Destination Wedding Guest List Issues

KatieandEricHaan

We are having a small destination wedding 4 hours away from most of our family. We are not close to some of our family members but mom is insisting that we invite all her sisters over close friends. Mom says her siblings wont come but we need to invite them anyways, our issue is what if they actually do RSVP attending? We don't want to have 400 people show up when we can only have 200! If we don't invite the aunts or uncles can we invite our cousins (their children)? I hate doing the guest list!!!

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-guest-list-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac42a113-62b7-4ced-a349-6af93f622c1aPost:61d7f37a-4f9f-4ddd-961b-3780f378fa4e">Destination Wedding Guest List Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a small destination wedding 4 hours away from most of our family. We are not close to some of our family members but mom is insisting that we invite all her sisters over close friends. Mom says her siblings wont come but we need to invite them anyways, our issue is what if they actually do RSVP attending? We don't want to have 400 people show up when we can only have 200! If we don't invite the aunts or uncles can we invite our cousins (their children)? I hate doing the guest list!!!
Posted by KatieandEricHaan[/QUOTE]


Only invite the number you can afford and the venue can accomodate.


and turn off the pink!

RaptorSLH

Only invite the people you can afford and have space to host.

I am, however, curious why your aunts and uncles aren't considered close enough to be included in a guest list of 200.  Who is included in that number?  Inviting first cousins but not their parents would probably be sticky.  I wouldn't recommend it.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-guest-list-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac42a113-62b7-4ced-a349-6af93f622c1aPost:61d7f37a-4f9f-4ddd-961b-3780f378fa4e">Destination Wedding Guest List Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a small destination wedding 4 hours away from most of our family. We are not close to some of our family members but mom is insisting that we invite all her sisters over close friends. Mom says her siblings wont come but we need to invite them anyways, our issue is what if they actually do RSVP attending? We don't want to have 400 people show up when we can only have 200! If we don't invite the aunts or uncles can we invite our cousins (their children)? I hate doing the guest list!!!
Posted by KatieandEricHaan[/QUOTE]
Who is paying? If your mom is paying, she wins. If you are paying, you win.

But if more people RSVP yes than your venue can hold, you both lose.

KatieandEricHaan

We are paying for the wedding ourselves. My mom is contributing very little money. We only see my moms family a couple times a year. I'm just not close to them. If we do go to family functions its "Hi how you doing" and that is about it. We have family friends that we are closer to than family. Personally I would rather have the people my fiance and I are close to at our wedding, however I am close to a couple of my cousins, daughters of the aunts in question... 

RaptorSLH

You see them several times a year.  There's no family feud.  You are close to their children, your cousins.  Between age gaps and different interests, I don't know anyone who is close personal friends with all of their blood relatives.  But to exclude them from your wedding for that reason is to overlook the nature of family.

Please reconsider.  Out of your share of 200 guests, can you really not find space for a handful of close relatives?  I understand the fear of the ballooning guest list, but your mom hasn't asked for second cousins and great aunts you've never met.  Frankly, with a wedding that large, including friends but not family that close - especially if you are inviting aunts and uncles on your dad's side - would start a family feud.

ginadog

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-guest-list-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac42a113-62b7-4ced-a349-6af93f622c1aPost:89cc7743-c9e0-4c1d-9e01-93078a9bd32a">Re: Destination Wedding Guest List Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]We are paying for the wedding ourselves. My mom is contributing very little money. We only see my moms family a couple times a year. I'm just not close to them. If we do go to family functions its "Hi how you doing" and that is about it. We have family friends that we are closer to than family. Personally I would rather have the people my fiance and I are close to at our wedding, however I am close to a couple of my cousins, daughters of the aunts in question... 
Posted by KatieandEricHaan[/QUOTE]

You really do not have to fund a wedding/family reunion, if you do not want to.  We're having a destination wedding (in the lower 48 states) and we're just doing immediate family and their SOs/kids, plus good friends.  That already wracked up to 75 people just there.  I am close with some aunts, but they are not invited just because we didn't want to select SOME aunts and not others.

So yes, in the end, you are hosting the wedding so you get to choose who is a guest with a few considerations in mind (invinting just the cousins but not their parents would be sticky).

We did not ask anyone for their input in the wedding list.

lilybug6212

I know it isn't ideal, but you could send out invites in groups.  Send the "A" group first, and after you get a certain number of "no" replys, you can send out your "B" group invites.... You would just probably have to send out the first group earlier than normal so you will get responses more quickly.

It is kind of a gamble, because some people may not respond in time to send out more, but it might be worth a try?