Young widow-second wedding

ladykatharine

I am a widow. My first husband passed away five years ago when I was 27. I'm 32 about to marry again. Here's my question, do I invite my first husband's family to the ceremony? Our relationship has been strained since he died and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or make a scene. Also, I have four very over protective brothers. I'm afraid they'll make a preemptive attack on the MIL to threaten her to stay in line. I'm inviting them to the reception, but I'm unclear on the social protocol for the ceremony. Opinions?

MyUserName1

Why are you inviting them to the reception?

Everyone should be invited to BOTH events unless the ceremony is a VERY small, private event (i.e. immediate family only.  no aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.).

Eta: full sentences are good.

sparent2010

Well you should invite them to both if you are inviting them to one-

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_young-widow-second-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ace2d8cf-0204-4eaa-9efd-96f734721976Post:fa67d1da-8bda-4d6c-b3fc-06714b94b6fd">Young widow-second wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a widow. My first husband passed away five years ago when I was 27. I'm 32 about to marry again. Here's my question, do I invite my first husband's family to the ceremony? Our relationship has been strained since he died and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or make a scene. Also, I have four very over protective brothers. I'm afraid they'll make a preemptive attack on the MIL to threaten her to stay in line<strong>. I'm inviting them to the reception, but I'm unclear on the social protocol for the ceremony. Opinions?</strong>
Posted by ladykatharine[/QUOTE]

<div>First of all, I'm sorry about your loss.</div><div>
</div><div>Secondly, please don't have a tiered reception.  Those invited to the reception should also be invited to the ceremony, unless it's a truly private ceremony.</div><div>
</div><div>Invite them if you want them to be there.  You don't have to if you aren't close, however.</div>

krizzo17

We were in a similar situation a few years ago, but from your late husband's family's point of view.

My Aunt (my dad's sister) passed away after almost 40 years of marriage to my uncle. He had no family of his own other than the children he had with her. Because he had been in our lives for so long, he continued to be a part of family events. When he decided to remarry, we were invited to the ceremony and the reception.

I'll admit, the ceremony was hard, and many of us fought back tears since it felt like a reminder that my aunt was gone. But he is still our family, whether she is alive or not. If you're situation is similar to this, I'd say invite them, but if you don't have much contact with them, you can go your separate ways.

achiduck

If you're inviting them to the reception, they need to be invited to the ceremony as well. It's rude to do otherwise.

If you really want them there, then invite them. If not, don't. Do you still socialize with them on a general basis?

jessicabessica

Sorry for your loss.  I am confused as to why you are having them at your reception, but you aren't sure about the ceremony . I would invite them to both or neither, unless you are having a small, immediate family only ceremony with a large reception, in which case I would not invite them to the ceremony. 

rebarobert2012

If they are invited to the reception, they must be invited to the ceremony, too. 

However, it sounds like you do not really want to invite them to either since you said relations are strained between you.  If they feel the same way, even if you do invite them, it sounds like they would likely decline.

Birdie1483

My advice is to invite them to nothing. It's rude to only invite them to the reception, and if you're having second thoughts about wanting them at the ceremony, it's probably best to just exclude them from everything.