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multip MIL dramas...help!

any advice on how to deal with FMIL and FSMIL would be appreciated. Not only are both women totally overbearing and in-my-face about wedding planning, they are now inviting themselves to events that is supposed to be for my parents and their families.

I should mention that normally they are wonderful ladies with good hearts. But they have gone slightly crazy. they're trying to dictate guest lists, hotel accomodations, dress choices (my dress choice, oh yes), and my FMIL has even told me she is wearing her own wedding dress to my wedding. I should mention that my parents and FI and I are paying for the wedding and FI's family is not contributing at all.

FI has told me (bless his heart) that he will deal with them and I should stop stressing out. But I don't want to be passive aggressive or avoiding issues in an awkward way. Not a good start to the relationships, you know?

Re: multip MIL dramas...help!

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    That sounds pretty bad

    Honestly. I would listen to FI and let him deal with it.

    GL
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    They cant say anything if they are not paying. Stop talking wedding details with them and dont tell them when your family is doing something. If they dont know, they cant complain. I would also have your FI deal with them because it seems they are overstepping their boundries by a lot.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multip-mil-dramashelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a95eaea4-229c-4e06-b1f5-5ca654e911c1Post:86b3fc5b-c1ae-4b9f-8430-4d29b508f5fa">multip MIL dramas...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]any advice on how to deal with FMIL and FSMIL would be appreciated. Not only are both women totally overbearing and in-my-face about wedding planning, they are now inviting themselves to events that is supposed to be for my parents and their families. I should mention that normally they are wonderful ladies with good hearts. But they have gone slightly crazy. they're trying to dictate guest lists, hotel accomodations, dress choices (my dress choice, oh yes), and my FMIL has even told me she is wearing her own wedding dress to my wedding. I should mention that my parents and FI and I are paying for the wedding and FI's family is not contributing at all. FI has told me (bless his heart) that he will deal with them and I should stop stressing out. But I don't want to be passive aggressive or avoiding issues in an awkward way. Not a good start to the relationships, you know?
    Posted by shanshiegirl[/QUOTE]

    1.  Stop talking about the wedding with them.  If they aren't paying for it, they don't have to get any say in your vendors, attire, or anything else.

    2. If they bring it up, say "I'll keep that in mind, so have you tried that new restaurant that opened?"  Or, "that's not really what we had in mind, but thanks, have you tried that new...."  

    3.  Have your FI tell her that it is not appropriate to wear her bridal gown if she is not the bride.  If she does, she is the one who will look like the idiot, not you.
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    Stop talking to them about the wedding. When they bring it up, change the subject and let your FI handle it.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multip-mil-dramashelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a95eaea4-229c-4e06-b1f5-5ca654e911c1Post:617ddd2c-f724-4f88-98be-7ca5f21657e7">Re: multip MIL dramas...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to multip MIL dramas...help! : 1.  Stop talking about the wedding with them.  If they aren't paying for it, they don't have to get any say in your vendors, attire, or anything else. 2. If they bring it up, say "I'll keep that in mind, so have you tried that new restaurant that opened?"  Or, "that's not really what we had in mind, but thanks, have you tried that new...."   3.  Have your FI tell her that it is not appropriate to wear her bridal gown if she is not the bride.  If she does, she is the one who will look like the idiot, not you.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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    I can't believe she has the balls to wear her wedding gown to your wedding. She is going to look like a huge fool.

    Let FI take care of things and do not discuss wedding stuff unless specifically asked.
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    em01092em01092 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multip-mil-dramashelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a95eaea4-229c-4e06-b1f5-5ca654e911c1Post:86b3fc5b-c1ae-4b9f-8430-4d29b508f5fa">multip MIL dramas...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]any advice on how to deal with FMIL and FSMIL would be appreciated. Not only are both women totally overbearing and in-my-face about wedding planning, they are now inviting themselves to events that is supposed to be for my parents and their families. I should mention that normally they are wonderful ladies with good hearts. But they have gone slightly crazy. they're trying to dictate guest lists, hotel accomodations, dress choices (my dress choice, oh yes), and my FMIL has even told me she is <strong>wearing her own wedding dress to my wedding.</strong> I should mention that my parents and FI and I are paying for the wedding and FI's family is not contributing at all. FI has told me (bless his heart) that he will deal with them and I should stop stressing out. But I don't want to be passive aggressive or avoiding issues in an awkward way. Not a good start to the relationships, you know?
    Posted by shanshiegirl[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>WTF? That is pretty weird. I would have your FI mention how stupid she is going to look, nicely of course. </div><div>
    </div><div>Follow the advice of the PPs and you'll be fine. 

    </div>
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    edited May 2011
    I am just speculating here trying to figure out possibilities on to why she would want to wear her wedding dress.

    Is hers a gown or a dress? Have you seen her wedding dress? 

    I wore a long dress that could have passed as a budget freindly wedding dress to a wedding in Europe and the dress was completly fine didn't over step on the bride's dress one bit. It was champagne colored lace and had a pink sash. I bought it at JC Penny's back in the early 80's for $40 clearence. If I still had it  and could fit in that dress I would totally wear it at DD wedding and it would still be ok today with a few alterations just to get it updated.

    Is your FMIL altering her dress making it shorter, dyeing it, changing it in any way? If so, I don't see a wrong there, some wedding dresses look great after being "updated"  for a MOB or MOG dress.

    She may have saved it hoping she would have a girl and when she married maybe alter it for that wedding for the girl to wear, since she may have boy/boys this would be as close as she could get to her original plan for the dress.

    Like I stated I am just guessing and trying to find a reason on why she would choose her wedding dress.


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    Thanks for posts, i appreciate the advice...!

    I'm for sure not talking to them about the wedding UNLESS asked, but when I'm asked point blank it's hard for me to avoid questions:

    "When is your bachelorette party?" (insert answer) "Oh, I want to come! I'll take off work that weekend!" (insert me hemming and hawing trying to get her not to come)

    As to FMIL's dress, she got remarried about 6 years ago, in a full-on, ivory satin poofy ball gown with a chapel train. She insists that it's okay because it's ivory, not white, and because she'll be altering it to take off the train. Other than that everything stays the same for her.

    I think the consensus is that FI needs to take care of it? I feel minorly guilty...I'll be having relationships with these women for the rest of my life and I don't want to start off on a bad/passive foot. But there seems to be no other good answer.
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    Let your FI deal with them....it'll save you the stress.  Take PP advice and stop talking about the wedding with them.  The "we'll take that into consideration" line works great!  

    Good luck!
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    Yikes. You shouldn't have told her when the b-party is. Can you avoid telling her where? And your fiancé absolutely needs to tell her what an evil witch she'll look like going to your wedding in an honest-to-God wedding gown.
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    Ouch ,ouch ,and ouch! Ok so no way on the dress even if the train is off.  No, No, NO but heck maybe let her wear it I think you would get the last hooray for allowing it <smirk>  and maybe someone will tell here there how unappropriate it is.  as PP stated don't talk wedding just use that phrase  Sequel stated to use. Good Luck!
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    Maybe I'm just a biotch but if my FMIL showed up in a dress like you described she wouln't be allowed in the ceremony. Yes, I know everyone says they never notice what people are wearing, and yes, I also know that she'd look like a fool and it wouldn't reflect on the bride, but reeeaaally? If it was an ivory sheath dress...maybe it would work. But a poofy ball gown? Oh hell no. I know you don't want to start out on the wrong foot but there are some lines you just don't cross. 
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