Not inviting aunt & cousins - how to avoid hurt grandfather?

lindseymon

Hey Everyone,
I am trying to avoid hurt feelings for my grandfather but I am not sure I can. I'm hoping y'all might have some creative ideas on this one?

I have an aunt who I am not inviting to my wedding. She has two grown children, who are both married. I am also not inviting either of them. I don't want them at my wedding because of terrible things they have done and said with regard to my grandfather and of course, he has no clue about any of it. They are mean and hateful to me and my mother as well. This is my second wedding and I refuse to have anyone there who I don't want.

My first thought was just to not say anything to my grandfather, not invite these people, and just be vague if he asks where they are. Another idea I had was to have a tiny ceremony with just my grandfather, our parents and siblings and then have the 'party' later. I just don't know what to do. I feel like if I am totally honest with him it will make him very sad and I certianly don't want to do that to an old man on hospice.

Thank you so much for any thoughts.
Lindsey

s-aries8990

You may just want to be honest with a sugar coat- Tell him that you don't get along with them, and in trying to keep the wedding intimate, inviting them is just not a good idea. You don't need to tell him what they have said, just tell him you wish to not have a relationship with them, you don't get along or like each other, and not inviting them will save a lot of headaches.

I know it hurts to see loved ones hurt, but you're not doing so out of spite or malice, so you're not in the wrong.

itzMS

You don't have to invite the "bad eggs" to your wedding.

Anyways, about your grandfather's feelings, if he is in hospice care, does he even have medical clearance to attend your ceremony & reception? Usually, if someone is in hospice care (at least in my area) it means that they are very near (< 1 year) the end of their life. 

Perhaps you're just using the wrong terminology, but if he actually is in hospice, I would suggest just keeping things positive and showing him pictures of your dress & wedding ideas and not bring up the guest list.

lindseymon

Yes, he is on hospice but he is at home, not in a facility. He still gets around pretty well and is sharp as a tack mentally! Hospice doesn't necessarily mean you're on your deathbed, I recently learned. My wedding isn't for 5 months so I don't know what will happen between now and then, but I am trying to stay positive and plan for him to be in attendance  :) 


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-inviting-aunt-cousins-how-to-avoid-hurt-grandfather?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad6d88db-d09f-469b-9391-5937022b0c21Post:7be45e53-0047-4bc7-a8ef-fdf3915267c5">Re: Not inviting aunt & cousins - how to avoid hurt grandfather?</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have to invite the "bad eggs" to your wedding. Anyways, about your grandfather's feelings, if he is in hospice care, does he even have medical clearance to attend your ceremony & reception? Usually, if someone is in hospice care (at least in my area) it means that they are very near (< 1 year) the end of their life.  Perhaps you're just using the wrong terminology, but if he actually is in hospice, I would suggest just keeping things positive and showing him pictures of your dress & wedding ideas and not bring up the guest list.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

jessicabessica

I wouldn't bring it up beforehand, and if he asks where they are, just tell him you've grown apart from them and ended up not inviting them.  I wouldn't say you don't like them or they're mean, and definitely don't tell him what they say about him.

theelusive1

I would invite grandpa.  I would not invite the aunt and the cousins.  If and  I say IF grandpa says where are they?  say I am not sure and move on with your day.  I am sure there will be enough going on that he will be busy and not think about it. If it comes up again say I think they are at home.  The next day you can talk to grandpa and tell him they have been not so nice and you decided you did not want their hatefulness at your wedding.