XP: Addressing w/ military ranks

lisabeats

I also posted under military section, but I thought some etiquette experts might know too. Outside references welcome!

We've got a few couples who are both active duty military, and some that are split. How would you suggest addressing:

Married couple, both Captains (or any other rank)? My thought: Captains John & Jane Smith

Married couple, they both carried the rank of captain, but he recently split from service? (Is it the same as above? I'm not sure how to handle rank for military who are out of service. This husband got out (didn't retire), I'm assuming at least retired military continue to carry rank).

Unmarried couple, both LTs - MT: Lieutenant John Smith & Lieutenant Jane Jones

Also, I believe all rank should be spelled out fully, correct? As in not M SGT John Smith, but Master Sargeant John Smith?

Thanks for any input!

Jen4948

It's "Sergeant."  Don't misspell that!  And yes, spell out all titles.

I think retired commissioned officers put (Ret.) after their names, but they still use the title before their name and the name of their service branch on the line afterwards, as in "Captain John Doe (Ret.)/ United States Army."  Not sure about enlisted personnel and non-commissioned officers. 

I'm not sure if a couple with the same rank who are both on active duty would be "Captains John and Jane Smith."  It might be best to play it safe and put each on separate lines with "and" between them, especially if they're not in the same branch of the military and/or have different last names.

lisabeats

Thanks for catching the spelling... I just wrote it out really quick for the post!

Thanks also for the hints. Still open to other input!

manjermj

My husband is an active duty Captain in the Marines and he would honestly rather be addressed as Mr. John Doe in normal social situations like a wedding. For us, the only time I would use military titles is if you or your FI is in the military and you are having a military wedding or if it is a specific military formal event. 

Edit: If you still want to use their titles, for our military wedding, I used this site as a reference: http://www.formsofaddress.info/INV_Military.html

Avion22

http://blog.crane.com/2012/02/03/wedding-etiquette-how-to-address-your-envelopes/#Military-Titles

My cousin works for Crane's, and wrote this article.  it's pretty comprehensive and should answer most of your questions.

If someone was in the military but isn't anymore, then you don't use their military rank (unless they retired -- that's different from just getting out).   

pokey730

Even if an officer(commissioned member), gets out, they still retain their rank unless they are decommissioned, so to speak. An officer can be called back to service at any time the military deems necessary. So techinically, they keep their rank.

As a member of the Armed Forces, it doesn't bother me if civilians call me Ms. Even my own family has a loose understanding of the rank structure. Not many of my coworkers would be offended at being addressed as Mr. or Mrs., but there is the occasional over zealous person who demands to be addressed by their rank. This is generally in the case of a fellow member of the military not addressing them properly, not when it comes to being addressed by civilians.

Basically, if you are concerned about offending someone, use their rank while addressing invites, just to be safe. Definitely spell the rank out. Just know, if you are familiar with these people and this is not a military related event, most likely they won't be offended being addressed as Mr. and Mrs.

dem068

You also can ask people what they prefer.  My FI has a few friends in the military and asked for the correct title/spelling for their ranks and one of them said just to address it to him as Mr.