Proper Etiquette for Receptions

KatyT2013

Hello all.. I'm new here! Just wanted to ask you ladies what I should do about my upcoming wedding.  We are wanting a very private ceremony and then a fun reception afterwards. We can't afford to invite everyone we would like to, but people keep asking about wedding plans, etc. Would it be okay to allow them to come if they paid their own way (food, drinks,etc.) I'm not sure the best way to go about this without it looking like charging admission. Help please?

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:46c2dd84-454d-4e16-8592-49a8afdbae8b">Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all.. I'm new here! Just wanted to ask you ladies what I should do about my upcoming wedding.  We are wanting a very private ceremony and then a fun reception afterwards. We can't afford to invite everyone we would like to, but people keep asking about wedding plans, etc. <strong>Would it be okay to allow them to come if they paid their own way (food, drinks,etc.) </strong>I'm not sure the best way to go about this without it looking like charging admission. Help please?
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>No.</div>

J&K10910

See, now you're just fuuucking with us.

chalfacre

Wait.. are you serious? What are you going to do? Stand at the door and hand out tickets? FFS.

coopsbaby

I was thinking hand-stamps.

HandBanana

In Response to Re:Proper Etiquette for Receptions:[QUOTE]Wait.. are you serious? What are you going to do? Stand at the door and hand out tickets? FFS. Posted by chalfacre[/QUOTE]

No. Use color coded wristbands to indicate entre choice and if they paid for the drink special.

NOLAbridealmost

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KatyT2013

TIckets and hand stamps? I just said I didn't want it to look like charging admission. And if this is some sort of mockery, it is rude and not appreciated. I just want some input. Thanks.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:a5bd1c4e-43cc-40df-9294-15b515981fc9">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]TIckets and hand stamps? I just said I didn't want it to look like charging admission. And if this is some sort of mockery, it is rude and not appreciated. I just want some input. Thanks.
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]
I just don't understand the logic behind this. Why would you think it's okay to charge guests for their dinner and drinks, especially if they're already buying you a gift and/or giving you money?<div>
</div><div>If you showed up at someone's birthday party and they charged you for cake and punch, how would you feel?</div>

LeiselEB

People like to ask about wedding plans. I promise they won't be so upset about not being invited that they'll pay their way in. 

Invite who you can afford, and if those not invited ask for wedding info, be vague. No need to give people specifics. 

ootmother2

and you just joined the Knot today?

chalfacre

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:3a80b897-ede4-4d9a-a9f1-edf7f7a54d7d">Re:Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper Etiquette for Receptions: No. Use color coded wristbands to indicate entre choice and if they paid for the drink special.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]
 <div>How silly of me. I should have known the correct etiquette for pay-your-own-way.</div>

HandBanana

In Response to Re:Proper Etiquette for Receptions:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions:TIckets and hand stamps? I just said I didn't want it to look like charging admission. And if this is some sort of mockery, it is rude and not appreciated. I just want some input. Thanks.Posted by KatyT2013I just don't understand the logic behind this. Why would you think it's okay to charge guests for their dinner and drinks, especially if they're already buying you a gift and/or giving you money?If you showed up at someone's birthday party and they charged you for cake and punch, how would you feel? Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

To be fair, I couldn't tell you the number of times I have been invited to a birthday dinner or bar event where I had to pay a cover or pay for everything. Not saying that is right but sometimes I wonder if that is where people get the idea.

KatyT2013

Why does joining today make any difference? I was sharing plans with my bridesmaids and they suggested coming here.A fewog them got married before and said theygot on here to ask questions. I understand that its frowned upon, but if someone wants to pay to come, why cant they?

NOLAbridealmost

There is NO proper way to ask guests to pay their own way (even if they offer for some strange reason!).

The absence of stickers, stamps, tickets, etc. doesn't matter because not paying for your guests is incredibly rude in the first place. In fact, it's THE rudest thing you could possibly do. 

A wedding reception must be completely paid for by the hosts.  If you can't afford a particular thing (booze, sit-down dinner, etc) you simply don't offer it. It's never acceptable etiquette for a guest to open their wallet at the wedding. 

chalfacre

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:d651774f-5197-45ba-8da5-1e5d1f976b8a">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]Why does joining today make any difference? I was sharing plans with my bridesmaids and they suggested coming here.A fewog them got married before and said theygot on here to ask questions. I understand that its frowned upon, but if someone wants to pay to come, why cant they?
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I wonder if your bridesmaids told you to come here so they could get a good laugh reading your bullshiiit.</div>

DramaGeek

Have you actually had someone say "I'll pay for my food!"?  Cause I just can't imagine being so desperate to attend someone's wedding that I'd offer to pay my way in.

If they asked about wedding plans and hinted around about wanting an invite, and you said "unfortunately we're not able to invite everyone we'd like to" and they said, "Well, I'll pay for my my meal!", I can see why you'd feel like it'd be ok.  Think of it this way though - it opens up a whole new can of worms.  Now others who weren't invited want to pay their way, and then what do you do?  Let them all?  What happens if that causes you to exceed the capacity of your venue?  Would you include the cost of the additional centerpieces, linens, etc. in their entry fee?  It's a logistical nightmare, better to just cut it off at invitation only.

SKP82

You invite the people who you can afford to host.

That's it.

DO NOT CHARGE YOUR GUESTS TO ATTEND YOUR RECEPTION.

amorg334

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:d651774f-5197-45ba-8da5-1e5d1f976b8a">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]Why does joining today make any difference? I was sharing plans with my bridesmaids and they suggested coming here.A fewog them got married before and said theygot on here to ask questions.<strong> I understand that its frowned upon, but if someone wants to pay to come, why cant they?</strong>
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Are you serious?  I do not know what world you are living in but by no means is it ever okay to ask people to pay to come to your wedding even if they want to.  If you can not afford them they shouldn't come or you should consider pushing your wedding date to a later date to be able to afford these guests.  This has to be one of the rudest questions I have seen and I can not believe you would even entertain the idea of letting people pay for themselves.  It is time you wake up and smell the coffee.  </div>

KatyT2013

I am not saying I am going to ask them. Several of our riends want to come and they offered to pay for their meal, etc. I insisted this wasnt necessary, but they said they didnt care.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:3065d48e-0d79-4a96-a49a-43bc1b3e3f57">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not saying I am going to ask them. Several of our riends want to come and they offered to pay for their meal, etc. I insisted this wasnt necessary, but they said they didnt care.
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]

And we're telling you that's STILL not ok.  You seem to know that it really isn't, since you're concerned with it looking like you're charging admission.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:3065d48e-0d79-4a96-a49a-43bc1b3e3f57">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not saying I am going to ask them. Several of our riends want to come and they offered to pay for their meal, etc. I insisted this wasnt necessary, but they said they didnt care.
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Be firm. Either invite them and pay for them or don't invite them at all. Period.  </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:3065d48e-0d79-4a96-a49a-43bc1b3e3f57">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not saying I am going to ask them. Several of our riends want to come and they offered to pay for their meal, etc. I insisted this wasnt necessary, but they said they didnt care.
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]
Tell them you're sorry, but you won't allow them to pay for their meal.

sbc2013

This hasn't been mentioned yet and might not be your first choice, but what about hosting those that you can afford to on your wedding day and having a BBQ or get together at another location (your house, a park, whatever) another day/night after the wedding? It wouldn't be a reception (and you shouldn't call it one), but you could still celebrate your marriage with those you care about.

KatyT2013

But if I say no, they will think I don't want them to be there.. which isn't true. id love for them tobe there.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-etiquette-for-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa88c75d-727e-4de5-b09d-da013201a5bbPost:11dc6b17-a5a4-4bea-966a-d5db565e4560">Re: Proper Etiquette for Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]But if I say no, they will think I don't want them to be there.. which isn't true. id love for them tobe there.
Posted by KatyT2013[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>"That's so sweet of you to offer!  Unfortunately, we aren't able to do that but we would love to have you over for dinner sometime after the wedding.  Would __________ (pick a date) work for you?"</div>

J&K10910

Did you TELL them you couldn't afford them?  That was your first mistake.  I'd go with the "Our families are just so big, we don't have the room.  Your offer is so sweet though.  Let's get together after the wedding, ok?"

coopsbaby

We couldn't invite everyone we'd like.

KatyT2013

Well i know its apparently not acceptable and I understand your reasons why, but I just dont see the big deal if they choose to pick up their bill. I've covered my bases and explained so if they continue to pursue, why not just let them. I don't think it will be the end of the world.

DramaGeek

Awesome.  You come here asking for advice and then do what you want anyway.

It's been a stellar day on E, I tell you what.

J&K10910

Ok.  I'm sure that will work out great for you!