How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash?

futuremrsgates

I'm about to mail out our save-the-dates, and my fiancee and I have decided we would rather not have children at our reception for nine million reasons. The only child expected will be my three-year-old nephew whom is serving as our ring bearer and then IMMEDIATELY going home with a paid sitter.

That being said, I realize when I send out the save the dates and my 10-year-old cousin's name isn't on them, my aunt's gonna be a more than a little irritated. I'm more worried about the kid's feelings than the adults but I feel like it's not fair to allow some kids and not others (like toddlers I've never met and will occupy my dance floor with their "everyone now has to act and talk G-rated" nonsense). So how and what should I say when the angry relatives start the phone calls?

lyndausvi

is she the only first cousin NOT being invited?

banana468

"The invitation is for you and your hubby and we hope to see you there.   If you need the recommendations of sitters please let me know."

Don't attempt to justify your decision because those questioning it are trying to come up with reasons that you're wrong.   Just stick to your guns and state the facts.

futuremrsgates

No I was just naming random fake family members to use as an example. I'd really rather not have anyone under 16 there. I'd say 18 but I'd be splitting up one or two families with that rule.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-with-the-impending-no-kids-backlash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa3c89d7-63a9-4391-8f9d-b22b5420047aPost:3aa211ae-2be5-402a-8eb3-7e079b81082e">How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm about to mail out our save-the-dates, and my fiancee and I have decided we would rather not have children at our reception for nine million reasons. <strong>The only child expected will be my three-year-old nephew whom is serving as our ring bearer and then IMMEDIATELY going home with a paid sitter.</strong> That being said, I realize when I send out the save the dates and my 10-year-old cousin's name isn't on them, my aunt's gonna be a more than a little irritated. I'm more worried about the kid's feelings than the adults but I feel like it's not fair to allow some kids and not others (like toddlers I've never met and will occupy my dance floor with their "everyone now has to act and talk G-rated" nonsense). So how and what should I say when the angry relatives start the phone calls?
Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]

<div>So your ring bearer isn't even invited to the reception?  You know that means you're basically using him as a cute prop, right?</div><div>
</div><div>As for your cousin, just hold your ground.  Tell her it's not going to be a child-friendly event, and that you hope she can still make it.</div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-with-the-impending-no-kids-backlash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa3c89d7-63a9-4391-8f9d-b22b5420047aPost:b415c403-ca2a-45d6-b4c5-df0a278d91f3">Re: How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash?</a>:
[QUOTE]"The invitation is for you and your hubby and we hope to see you there.   If you need the recommendations of sitters please let me know." Don't attempt to justify your decision because those questioning it are trying to come up with reasons that you're wrong.   Just stick to your guns and state the facts.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>This</div>

achiduck

I agree with Banana, you aren't obligated to explain your decisions. I'm having a child-free wedding (with the exception of a 10 month old who's parents are driving 2 hours to join us) and it means that my cousin and her husband can't attend because they haven't been able to find a sitter.

As long as you accept that you might get some declines because of the no kids rule and don't stomp your feet about it you're golden.

futuremrsgates

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-with-the-impending-no-kids-backlash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa3c89d7-63a9-4391-8f9d-b22b5420047aPost:3bf10caf-dcd0-4970-9527-3f80885bc7a8">Re: How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash? : So your ring bearer isn't even invited to the reception?  You know that means you're basically using him as a cute prop, right? As for your cousin, just hold your ground.  Tell her it's not going to be a child-friendly event, and that you hope she can still make it.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

<div>Basically yep. I would rather not have children at my wedding, but I love this little boy like my own child and would feel wrong doing it without him. That being said, he's three and unpredictable and I don't want my sister (the maid of honor) to have to compartmentalize her evening or worry about him getting fussy or have to leave at nine 'cause that's past his bed time. So yes, he will be at our ceremony because I love him but he's leaving afterwards 'cause he's a three year old. </div>

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-with-the-impending-no-kids-backlash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa3c89d7-63a9-4391-8f9d-b22b5420047aPost:67f61e17-8d9b-4989-9861-3cfce1be7240">Re: How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash? : Basically yep. I would rather not have children at my wedding, but I love this little boy like my own child and would feel wrong doing it without him. That being said, he's three and unpredictable and I don't want my sister (the maid of honor) to have to compartmentalize her evening or worry about him getting fussy or have to leave at nine 'cause that's past his bed time. So yes, he will be at our ceremony because I love him but he's leaving afterwards 'cause he's a three year old. 
Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, but if/when he leaves should be her decision and not yours.</div>

JozieDee

im facing the same battle, however, mine is more of a war compared to your few.. most of my extended family have small children and i kinda want to give them the heads up before the formal invite goes out.. so MY question is - how do you word it on the save the date?  should a separate note go out? a mandatory call?  i mean a simple "Adults only ceremony/reception" might not cut it

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-with-the-impending-no-kids-backlash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa3c89d7-63a9-4391-8f9d-b22b5420047aPost:c1a24c28-de75-4d9b-9b3d-079def864107">Re: How to deal with the impending no-kids backlash?</a>:
[QUOTE]im facing the same battle, however, mine is more of a war compared to your few.. most of my extended family have small children and i kinda want to give them the heads up before the formal invite goes out.. so MY question is - how do you word it on the save the date?  should a separate note go out? a mandatory call?  i mean a simple "Adults only ceremony/reception" might not cut it :(
Posted by JozieDee[/QUOTE]

<div>You have over a  year to take care of this.  When our last DD got married it was a no kid wedding.  Whnever we were together with familiy for bdays, holidays, etc, SOMEONE would always ask about the wedding plans and we would find a tasteful way to get the "no kid rule" into the conversation.  We spent a year making sure we got it out through word of mouth.  2 of DH's sisters did not attend and I'm sure it was because of the no kid rule, but we  had to graciously accept that.</div>

lauraanne9

We had the no kid rule at ours, and one of my husband's sisters did not attend, specifically because kids were not invited.  She made a BIG deal about not attending as SOMEONE needed to be available to care for uninvited children.  We graciously said we understood.