I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......

soccerella7

why is it bad form to plan your bachelorette party? I've had several friends plan their own when a) the didnt have any attendents and  no one stepping up to do it or b) the attendents were in another state from most of the friends.

I guess i see the whole not actually planning it thing and leaving that up to a MOH or other friend, but shoudlnt the bride be allowed some imput on it ?  Or am i misunderstanding and its fine for her to help with activity ideas and such, but not the actual planning

FutureMrsTR

It's ok to say "Yes, I'd like to do this" or "No, I'd rather not do that" or give input on the guest list.  But actually planning and throwing a party in your honor is always in bad taste.

mandi921vh

There is a difference between planning your own bachelorette party and giving whoever has offered to throw you a party input when they ask you for it. It is rude to plan pre-wedding parties that are to be thrown in your honor like the e-party, bridal shower, and bachelorette party. 

baystateapple

What TR said.  Same reason why it's not appropriate to throw a birthday party for yourself.  Or a bridal shower.

Ghoti

I think its ok if you're hosting it right? Its just not ok when your planning the whole thing and expecting everyone else to pay for it?

Wiscisbliss

I think that it is in bad form to throw a party for yourself and expect people to come and bring you presents and pay for your drinks/dinner/hotel.  That is why it isn't OK to throw yourself a shower.  It's saying "Come to my house and bring me a present."

I'm not sure how I feel about a bride organizing a GNO where no costs are put on other guests. 

soccerella7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assume-should-answer-but-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab8dea43-ec12-4bcf-bbb7-5c7e0507c077Post:2251ef62-fb95-4693-be0a-d0b4595d6037">Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......</a>:
[QUOTE]I  I'm not sure how I feel about a bride organizing a GNO where no costs are put on other guests. 
Posted by Wiscisbliss[/QUOTE]


See thats basically what my friends did, but called it a bachelorette party.

one was hey come to my house and have some snacks and drinks before we go to the bar and celebrate my last night as a single woman.  I bought her a small present but it wasnt implied that we should

the other was lets all go to the bar and drink and celebrate my last night as a single woman or whatever.  I felt bad for her since her bridesmaids were two states away and didnt think to plan anything, so she set this up herself.  It didnt seem like she was asking for presents and no one paid for her dinner, but a couple people did get her drinks

MelissaAnne88

You can throw yourself a party...as long as you pay for everything and don't accept presents. It's called "girls' night out" on you!

noodle_oo

It is also rude to organize your own because often everyone else is expected to pay for you.  So it is kind of like asking for money.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assume-should-answer-but-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab8dea43-ec12-4bcf-bbb7-5c7e0507c077Post:c1fcaeb6-be10-4e29-9490-24b2ae2c7e87">Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its ok if you're hosting it right? Its just not ok when your planning the whole thing and expecting everyone else to pay for it?
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

Ghoti, it's still not okay to host your own bach party, because it's in your honor.  You can, however, just plan a girls' night out - as long as you don't make it about you.

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assume-should-answer-but-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab8dea43-ec12-4bcf-bbb7-5c7e0507c077Post:c1fcaeb6-be10-4e29-9490-24b2ae2c7e87">Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its ok if you're hosting it right? Its just not ok when your planning the whole thing and expecting everyone else to pay for it?
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

agreed. my two bridesmaids are poor college students and wouldn't even know where to START whenit comes to planning something like this, so i went ahead and decided to host it myself to take the burden of their shoulders (like everyone says, don't expect anything but buying their own dress from your bridesmaids, right? ) Instead they will help plan, but I'm the one paying for it and I'm totally okay with that, since I'm kinda known to be the party-hostess in my group of friends anyway

FutureJilliannD

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assume-should-answer-but-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab8dea43-ec12-4bcf-bbb7-5c7e0507c077Post:2251ef62-fb95-4693-be0a-d0b4595d6037">Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm not sure how I feel about a bride organizing a GNO where no costs are put on other guests. 
Posted by Wiscisbliss[/QUOTE]

I would be fine with this. I mean, here you are basically just throwing a party. People come, have a good time, noone has to pay for anything. Maybe avoid calling it a B-party to avoid seeming gift-grabby.

soccerella7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assume-should-answer-but-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab8dea43-ec12-4bcf-bbb7-5c7e0507c077Post:40fe8b9d-0d1f-4950-95f3-daf5e57babb8">Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......</a>:
[QUOTE] Maybe avoid calling it a B-party to avoid seeming gift-grabby.
Posted by FutureJilliannD[/QUOTE]

I'm just quoting this to have one, but ive seen other people say somehting similar which brings up my next question....does a bachelorette party typically imply you are to bring a gift?  I've been to a few where a havent and a few where I have (typically lingerie). Or is the gift supposed to be paying for the brides drinks/food (I've actually only been to one where this was asked of me as a participant)

meep2

I totally see your dilemma. Personally I see nothing wrong with saying something like "Hey guys, I want to take you guys out on one of my last night of freedom! Come dancing!" Doesn't say bachelorette party, no penis straws, no veil, no implied "they should buy you gifts and drinks," just that you're celebrating and you want your friends to join you.

(Sometimes I wish we were in the parts of Europe where you treat everyone else on your birthday. Makes things easier. That way there isn't an issue when someone doesn't have that friend around who organizes things, or a question of who pays.)

Ghoti

I've never heard of gifts for a B-party so maybe thats where I'm getting mixed up. It wouldn't be ok to throw a Bridal Shower in your honor, but taking the girls out and making it about you seems kinda like a birthday but without the presents?

FutureJilliannD

I guess in my circle of friends we get each other trashy lingerie for the b-party. Maybe that is not done everywhere. It's not usually expensive stuff or anything.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assume-should-answer-but-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab8dea43-ec12-4bcf-bbb7-5c7e0507c077Post:10765594-3757-468c-aea8-cc561f47c6a8">Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont......</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I assume i should know the answer but since I dont...... : agreed. <strong>my two bridesmaids are poor college students and wouldn't even know where to START whenit comes to planning something like this, so i went ahead and decided to host it myself to take the burden of their shoulders </strong>(like everyone says, don't expect anything but buying their own dress from your bridesmaids, right? ) Instead they will help plan, but I'm the one paying for it and I'm totally okay with that, since I'm kinda known to be the party-hostess in my group of friends anyway
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
You may want to give your friends more credit than that. 

My BP are all out of college, but are in entry-level jobs and paying back student loans, so they are not made of money either.  None of them have been in a wedding before.  But they still have decided to plan and pay for my bachelorette party without my prodding or suggestion.  They would have also done the shower as well, but I declined it because my wedding is small and the women on my guest list are ridiculously spread out all over the country.  Logistically it would be a nightmare to figure out the guest list and location for a shower, since they're all OOT and my apartment isn't really fit for hosting much of anything (it's small and I have a dog that is nervous around strangers).

If people don't host prewedding parties for you, you simply don't get them.  Not everyone has them, and that's okay.  Planning prewedding parties in your honor is still not proper etiquette.

edeeg

I know this is a bit off topic, but a friend of mine never had a bach party. We found out the day of her wedding when we were helping clean up the venue that her MOH (the only attendant and her MUCH older sister) did not throw one. So, a friend and I decided to throw her a "post-bachelorette" party for fun. We decorated a friend's apartment and hung cheesy streamers and stuff. It was reallllllllly low-key since we were poor college kids, but we did have jello shots and we filled out wedding madlibs and talked about how fun the wedding was and such, oh and we gave her some funny gifts too. We threw this the weekend after her wedding since she didn't have a Honeymoon and it was completely a surprise to her.

So just think, if you dont have one before the wedding, you might get one afterward, lol!