Wedding Etiquette Forum

Potential Wedding Shower Situation

This one might be a little long....

So some back story......  My ex-BFF and I have not spoken in ~2 years.  She is not invited to the wedding.  We had a falling out that ended with her saying that I was a horrible friend.  (This was after being there for her through a couple of rehab situations over the last five years and was the last straw with me.  She has already run off most of her friends and thinks she has never done anything wrong to anyone.)  That being said, she and I were BFFs for almost 15 years, and I pretty much grew up at her house.  I am still close with the rest of her family, her parents and two sisters.  They are invited to the wedding.

The first sticky situation is that her family will be invited to the wedding, but she will not.  I have already had a vague conversation with her mom (I said I can't wait to see you, husband, and the two sisters at the wedding and conveniently left my ex-BFF out of the list).  I don't think her parents will have a problem with this, because they know the situation and know I just don't want drama on my day.

The second situation is a bit stickier.  My ex-BFFs mom wants to "get a couple of ladies together" to throw me a wedding shower at the church she attends (also the church a lot of my family attends and I grew up in).  The problem is that I moved away about 10 years ago, and I don't  plan on inviting very many people (other than family) from the church.  I told her of my invite plans (and that I did not think it appropriate to invite people to a shower that are not invited to the wedding), but her response was "people do this at the church all the time, you don't have to invite everyone that comes to the shower to the wedding".  I am worried that she is going to go ahead with her plan.  I was trying to be nice and may not have been firm enough.  What do I do?

Thank you.  Sorry it was so long!

Re: Potential Wedding Shower Situation

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    Yeah, it is tres rude to invite people to the shower if they are not going to be invited to the wedding.

    That being said, since you are not throwing the shower and you have voiced your concerns, if someone DOES get offended, you'll have tried to prevent the situation. I'm not sure if that's going to help you when you run into this problem at all (this is not usually a rational thing) then it looks like it could be a crappy situation. I see your concerns. Voice them again to her, a little sterner this time, and if she persists in doing in that way, hope for the best and apologize profusely to all offended parties. It sounds like it might not be an issue though.

    As far as your "ex-BFF", you can invite whoever you want to the wedding. It doesn't seem like her family is going to make waves over it, so just leave it at that and take things for what they are. Until that becomes a situation, don't make it one.
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    The church shower often falls into the work shower category.  People doing something nice for you without the expectation of an invite.
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