NWR: Frustrated and disappointed (Neighbor vent, long)

JK10910

Ok, you ALL know about my awful neighbors.  I'm about at the end of my rope.  And not just with being annoyed with them.  Mom and boy (about 8ish, I believe) have daily screaming matches, sometimes resulting in her swearing at him or him saying he hates her and her replying that she hates him too (seriously lady?). 

She leaves those children (the 8sih year old and an infant...probably around 10ish months, she's just starting to walk and talk) home alone (though not as often since I told the PM and she told mom that she could get evicted for doing that since it's violating the terms of her lease by putting management at an "increased risk" or something). 

More than once the little boy has come home from school to mom not being home, and he's had to sit in the hallway (of course being obnoxious) for over an hour until she got home.  And then she yelled at him for not calling her, even though he insisted he called her multiple times.

Three times in the past two weeks they've come home from somewhere after 1 am.  On school nights.  And then she wonders why the little boy throws screaming, crying, kicking tantrums on the regular (Out in the common hallway,to boot).  These things are only the half of it.  All these happen over and over again, on a regular basis

I've alerted the property manager numerous times, there's really nothing more she can do.  When the screaming has been bad or the children are obviously alone I've called the police.  I have yet to see them come once.  I went to the police department to complain about lack of response and got the standard "short staffed busy time low on the priority list" answer.  I've gone directly to CPS and social services who said due to budget cuts and being short staffed, they're giving priority to complaints with police reports. 

This woman is basically abusing (at least emotionally) and neglecting her children right in front of an entire apartment complex and not a single person can or will do anything to stop it.

This was pretty much just a vent, but if anyone has words of wisdom, I'll take those too.  Whether you think I'm overreacting, or you have an idea for something I haven't tried yet, I'm open to it.  My heart breaks for these kids (even though they're holy terrors, I try to remember that it's not their fault really). 

laurenclaire1386

It looks like you've taken every possible route you can.  It's really sad that police aren't more focused on preventing things from happening, rather than spending so much time dealing with stuff that has already happened. It's hard to stand by and watch and know something terrible will eventually happen.  But know that you've done everything you can.

Stackeye210

How awful, and how ridiculous on the moms part!  I'm not sure what else you can do but to keep trying.  Keep calling the police and keep complaining.  If something happens to that kid you want to be able to tell yourself you've done everything you could to protect him since the mom obviously isn't. 

That's so sad that an adult can be so selfish!  I plan trips to the store and evenings away from home around our daughter's bedtime.  I'd never make her miss a nap because I had something to do.  Parenting is sacrifices and if she isn't sacrificing for her child to keep them safe, then someone needs to step in. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

What are you telling the police? I would just keep at them, even if you make it sound worse than it is. I know it's bad, but being alone for one hour in a heated apartment isn't as bad as, like, spending the night in the parking lot. Tell the police there are two abandoned children at the building. Give few other details.

I'm sorry about this situation. It really sucks. I'd be depressed over it too. I don't know how parents can be so awful.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-frustrated-disappointed-neighbor-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab9c173d-f0be-41de-8bdc-038ed6d01adaPost:3e027a6e-acdb-4ba0-a954-ea3ca94e6354">Re: NWR: Frustrated and disappointed (Neighbor vent, long)</a>:
[QUOTE] I plan trips to the store and evenings away from home around our daughter's bedtime.  I'd never make her miss a nap because I had something to do.  Parenting is sacrifices and if she isn't sacrificing for her child to keep them safe, then someone needs to step in. 
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

That's cause you're a good mom. ;-) I can't stand seeing kids at the mall who are screaming and crying because it's 2pm and they haven't had lunch or a nap yet. Ugh.

JK10910

It's not an hour, though Mery.  It's all day stretches.  (except when boy is hanging out in the hallway locked out of the apartment, then it's usually about an hour.)  But it's true.  It could be worse.

True story (well, embelished with an educated guess) about police response:  One day the police came knocking on apartment doors asking about gun shots.  Seeing as I was home when they claimed the gunshots to have been fired, and I didn't hear anything, I thought it was ridiculous.  Shortly after that there was a note pushed under everyone's door that loud parties needed to stop.  I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if whoever called the cops about the "gunshots" only said they head gunshots because that's pretty  much the only way to get police here.

BecW2be

I think you should call the police the next time he's out in the hallway and tell them there's an abandoned child at your complex, and like PP said, don't give any other details. That will get them out there.

I hate his mother. I want to adopt him and his baby sister.

Stackeye210

I just don't understand how the police do not think an 8 year old watching an 11 month old is not a priority call.  An 8 year old can do anything to that child, they don't have the patience to be left alone with a child so young.  CPS is ridiculous

julezlee

Is there any way to call higher up the food chain at the police department, like police headquarters for your town? 

It sounds like your only option is to keep calling the police and making it sound as bad as possible.  I still can't get over the fact that CPS won't come check on these children without a police visit first.  That totally boggles my mind. 

JK10910

Bec, they'd be so lucky to have you.  I hate her too.

Sadly, that little boy is more of an adult than the mother (half the time, you know, when he's not throwing tantrums and screaming at his mother).  He carries his sister in from the car, carries in the groceries, etc.  The mom doesn't look much older than me (and her mom looks younger than my pareents), so unless they've both aged incredibly well she probably had that little boy when she was a teenager in high school.  Not that teen moms can't be good parents, I know a few that grew the heck up and are awesome moms, but it seems to me she has a case of the "never grew upsies." 

Stackeye210

That boy is probably longing for structure.  It makes me so sad. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-frustrated-disappointed-neighbor-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab9c173d-f0be-41de-8bdc-038ed6d01adaPost:bf4a8f65-8991-4238-8b67-10dd12ca260e">Re: NWR: Frustrated and disappointed (Neighbor vent, long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should call the police the next time he's out in the hallway and tell them there's an abandoned child at your complex, and like PP said, don't give any other details. That will get them out there. I hate his mother. I want to adopt him and his baby sister.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

I agree with this 100%. I would also keep a log of all of the instances of neglect so that you can show how frequent it is. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. That's just heartbreaking. I feel so bad for that little boy. I just want to drive up there and take him home with me.

JK10910

He's a real sweetheart when he's not being a brat too.  Holds the doors open for other people and such.  I was coming in as he was going out once, and he held the door open and said "Please go ahead, ma'am."  He had such a serious look on his little face.  When I said thank you he said "You're very welcome, have a good day!" 

I wonder who taught him those incredible manners.  Surely it wasn't his mother.

[Deleted User]

I really wish things like this never happened. I would imagine that he probably feels very alone and scared most of the time. What a heavy weight for such a little guy.

If it were me, I'd probably try to get to know him a little. I know that it doesn't do anything to solve the neglect issue, but I can remember going through some very alone times when my mom was drinking heavily (I was about that age) and I was left to fend for myself. During those times, just having someone to talk to, meant the world to me.

skippylouwho

I don't know if this is something you can do but what a letter to the editor of your local newspaper complaining about the lack of response from the police and children's services to reported child abuse?  Contact your mayor?  Contact the newspaper and ask them to investigate - no city likes bad publicity like that. 

Find out who the head of CS is and send them a list of dates times of incidents and dates/times you've tried to contact the police and/or CS itself.

JK10910

Cew, I think he's scared of me.  The last time he was sitting in the hall, I went out to ask him if he needed to use a phone to call his mom, or wanted a glass of water or something.  He barely answered and mumbled he called her from school and no thank you, he was fine.  I can kind of see why though, because he has a friend upstairs, and her mom eventually came down and whisked him away upstairs to their apartment, and when his mom came home he got reamed out for it.  But I can keep trying.

I've thought about that Skippy.  It's not a bad idea.

lpstl

I was about to recommend exactly what PP just did, see if you can contact the media. I have no idea how to go about something like that, but maybe it would get picked up. We've all heard the stories about something horrific happening that could have been prevented if the police or CPS had responded to calls.

[Deleted User]

I hate his mom. Hate her!

sarabellam

No words of wisdom, but lots of sympathy. Know that you are doing the right thing by those children, and maybe you should punch that woman in the babymaker so she cannot have any more children. I won't leave my children, ages 8 and 11, home alone yet. I cannot fathom leaving children that age alone.

JK10910

I know Sara.  I didn't get to stay alone at all until I was 11, and then only for short periods of time.  I had a "babysitter" during the summers until I was 13.  I didn't stay home alone overnight until I was 17, and then I actually had a friend stay with me so I wasn't completely alone.  I started "babysitting" when I was 12, but only when my mom or dad was home (it was for a family friend's infant).  My parents let me do everything, to get the experience and such, but they were there in case something went wrong. 

I can't imagine leaving an 8 year old with an infant.  Can he cook?  Can he even reach the stove?  What would he do if the baby choked?  Call me a pessimest, but I wouldn't find an 8 year old capable of handling an emergency situation.

Thank you for your kind words.  I really don't want to be involved, but I can't stand the thought of osmething happening to those kids if there was something I could have done to prevent it (or even if there isn't!)

vallyhoo

Crap. I don't have anything to say other than keep on keepin' on. You're a good man Charlie Brown. I mean, you're a good woman JK.

danieliza1127

I would document all the police calls and reports you've made, and CPS reports you've made, and then send it to your local media stations.  Either that, or just continue to call the police and CPS so that if something ever does go horribly wrong, at least you know you tried.

JJWillis3

Wow. I was going to recommend going to CPS.. but I see you did that. I am a Mother of three kids.. 6, 3, and almost 3 months. I can completely understand how you feel. I have seen a women yelling at her child in a Walmart bathroom (among other things) and it outraged me.

I'm not sure what to recommend. Have you tried asking the police or other people who they would recommend that you contact?

If that is a dead end as well, I would just keep at it. Keep calling the police, keep complaining to the manager, keep contacting CPS, etc.

Someone will finally get annoyed enough to something hopefully.

JK10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-frustrated-disappointed-neighbor-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab9c173d-f0be-41de-8bdc-038ed6d01adaPost:9890dbeb-9fe8-4f34-9d5b-941c28c02dde">Re: NWR: Frustrated and disappointed (Neighbor vent, long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone will finally get annoyed enough to something hopefully.
Posted by JJWillis3[/QUOTE]

That's my goal.  I want people to want me to leave them alone enough to do something!

Clare13

This is a horrible situation.  Keep calling CPS!!!  Make sure on every complaint, they take a report.  Often it takes many reports (by many different people) to get a response.  If there are other people who are willing to call, that will usually also make a difference.  Good luck and don't give up on these kids.  You may be the only person standing up for them. 

squirrly

TV News.  Absoultely.  They LOVE to do sensational stories about government agencies that are lacking.    Play it up.  Also, your mayor's office isn't likely to do much.  But - try your congressman or senator.  Especially if they're coming up for re-election.  And let them know you've called the tv news. 

Also - do you know any police officers, or have a friend that does?  I've got a buddy here who's a cop, and I call him when there's something like this going on.  He rarely is the one who comes out, but he calls whomever he is friends with that patrols that area.  Works like a charm!

thesuninherhead

Call CPS again. Empahsise the fact that the INFANT is being left unattended (with an 8y/o is unattended). They cannot fail to act- most states in the US use the same system as we do for 'screening' child protection reports, and infants left with inappropriate supervision warrant immediate response according to this system. I assure you, if you call and say that the baby is home and that the mother is out, they will attend (likely with the police in tow). 

 

Don't give up on trying to get help for these kids. They can't exactly help themselves here.

 

I didn't realise that you'd called CPS- last time I remember you saying that you didn't because your friend told you not to bother? I'm glad that it seems you have now. You need to continue to document these incidents with them as they happen. I assure you that those relating particularly to the infant will require an investigation response on CPS' system... and I would be highly surprised if this is the first contact they've had with this mother.