UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ

jennylee813

I'm adding my voice to the multitude; FBIL is being an obnoxious bully, and you and your FI have done nothing wrong. I hope, for your sake, that he smartens up and leaves the kids at home (but I'm not holding my breath).

I like salsera's idea of having FBIL be forced to pay for his kids meals, but I'd still make sure that they have to sit on their parent's laps, since you didn't allocate places for them.

I'm also of the club that says if you want an adult reception, have one. As a parent, I like a night out without the kids sometimes, but will also admit that when other (equally related) kids are included and mine are not, I am left wondering why. It wouldn't stop me from going, nor would it make me disown someone, but I'd wonder why.

Good luck, OP. I really hope it works out for you and you have a stress-free, wonderful day. You've earned it!

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ:If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.nbsp; I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.nbsp; Posted by antibride2013You'd cut ties with family if your children aren't invited to a party? That seems a bit over the top. I can understand not going if you don't want to be there without your children, but to take it out on an adult who chooses to have an "adults only" wedding seems a bit drastic. Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]


Eh I draw the line at immediate family to id be pretty upset if they excluded their own immediate family....but if I was op being ignored would completely put me over the edge as well.

Amyzen83

Euch! seriously what is this dude's problem??? It sounds like you spelled it out in every kind of language and he's still bullying you into letting his "precious angels" come. 

What if you told him. it's an adult only wedding because strippers are involved? Lol! JK, don't do that, but what if you explained to him that it's not fair to everyone else with children if you make an exception for his kids. I'm sorry but not all children are the perfect angels we imagine them to be.

Reality: Some kids are obnoxious, run around and disrupt at innapropriate times, can be very germy if not taught how to cover their mouths when they sneeze etc.

What I'd do, is if the kids show up, just have your coordinator deal with them and send them home. Don't even talk to the family. Also if FBIL is in the wedding like you said, I think your FI should plan on him not being in it if it comes down to that. PS. Kudos for not caving!

rachelm13

FI is upset, I am upset, this was a very tricky situation, so for all you lurkers out there, please try to glean something....

We love the kids we reallllllly would do anything for them.  Not having kids at the wedding was something we felt/feel strongly about.  We wanted to just have a "last hurrah" with our family and friends.  While the kids are our family (I had difficult conversations on my side as well) , we made the decision that kids weren't going to be part of the equation for a multitude of reasons.  The fact that it went this far is just so f*d up... 

It just is so hypocritical that people complain about brides being zillas, yada, but don't take into account that sometimes weddings in general make people turn into selfish a$$hats.

I know it was FI and my hill to choose to die on and we don't regret it.  It just sucks that it came to this.

FI has been on the phone with his other siblings since he hit send on his email... it is non stop dramz and I opened a bottle of wine.

RWolff

Rachel (awesome name by the way )-

You and FI are doing everything right. I don't think you need to accomodate these children, because it would validate the FBIL's actions. However, think about giving the little ones some kind of a gift (think coloring book or something else small you know they will like) to give them if they come. You can say something like, "It was so sweet of you to come see me at my wedding! Here's something for you to play with when mommy and daddy take you home! Love you!" Then you can give them a big hug, still be the aunt that loves them, and make them ask their mom and dad what happened. If mom and dad tell them that their mean aunt and uncle didn't want them there, they will likely say something adorable like, "But Aunt Rachel gave us this cool toy! She likes us!"

Others (or you) might have a better specific idea, but my point is that you don't hate these kids. Accomodating them will just make events in the future worse. But showing them that their aunt and uncle care will go a long way toward making those kids realize that this was NOT about them.

Angelface225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:faf0461e-d1b3-498d-856d-8cdb4cffa7df">Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ :
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Knotcrushing you right back for finding that picture.

OP, I feel you, my sister is a bully that uses her daughter against people. It really sucks because I've had to keep them out of my life. Some people are never happy.

banana468

A good friend of mine dealt with this with her SIL.   It was also her H's family and his sister's children were part of the reason that they wanted a child-free event.  

Her SIL also pulled a similar stunt claiming that they couldn't tell them that the kids weren't welcome at the ceremony (it was in a house of worship open to the public) and ultimately they couldn't do anything about that but my friend was P!SSED and to this day the SIL is known as a selfish b!tch.

Enjoy your wedding and try not to let this jerk ruin it for you.

Amyzen83

"You and FI are doing everything right. I don't think you need to accomodate these children, because it would validate the FBIL's actions. However, think about giving the little ones some kind of a gift (think coloring book or something else small you know they will like) to give them if they come. You can say something like, "It was so sweet of you to come see me at my wedding! Here's something for you to play with when mommy and daddy take you home! Love you!" Then you can give them a big hug, still be the aunt that loves them, and make them ask their mom and dad what happened. If mom and dad tell them that their mean aunt and uncle didn't want them there, they will likely say something adorable like, "But Aunt Rachel gave us this cool toy! She likes us!"

Others (or you) might have a better specific idea, but my point is that you don't hate these kids. Accomodating them will just make events in the future worse. But showing them that their aunt and uncle care will go a long way toward making those kids realize that this was NOT about them."

This!

bryemar

Wow...what a post! First of all, sorry that you have to deal w/ the drama. 

Moving on to the suggestion. I think talking with your FBIL to not take his kids is not going to work by the way he is behaving. I think you should ceased all contact/argument since you have told him multiple times about kids. If he keeps calling/mentioning, referred him back to "please read my previous emails". Right now, he feels that the ball is in his court and you guys are chasing the ball without any hopes of getting it. I know...i have weird reference . 

It doesn't matter how many times you guys talk to him. I think you are just wasting your breath and energy. Better spend that enerby and time somewhere else. Like cuddling with each other and enjoying the wedding planning  . 

Then, call you venue/wedding planner/caterer, ask them to prepare a table for four somewhere outside the  main area (kitchen is preferred or lobby), prepare a small arrangement and favors for the kids, and have them escorted to that particular table out of everyone else's view. If FBIL asked you about it, the asnwer could be...well, we made special table for you since you feel that you are an exception and we don't want to upset the 150 (however many) of our guests. But if he shows up without the kids, then show him to the assigned table for him. 

Then enjoy your night! If the kids join in for the dancing part, there is nothing that you can do. But I have a feeling that he'd leave before he finished his dinner, especially if the table is located near the restrooms . 

Malicious? Yes! But, I can't figure out any nicer way to treat someone who is bullying you! 

Amyzen83

I like the idea of moving the family out of view, and Harry87's post

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:9d70bf62-cf93-4b99-844d-f6a5bba6ff03">Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ:Might have been me. I've used that phrase a few times. If it was me, cheers. I hate people who think their kids are what makes the world turn.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]



It was you! :). Thank you!!!!!