How to bring up budget with dad?

mcreel33

I was wondering how would be the right way to bring up the budget for my wedding with my father?  When I told him I was engaged he told me I had to do it right ( I was planning on eloping) but since he hasn't brought up the subject and I feel weird bringing it up.  So any suggestions?

Night_Sprite

Bring it up as in bring up his contribution?  You can't do that.  Have the wedding you want because paying for it is your responsibility until funds from him/whoever wants to help are in your hand.

ohwhynot

You really can't; you plan on financing your own wedding.  If he wants to contribute, he'll let you know.  Now if he insists that you "do it right" by having all sorts of thing you can't afford, you are perfectly okay in telling him that it's not in your budget. 

DanielleD7782

My parents actually brought it up to me. I didn't start on wedding plans/talk for the first 2 months. It was nice to just take time to enjoy the engagement. My parents came to me after a month and said hey, are you going to do any planning soon? If you are..we are will to pay XYZ. I know they appreciated not having me knocking on their door asking for money right away.

On the other hand my sister in law stomped in the house a week after being engaged and threw wedding magazines on the kitchen table and wanted to know how much my parents were going to contribute to her and my brothers wedding. My parents still resent her for to this day for the rude behavior. They hadn't even had a second to think about how much they could afford yet.

If your parents don't bring it up just find a tactful way to approach it after giving them some time to discuss how much they want to contribute.

MyNameIsNot

If he wants to contribute, he will bring it up.  Until then, assume you are paying for it yourself.  

If he comments that something you are doing isn't "doing it right" respond that you don't have the budget to do it any other way.

goheels05

Ask him what he meant by "you have to do it right."  If he says that you have to have a big wedding with this, that, and the other thing, tell him you don't have enough money for all of that.  See where the conversation goes from there. 

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bring-up-budget-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ad6db391-356d-4576-a241-1d601d7f61adPost:65ad0084-6cea-4895-a1bb-e439e1f7e53a">Re: How to bring up budget with dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask him what he meant by "you have to do it right."  If he says that you have to have a big wedding with this, that, and the other thing, tell him you don't have enough money for all of that.  See where the conversation goes from there. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]


Yep, this.  You can't ask him to contribute.  But you can tell him what you can afford to do.  Perhaps he meant that he wants to see you get married and isn't really excited about you possibly eloping.  There are lots of ways to have a wedding with immediate family and control the costs. 

Figure out first what you and your FI want.  Then, what you can afford.  THEN ask dad what he meant, and come to an intelligent resolution of alll three of those things.