What to do?

livnsamsmama

My bridal shower is tomorrow. Today several people who were not invited contacted my MOH and mother to either RSVP, or ask to be invited. They accepted the RSVPs and gave the info, so basically a verbal invite. Am i expected to now invite them to my wedding? It gets more complicated, as most of them are in circles I did not invite. So inviting one and not, say, the other 8, could potentially hurt a lot of feelings. I want to do the right thing, but just cannot invite everyone!

Loopyseven

If you didn't invite the circles you know them from, how did they even find out about the shower to invite themselves in the first place?  

Your mom and MOH should not have accepted the RSVP in the first place, but I don't think you're obligated to invite them to the wedding over this.

allychase

Well I'd say someone who invited themselves to a shower may get the hint that perhaps they weren't on any original guest lists, including the wedding, but then again they seem to lack common courtesy so I doubt they'll take any hints unless you straight up tell them they aren't invited to the wedding. Other posters have better ways of wording it, but typically the "We wish we could invite everybody, have you tried this bean dip?" Or whatever they say would work. 

livnsamsmama

Edie Bee- I have not sent wedding invites yet, but sent STDs and they did not get one. They are not on any guest list.

Loopyseven- One of my BMs made post on facebook, something like "getting everything ready for (tags me)'s bridal shower tomorrow!" as well as a few people posting regrets on my wall. Not all of these people are even my friend on facebook, so I guess they heard it from someone who is, or saw it on one of the posters' walls. Two are very distant relatives, so they may have heard it from a closer relative that did get an invite.

I agree they should not have accepted the RSVP, and they have been advised not to for any other party or the wedding.

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-do-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad079ba6-25a3-4245-8112-3e6c508eb7d7Post:f9686102-fa61-45a1-b646-2d02672eeeb7">Re: What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Edie Bee- I have not sent wedding invites yet, but sent STDs and they did not get one. They are not on any guest list. Loopyseven- One of my BMs made post on facebook, something like <strong>"getting everything ready for (tags me)'s bridal shower tomorrow!" as well as a few people posting regrets on my wall.</strong> Not all of these people are even my friend on facebook, so I guess they heard it from someone who is, or saw it on one of the posters' walls. Two are very distant relatives, so they may have heard it from a closer relative that did get an invite. I agree they should not have accepted the RSVP, and they have been advised not to for any other party or the wedding.
Posted by livnsamsmama[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Who invited themselves to things?! I just can't imagine...</div><div>
</div><div>To the bold-I would reccomend asking your BMs and family not to post too much wedding-related stuff, especially specific events like that, because this is exactly what can happen. I

</div>

Gustafson28

Ditto PP. Facebook just leads to trouble and hurt feelings for wedding stuff

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-do-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad079ba6-25a3-4245-8112-3e6c508eb7d7Post:1290219d-6dcf-4484-8320-78f1659b15da">Re: What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do? : Who invited themselves to things?! I just can't imagine... <strong>To the bold-I would reccomend asking your BMs and family not to post too much wedding-related stuff, especially specific events like that, because this is exactly what can happen. I</strong>
Posted by arco13[/QUOTE]
You can always ask your BM's not to tag you, but I don't know that you have any right to tell them what to post on their own FB wall. <div>My Mom posted for shower etiquitte advice as her status (after I had already given her the correct answer) I was PISSED....but it's not my FB to "control".</div>

Jen4948

Well, it's too late for this particular shower, but I'd let your family and bridesmaids know not to post about it in the future on Facebook, because it's leading people to believe that they're invited when they're not.

Aside from that, I'd tell your mother and bridesmaid that these people weren't invited.  You don't need to invite them to the wedding, but you do need to make it clear to them that that's the case in a tactful way.  I'd say something like, "Sadly, it isn't possible for us to invite everyone we'd like to the wedding due to space and budget issues, so unfortunately we weren't able to invite you.  I'm really sorry for the confusion about the shower."

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-do-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad079ba6-25a3-4245-8112-3e6c508eb7d7Post:95befd16-b9ce-4fad-ac94-4ba4ada25ead">Re: What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do? : You can always ask your BM's not to tag you, but I don't know that you have any right to tell them what to post on their own FB wall.  My Mom posted for shower etiquitte advice as her status (after I had already given her the correct answer) I was PISSED....but it's not my FB to "control".
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]


Oh, I wasn't saying the OP should control what her BMs post, I should have used the word request. I don't see anything wrong with mentioning to the BMs that the posting may be causing some issues, and while you're thrilled they're so excited about all things wedding, is there any way they could keep specific posts like that to a minimum to avoid any future issues like this =)