Gifts - no Gifts - Thank you cards

JoeyAnyc

My partner and are we recently married. We separated the ceremony and reception on different days. The ceremony was just our immediate family. The celebration was for 100+ friends, family and loved ones.

So, I know what I am going to say most likely breaks proper etiquette. Being that we didn't have a bridal shower, we ended up putting the gift registery very discretely on the bottom of the invitation. (I know)....

Much to my surprise, just about everyone either purchased gift cards on our registery, or brought a card or gift. The registery was kind of a waste. Only 7 people did the registery.
What was even more surprising is the small handfull of people that didn't give anything...not even a card. I'm talking only 6 people. The shock was the actual people who you would never expect to come empty handed. I know there's a 1 year rule, but honestly that's not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, their presence was good enough for me. But I can't lie and say I didn't notice. I had to go down the guest list to write in what everyone gave, so that I can acknowledge it in their thank you card. It was a surprise...that's all.

I guess that was more of a comment than a question.

Now for the question...When writting out the Thank You cards, is it proper to Thank them in detail for what they gave? example: $100 Gift Card? Also, how quickly am I to get them in the mail? I wanted to include a photo from the celebration in the card.

Thanks in advance. 

SKPM

For cash and GCs, I would not list a specific amount. I generally used, "Thank you for your generous gift. H and I plan to..." buy patio furniture, save for a house, decorate our home, whatever. I would get them out as soon as possible. The photo card thing always poses a delay, but hopefully you can still send them within a month or so of the wedding. ETA: no reason to dwell on people who didn't give a gift. Seriously, what good can come of that? Obviously if they felt they were in a position to give you something, they would have. They didn't, so all you can do is be grateful to have supportive loved ones in your life.

JoeyAnyc

Thanks for your reply. Wasn't sure about the specifics of the Thank You. Hopefully I will get the photos this weekend.

I'm not stressed or upset about the few non-gift people. I was thrilled to have them there. I was just surprised being WHO it was that didn't give. No biggie.

libby2483

Two of my BMs and H's brother didn't give us gifts.  Money is very tight for all of them, though, so I know that just being at the wedding and purchasing their attire was a lot of money for them.  My advice is to just let it go and not dwell on it.

PP was right on with wording.  No need to mention the specific amount.  It is also good to mention what you plan to put the money towards.

hoffse

If your photos get turned around really quickly then photo cards are fine.  To be honest, I was raised with the 2 week rule for getting thank yous out, and if I get a thank you that's more than a month after a wedding I've sort of lost track of it.  Longer than two months and I sort of judge.

We are not doing photo thank yous because we are leaving for our honeymoon 3 weeks after the wedding, and I want the thank you notes mailed before we go.  I know I will be able to relax better if that task is complete.

I usually don't say, "thanks for the $100."  But I do say, "thanks for your very thoughtful gift.  We will be using it to buy x."  Since you have so much left on your registry, I would honestly pick a $50 item, a $75 item, and a $100 item etc. and just use those as your go-to items for the thank yous.

aurianna

Just to quench your curiousity since you mentioned being surprised by it... since registry info should not be in the invitation, sometimes when it is, people who know about etiquette can be passive aggressive and give you something that you didn't register for or maybe not bring a present at all.
And even the best of us get passive aggressive sometimes...

JoeyAnyc

Thanks again for your suggestions. I plan on getting the Thank You cards out next week...with or without photos. I appreicate the comments on proper wording.

For those who did not give a gift, is it proper to send them a Thank You card, thanking them for sharing your special day?

I didn't mind cards vs. registry gifts, etc. Having not planned a wedding before, I didn't know what the outcome would be. At the end of the day, it all goes to the same place. We are moving into our new home in the spring. All money/gift cards are going into furnishing the new place.

Thanks again for all of your feedback. It's been an interesting journey. Glad I found this site to help me along the way 

Cole&Kailee

In Response to Gifts - no Gifts - Thank you cards:

We got married 2 months ago and to our surprised, 20 people didn't bring a gift OR even a card. I understand its their presence that means the most (even though 10 of those people are close family and were no shows). It upset me! I couldn't pretend like hanging out with these friends and visiting the family was fine and dandy because it was awkward!

I never mentioned it and probably won't. Just have to forget about it and move on. It sucks that you spent all this money on throwing a great party, offering booze and food and they couldn't even get a card to say "thanks". Oh well, people will have to live with themselves and we'll have more class and move on. Nothing to hold a grudge over or lose friendships over!