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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    First Comment
    Missy, I totally get your point.  I just saw the money argument made on Page 1 as well, and it bugged me.  For what FI and I are spending on this wedding, we could have put a down payment on a house, and furnished it fully.  So I think someone's choice to spend money on a party like this shouldn't be called into question.

    But I agree with you overall.  FI's family may or may not have a similar situation to deal with.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:6b5a6de8-ca44-4e90-9402-111493c3abb5">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Missy, I totally get your point.  I just saw the money argument made on Page 1 as well, and it bugged me. <strong> For what FI and I are spending on this wedding, we could have put a down payment on a house, and furnished it fully.</strong>  So I think someone's choice to spend money on a party like this shouldn't be called into question. But I agree with you overall.  FI's family may or may not have a similar situation to deal with.
    Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

    Amen. I am with you there. I don't regret our wedding day b/c it was beautiful and awesome, but wish I still had the money so we would be further along with our down payment for a house.
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  • ajroarkajroark
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:e7f936d5-9dfb-4926-bc5f-e0b1290c6486">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I'm in the minority. Maybe you can't call it a "wedding" on your invite but you can call it a celebration of your marriage. If you want your Dad to walk you down the aisle do it. You'll need to modify your ceremony a bit, as pp suggested model it more after a vow renewal then a first time wedding ceremony. If you want your best friend to stand up as your Maid of Honor, ask her. If you want to finally have that first dance as husband and wife, have it. If your bridesmaids want to throw you a shower, let them. Frankly, weddings are all symbolic anyway, yours may be a little late in the game but that doesn't mean you can't have it. The people who frown upon it are the ones who probably don't matter to much to you in the long run anyway. The people who love you and your husband and your baby (congrats on the surprise by the way) should be happy to come and celebrate your lives together. Thats my two cents at least....
    Posted by trawas01[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. I like the idea of the "Celebration of Marriage."
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  • cpfwvucpfwvu member
    First Comment
    I've been to two weddings where the couples had been married for several months for convenience purposes. One couple got married because the woman had to move overseas for work - they had another full-blown ceremony in a church about 6 months later. The other couple had been married a year and living together openly as a married couple, but they just stood in front of the crowd on the dance floor and read their own vows to each other without an officiant. That one was more of a delayed reception. I understand why some people do this, but the concept is still annoying to me. Married is married. I already knew they were married and that I wasn't really witnessing the actual event. On the other hand, I still attended and had a good time and didn't act like a jerk about it. Your loved ones will still support you.

    In Europe, don't they have a civil service AND a church service? I suppose you could draw parallels to that tradition, but I think they're usually the same day, or within a few days.
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  • MissKate2011MissKate2011 member
    First Comment
    I definitely know someone who needs to read this...

    My "friend" married his 19yo gf in a secret ceremony this past February for no special reason (I mean no pregnancy, or military posting or something that would warrant a quicky wedding)... Didn't tell anyone (not even parents) for a few weeks.  But now it's all she posts about on FB.. (they share an account)

    Recently it was: "GOT OUR WEDDING CERTIFICATE! Love you angel!"

    And lets not forget this...

    "Attention: Our formal wedding date will be changed due to financial issues, this is a notice for everyone who was told it would be Xth, it will now be changed to next year!"

    Formal wedding date??? WTF!

    One family member even wrote: "I can't wait to come to your real wedding" to which I replied "Their wedding was real"

    I don't know why it pisses me off so much and they are young and their parents are probably accepting this and maybe even pushing it (they're upset they didn't get to be there) but everytime I see one of these posts I want to cvntpunch her...


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  • overloadedoverloaded
    First Comment
    In the end the only thing that matters is what you want. You prob shouldnt do the vows, but you could write your own. My H and I have been married for 9 years on May 19th. Next year will be our 10th wedding aniv. Your situation is exactly like mine. I got pregent after the doc said I couldnt. I was put on bedrest and couldnt plan our wedding. So we decided to have our big dream wedding on our 10th wedding aniv. Do what makes you happy. Some girls, like myself NEED this. I have been dreaming of my big dress and perfect wedding  since I was 5. I feel blessed that I can have both of our  children with us on our special day. These girls can say its tacky and weird, but they are not going to be at your wedding. My family is very tradition and they LOVE the idea. Do what makes you happy. Thats the only thing that matters in the end.
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  • nattykinsnattykins member
    First Comment
    I say go for it - but I also know I'm in the minority!

    I read a lot of these boards and I think that a lot of what my FH and I end up doing would be considered tres "tacky" and "wrong" by many readers but really, we're going to do what we want, our family and friends know this (and if some talk behind our backs, who cares?) and we think they will all have a blast!

    So go enjoy your (fake) wedding, wear your white dress, have your dad walk you down the aisle and have your wedding party. If you officiant says it's fine, say your vows and exchange rings! Have the wedding day that you deserve! :)

    Again, I know I'm in the minority but I tend to take life lightly and don't like it when people tell me I can't do something (besides serious legal issues such as murder or something of the like :P)
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:ae30ccae-2b99-47d4-a9f9-72ee7c3e51fc">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In the end the only thing that matters is what you want. You prob shouldnt do the vows, but you could write your own. My H and I have been married for 9 years on May 19th. Next year will be our 10th wedding aniv. Your situation is exactly like mine. I got pregent after the doc said I couldnt. I was put on bedrest and couldnt plan our wedding. So we decided to have our big dream wedding on our 10th wedding aniv. Do what makes you happy. <strong>Some girls, like myself NEED this. </strong>I have been dreaming of my big dress and perfect wedding  since I was 5. I feel blessed that I can have both of our  children with us on our special day. These girls can say its tacky and weird, but they are not going to be at your wedding. My family is very tradition and they LOVE the idea. Do what makes you happy. Thats the only thing that matters in the end.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't get the bolded statement.  You don't need your PPD.  You will not curl into a ball and die if you don't get it.  You might really, really WANT a PPD, but you definitely don't NEED it.  Big difference.

    </div>
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    Ditto DNB.  You NEED food.  You NEED water.  You don't NEED a PPD. 

    Wants and needs are completely different. 
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  • overloadedoverloaded
    First Comment

    I am so flippin glad I have supportive family and friends.

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  • nattykinsnattykins member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:1bfd3c0d-8160-4fa7-8fea-e366fd067d94">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so flippin glad I have supportive family and friends.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    Agreed!!!!!!!! 

    We could have a nudist wedding in the middle of a park during supper hour with no dinner and a cash bar and they'd all say, "let's do it!" haha
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:1bfd3c0d-8160-4fa7-8fea-e366fd067d94">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so flippin glad I have supportive family and friends.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well that's different that what your post said before, which was "I second and third that.  Well put."  Not sure who that was in reference to anyways.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't understand why you think nobody here is supportive.  Not one person said not to have your party.  People said not to call it a wedding.  And that you don't NEED a PPD day.  Apparently your family must be aware of some life or death condition you have where your survival hinges on having a PPD and that's why they are supportive.</div>
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  • overloadedoverloaded
    First Comment

    Sometimes proper etiquette needs to be thrown out the window.

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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    overloaded - What are you overloaded on?  Not common sense apparently. 

    How do you fail to distinguish between wants and needs?  That won't get you too far. 
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:7a69ecff-6941-464f-80c7-8c1f49b83e67">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes proper etiquette needs to be thrown out the window.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    Then don't post on the etiquette board.  Again, my previous statement applies.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:7a69ecff-6941-464f-80c7-8c1f49b83e67">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes proper etiquette needs to be thrown out the window.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    <div>How about just thrown to a different board, as in not on the etiquette board? </div>
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:7a69ecff-6941-464f-80c7-8c1f49b83e67">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes proper etiquette needs to be thrown out the window.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    Maybe.  But not on this board.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:7a69ecff-6941-464f-80c7-8c1f49b83e67">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes proper etiquette needs to be thrown out the window.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    If one is ok with getting judged behind their back by their friends and family. Fine. But don't ask for the truth/what to do.

    The YOUR day mentality & every girl NEEDING a pretty princess day is silly. Sorry.

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  • overloadedoverloaded
    First Comment

    I recently had a cancer scare and I am still waiting on test results to come back .Cancer runs really bad in my family. My cousin had 3 to 5 years to live and she died in two. I made a list of things I feel I need to do in my life and this is one of them. Taking my family on a road trip across America  is another thing I feel I need to do. I know I will not die if I do not have these things, but its the memories I need for me and my family.

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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:de1d2235-bb75-47b6-886a-d05ad8a843c4">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I recently had a cancer scare and I am still waiting on test results to come back .Cancer runs really bad in my family. My cousin had 3 to 5 years to live and she died in two. I made a list of things I feel I need to do in my life and this is one of them. Taking my family on a road trip across America  is another thing I feel I need to do. I know I will not die if I do not have these things, but its the memories I need for me and my family.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    Sorry to hear that. Hope you are ok.

    Your situation is different than the OP. I understand your family coming together to celebrate life, love, etc. However, that does not mean that etiquette is thrown out of the window for other situations. You are comparing apples and oranges here.

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    Married 9/15/11

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:06cfd4d2-e451-422a-b3c2-36516877409f">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help!! Real Wedding question : Sorry to hear that. Hope you are ok. Your situation is different than the OP. I understand your family coming together to celebrate life, love, etc. However, that does not mean that etiquette is thrown out of the window for other situations. You are comparing apples and oranges here.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this.  I hope your test results come back okay.  But your wanting family to come together for a big celebration is different than just wanting a wedding do-over and ignoring etiquette.</div>
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  • j_jayej_jaye
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_real-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad5a5d0c-eb1a-45ae-a0f6-8420cf088428Post:de1d2235-bb75-47b6-886a-d05ad8a843c4">Re: Help!! Real Wedding question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I recently had a cancer scare and I am still waiting on test results to come back .Cancer runs really bad in my family. My cousin had 3 to 5 years to live and she died in two. I made a list of things I feel I need to do in my life and this is one of them. Taking my family on a road trip across America  is another thing I feel I need to do. I know I will not die if I do not have these things, but its the memories I need for me and my family.
    Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

    Sorry to hear this.

    As someone who is battling cancer and has been battling cancer for several years I do find your other posts a bit bizarre. Personally I don't think having an illness is an excuse to throw etiquette out the window.  We could have JOPed it many times over the past few years (some very touch and go periods) but I wanted a wedding day and I knew that having a JOP marriage would mean I had to fore go that.
    I too have a list of things that I would like to do before dying (I am sure everyone has one not just the ill) and it is a great thing to have and draw strength from.  
    I personally get really mad when I see people like the OP coming on here disrespecting courthouse/JOp weddings as not being "real". If I had JOPed it I sure as hell would feel that was my real wedding. Would I be disppointed that I didn't get a big party of course but I would live with my choice because that is what it is.
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  • KnalexisKnalexis member
    First Comment
    OKAY CRAZY CATS... LET'S ALL TAKE A BREATH....

    I had to weigh in on this one!! OP- its the 21st century. Do your thing. Most people are having sex before marriage, living with their boyfriends before engagement, having babies before the wedding. I am not sure who declared that certain things have to be done a certain way, when all of this other stuff goes on. I am pretty sure the others who have made their comments are not hitting up church every Sunday consistently, or doing it all by the books themselves...

    I do not see why if you have one chance in life (you hope you do this only once!) to have a wedding, why you would choose to run to the courthouse over planning some form of a wedding with at least your immediate family and a couple best friends, gathered at a home with a unitarian to do the thing.

    However, this was your choice - so I say, have a wedding, watch your wording on the invites, and don't go overboard. NOT because you are already married, but because you DO have a child to care for, and the cost of a full blown wedding, honestly, is money that may be allocated toward you and your child's future (think college, a car, your retirement)...

    It is a five-hour party. Have fun. Live your life, and be well. Smile
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    Yes... because having sex before marriage is the same thing as having 2 weddings, to the same person without a divorce in between.

    Sex before marriage isn't about etiquette.  It effects nobody else but yourselves.  Throwing a "wedding" when you are already married and inviting people, makes it not about you anymore.  Sorry KN, but your argument holds no ground. 
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  • Kmcgrail1190Kmcgrail1190 member
    First Comment
    You deserve a real wedding, if someone has an isues becasue your already LEGALLY married, then they don't have to come to the wedding, its about you and your husband, not what other people think about you being married/unmarried/whatever. There is nothing to feel guilty about, everyone deserves the kind of wedding they want, and that includes you. Have an awesome wedding and consider yourselves renewing your vows if the guilt is still eating away at you!

    religious, non religious, you want your family to celebrate you too spending the rest of your lives together, so do it.
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