"Officiant" problems?

mandcz

My fiance and I asked a friend of his to officiate the wedding; this person has done it before, though not in our state. Our wedding is about 3 months away, and despite the fact that this friend said he'd do it back in January, he has made no steps to become legal in our state. We have both sent him messages on Facebook, which is the way that we speak to him most, asking him how things were going, if he knew if he'd make it, and if he still wanted to do it, but he has not responded to them. Mind you, he responds to every OTHER message we send him on Facebook, just not these. So, what should I do? I hesitate to ask him the same thing again in a text message or phone call because I don't want to seem pushy, but at the same time, we kind of need to know if we need to find another officiant or not! Would it be rude to select someone else to officiate, when we already asked him and he agreed, even though he's refusing to discuss it or take steps to become legal in our state?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae66e00d-f32d-456e-a0d8-89ba8bbba84bPost:807eac2c-25a2-48c8-8c7c-3b00b2663ec6">"Officiant" problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I asked a friend of his to officiate the wedding; this person has done it before, though not in our state. Our wedding is about 3 months away, and despite the fact that this friend said he'd do it back in January, he has made no steps to become legal in our state. We have both sent him messages on Facebook, which is the way that we speak to him most, asking him how things were going, if he knew if he'd make it, and if he still wanted to do it, but he has not responded to them. Mind you, he responds to every OTHER message we send him on Facebook, just not these. So, what should I do? I hesitate to ask him the same thing again in a text message or phone call because I don't want to seem pushy, but at the same time, we kind of need to know if we need to find another officiant or not! Would it be rude to select someone else to officiate, when we already asked him and he agreed, even though he's refusing to discuss it or take steps to become legal in our state?
Posted by mandcz[/QUOTE]

Pick up the telephone and speak to him like an adult.

lyndausvi

I do not get why you would not call him in the first place. 

Birdie1483

I would pick up the phone and call him first. Then come up with a backup plan.

elizabethjane25

you need to call him and ask him what's up. let him know that it's okay if he doesn't want to do it anymore, but he needs to tell you so that you can make other arrangements.

Avion22

DId he say at first that he would do it, and now isn't responding?  If so, then pick up the phone.

If you asked him via FB and he didn't respond, several times, then he doesn't want to do it and doesn't know how to tell you.  You could still cal, but you might be puting him on the spot.

Brandiewine11

Just pick up the phone. Maybe he changed his mind and doesn't want to tell you. Just let him know you'd love to still have him, but its ok if he can't, but you just need to know so you can make a backup plan.

IMO, FB is not an appropriate place to discuss stuff like this. Getting addresses, etc is ok, but not important stuff.

mandcz

Yikes! I guess that's what I get for asking a question on an etiquette board. The reason I use Facebook is because 1. It's a social networking site .. you know, for networking socially? Calling someone on a telephone instead of writing a hand-written letter or asking in person used to be just as taboo. 2. He works a completely different shift than we do, and we would most likely be waking him up if we called, so I was trying to be polite by not interrupting his sleep. I apologize for my uncouth behavior, and shall not trouble you fine ladies again.