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Etiquette

Rehearsal dinner and a million other questions

Hey ladies! So met with our vendor and finally got to book our venue for the rehearsal dinner - yay!

It will be the night before the wedding at an aquarium we both work part time at. It also happens to be in the hotel we and the wedding party will be staying in the night before and of the wedding. FI's mom and step-dad have graciously offered to pay for it and we accepted their offer. We have about 24 people since we have out of town guests. Couple questions.

1. Do you invite the chaplain officiating the wedding to the dinner? We assumed so but how exactly do you do that? With an invitation?

2. Speaking of inviting, how should I invite the out of towners and WP to rehearsal dinner? Just tell em? Should I say FI's parents are hosting? (CMGR, What is the wording for that?) I also got to get a choice from them of fish, beef, or vegetarian preferably my vendor said.

3. I saw the welcome bags and (no offense to those who did it) don't think they care about bottled water and aspirin. Any other ideas of what could go in that? Put the invitation in the welcome bag?

4. I created a schedule of the weekend (it's a 3 day schedule including the day before pool party, the rehearsal dinner, the day of wedding timeline, the day after boat charter and brunch, etc). Should I give this to my wedding party so they can see it? (If ya'll wanna see it lemme know) What about the out of town guests? I saw cute ones printed up with pics - I'll try to attach. Maybe a stripped down version like those?

If it helps most of the OOT guests are family or in the wedding party, 3 are not.

Re: Rehearsal dinner and a million other questions

  • First of all, you need to double check with the FILs to see how many people they are comfortable hosting.  They may not want to invite anyone who is not actually participating in the wedding.

    That being said, you can either have formal invitations for the RD or you can tell people by word of mouth.
  • 1. Yes, if you're having someone walk you through the rehersal they should be invited as well.  you can do it in the same manner you invite everyone else.
    2. If your FIL's are hosting, they should take care of the invites.  I think my IL's just sent out emails to everyone in regards to the rehersal.
    3. Welcome bags are great for OOT guests.  I always appreciate bottled water and snacks.
    4. I'd put those in the OOT bags.
  • 3. I saw the welcome bags and (no offense to those who did it) don't think they care about bottled water and aspirin. Any other ideas of what could go in that? Put the invitation in the welcome bag?

    In the ones I did for my first wedding, I had maps of the area that I got free from the tourism booth, sample shampoo and soap, chocolates, specialty popcorn, and some other food items. People liked the food items a lot.
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    3. I saw the welcome bags and (no offense to those who did it) don't think they care about bottled water and aspirin. Any other ideas of what could go in that? Put the invitation in the welcome bag? 

    We put some local things in our OOT bags.  We had a local map, a card with the wedding activities (DW wedding, so we had also organized some optional activities if people wanted to hang out with us), chocolate covered and regular macadamia nuts, a sample pack from Honolulu Cookie Company.  We wanted to give people a little taste of Hawaii so added accordingly.  We skipped favors and also added some beach toys for the few kids who came (sand pails/etc. for the younger ones, air mattresses for the teens).  
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  • Fish... at an aquarium?  Am I the only one amused by that?

    As for the RD you can just call or e-mail invite.  We have about 30 with SO's and family and then arranged to meet the OOT guest at a bar near the hotel after the dinner is over so they can hang with us some.

    As for the bags, we're doing a bottle of water, chapstick, a map of the area, the movie times for that Friday night for the theater across from the hotel, and a schedule of events.  We're getting married in Colorado so the water is to help with the altitude and chapstick to help with the dry weather we have.  It's fun to make the welcome bags personalized to your location and wedding.
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  • >>1. Do you invite the chaplain officiating the wedding to the dinner? We assumed so but how exactly do you do that? With an invitation?

    Yes.  Your FILs are hosting the RD, so they send an invitation to the chaplain and invite the chaplain and his SO to the RD.

    >>2. Speaking of inviting, how should I invite the out of towners and WP to rehearsal dinner? Just tell em? Should I say FI's parents are hosting? (CMGR, What is the wording for that?) I also got to get a choice from them of fish, beef, or vegetarian preferably my vendor said.

    Your FMIL will be creating the RD invitation and sending it to all who are invited to the RD.  YOU do not get all up in this business.  One of my very close friends sent her FMIL three sample designs for RD invitations, and FMIL was really hurt and angry, and made it clear to my friend that FMIL would be planning this event - it's the only event that the groom's parents get to plan, so let them.

    And the previous poster is correct:  You CANNOT offer FISH as a food choice IN AN AQUARIUM.  Period.  That's creepy and wrong.  You can go BEEF or VEG.  Or you can go BEEF, CHICKEN, or VEG.  Absolutely not fish.

    >>3. I saw the welcome bags and (no offense to those who did it) don't think they care about bottled water and aspirin. Any other ideas of what could go in that? Put the invitation in the welcome bag?

    I have never gotten a welcome bag.  Just not done in my area.  But I understand that they usually contain flyers and brochures for touristy things-to-do in the area.  No invitation goes in the welcome bag.

    >>4. I created a schedule of the weekend

    Yes, put those in the welcome bags and give those to your WP.
  • gypsylynn2005gypsylynn2005 member
    10 Comments
    edited March 2013
    Thanks ladies - I love the personalized from the town ideas! Oh and love love love the Honololu Cookie company to the bride who did that! What type of actual bags did you use? Bags I have seen/want are expensive! 

    As far as the FMIL hosting it - she just wants a total. Really. I know that sounds awful but it honestly is like that. She lives thousands of miles away, has never been to Guam so doesn't know the places here, and also doesn't know most the WP list so can't send it out. She is very busy and doesn't want to plan it - just pay for it as a gift which we appreciate. It was already planned as well. It was finalized this weekend but we planned it, expected to pay for it, and then she told us she wanted to cover the bill after. I even talked to her on FB this morning and asked if she would like to plan it (after thanking her of course!) after seeing the replies on here. She said nope, just wants a total and to know who to pay lol. 

    I want to def show her thanks by mentioning it on the RD invites, which I think I will put on the schedule/invite something like this 'Rehearsal Dinner @ Blah Blah @ 7pm hosted by FMIL & FFIL.' 

    The only thing is I forgot to mention FI has two sets of parents. Mom & Step-dad and then Dad & Step-Mom. Mom & Step-Dad are paying, will it offend Dad & Step-mom to see their names on the RD invite?

    The fish is not a type that is on display at the aquarium for those who were interested. I work in the aquarium and am an ocean advocate, it is not creepy nor wrong...just not your cup of tea and that is ok. It will still be offered and I know most of my guests actually will choose that option. Island culture is a bit different than the mainland - to each their own. Thank you for your opinion tho! :) 

    Oh and Aunt Edna is def invited to the Bach party! ;) Haha jk, I am actually trying to figure out a way to get the bach party scaled down w/o hurting bm's feelings...total other topic. lol

    ETA - Oh and saw the chaplian today and got the name of his wife so we can address him an invite! Thanks! Does he get a wedding invite too btw?

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