytime we've gotten a question about blacktie ettiquette, the bride in question wasn't really having a black tie wedding and just wanted her guests to dress that way.  I can only remember one time that the bride was really having a legit black tie wedding.
  • AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:2ccc588e-a55f-4426-97b7-7a5ba1d981f3">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought maybe she meant it was $75 for a child's plate.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    Hmm... yeah.  I guess.  Anywho, if someone's worried about money, they're not throwing a black tie wedding.
  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    I think people think black tie = formal or after 6 pm.  I don't think people really get what a btw is.  How many of us on here have been to a REAL btw?  Anyone?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:92b09a2c-974e-4d27-a6f0-3c7221718663">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter? : Hmm... yeah.  I guess.  Anywho, if someone's worried about money, they're not throing a black tie wedding.
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    Oh I do agree with that :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:eb36455c-c1c0-435e-a172-880195b1b2d7">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think people think black tie = formal or after 6 pm.  I don't think people really get what a btw is.  How many of us on here have been to a REAL btw?  Anyone?
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
    Not me!
  • I haven't.  I was invited to one and it was legit--it was a DuPont heiress and they were getting married on NYE.  They were divorced 2 years later.  Not that that has to do with anything.  Just felt like sharing. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:a9f3a568-7566-4a06-8ed9-f945ba6f548d">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Pretty much anytime we've gotten a question about blacktie ettiquette, the bride in question wasn't really having a black tie wedding and just wanted her guests to dress that way.  I can only remember one time that the bride was really having a legit black tie wedding.
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    So, are you saying that having this at my wedding kept it from being black tie?

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    My wedding was a black-tie affair, dammit!
  • At least you've gotten an invite, Heels. 

    I'm a black tie virgin.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • Oh wow, Jess.  Did you sell that to a local HS for their prom afterwards?  If not, you were seriously missing out on an opportunity. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:05249b62-b9ef-45b8-bed2-a08bb20938cc">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh wow, Jess.  Did you sell that to a local HS for their prom afterwards?  If not, you were seriously missing out on an opportunity. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    No, I didn't sell it to a HS prom committee; I sold it right here on TK to all of my fellow black-tie wedding brides, silly! :)
  • Mrs.B, old school, if the wedding started after 6 pm, it was supposed to be black tie, no?  I think that confuses people too.  If you wanted a less formal wedding back then, you had it in the afternoon.  There are too many variables in this equation now-a-days. 
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Why didn't you go Heels? I would have loved to see that. I have never been invited to a black tie wedding. However, my dad went to one - in NYC, no less.
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  • I agree if it is truly black tie, than you should pay for the sitters, as long as the children's room will be far enough away not to detract.
     
    I have never been to a black tie wedding either. Darn it, I wish I had rich friends.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:66095705-c89e-455f-8196-57853aaa0ea5">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why didn't you go Heels? I would have loved to see that. I have never been invited to a black tie wedding. However, my dad went to one - in NYC, no less.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    The bride was a friend of my then-boyfriend, and we broke up, so he went solo.  I should have hung on a couple more weeks; I bet that wedding was insane. 
  • i personally don't like the idea of a seperate room for the kids- at any wedding. but i do think, if you're having this black-tie wedding, $ shouldn't be an issue, therefore you should pay for a sitter. Can someone allow a sleep over at their house (or your house) for the kids? so it'd pizza and movie night/sleep over. as well as hiring at least 2 sitters.
    I worked at a day care for many years 6 kids for every 1 adult. base your adult/sitters off that ratio.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:c01cb544-b3d3-45c0-a04d-0cdef80f90f2">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i personally don't like the idea of a seperate room for the kids- at any wedding. but i do think, if you're having this black-tie wedding, $ shouldn't be an issue, therefore you should pay for a sitter. Can someone allow a sleep over at their house (or your house) for the kids? so it'd pizza and movie night/sleep over. as well as hiring at least 2 sitters. <strong>I worked at a day care for many years 6 kids for every 1 adult. base your adult/sitters off that ratio.</strong>
    Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]

    Depends on the state and the age of the kids. In NY it's 4-1 for infants.
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  • you're right Meredith . i should have stated that. for infants in michigan is 3 to 1, toddlers is 4-1 and anyone older then 3 or 4 is 6-1
    I was just assuming the kids would be a little older.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-wedding-pay-babysitter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8b89966-2e67-4886-9b73-bd1964fcbe21Post:f1280b99-9ecb-44ee-98bc-12a5f2366e3b">Re: Black Tie Wedding- Do we pay for a babysitter?</a>:
    [QUOTE]you're right Meredith . i should have stated that. for infants in michigan is 3 to 1, toddlers is 4-1 and anyone older then 3 or 4 is 6-1 I was just assuming the kids would be a little older.
    Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, plus I'm not really sure of the rules when you have a mixture of ages.
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  • I generally don't think kids need to be invited or couples should have any responsibility for childcare -- but given that it's your family and they won't have any options if they want to come, I do think you should provide (and pay for) the childcare.

    FWIW, I don't think this has anything to do with whether the wedding is black tie or not. And I can't imagine why some people are assuming that people who have a black tie wedding have unlimited money -- that's pretty unrealistic. But the child care in this scenario shouldn't be that much money and I do think it's money  you should find. How many kids are you talking about?

    To answer MrsB's question, I've only been to one black tie wedding, but most of the weddings I attend from my side of the family and old friends are "black tie optional." In my crowd, straight black tie is perceived as demanding and pretentious. Black tie optional is the norm.

    If neither is written, people will not wear tuxes and/or gowns regardless of the venue or anything else (so the exact same wedding, same place, same other details -- if it says black tie optional, some will wear their tuxes; if it doesn't say black tie optional, no one will because that would be considered out of line).

    In either case, optional or not, they all do fit the criteria that the Knot  posters have made up for what constitutes a black tie wedding.
  • Yeah, if you can fork out the <$200 it would be much much better than asking for your guest to pay for childcare at your special event. I can image that for a black tie wedding that it's going to be that big of an expense in comparison to the rest of your expenses
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