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Getting married...

While going thru a divorce. I've been legally married for 7 yrs but been seperated from my EXhusband for 3 yrs. Im getting remarried May 19 as wedding plans are well underway. Venue booked, dress paid for and so on. I have filed for my divorce but not sure if it will be finalized in time for my wedding according to the courts. Iknow because of this I wont be able to get a marriage license until its finalized. Can I still just have the ceremony and we get our license once my divorce is finalized ? TIA for any advice.
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Re: Getting married...

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    I would wait until you are legally divorced before having the ceremony. Is it possible to change the date with the venue? 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:e8aa190c-2e48-4e7d-8017-345cdd52251d">Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]While going thru a divorce. I've been legally married for 7 yrs but been seperated from my EXhusband for 3 yrs. Im getting remarried May 19 as wedding plans are well underway. Venue booked, dress paid for and so on. I have filed for my divorce but not sure if it will be finalized in time for my wedding according to the courts. Iknow because of this I wont be able to get a marriage license until its finalized. Can I still just have the ceremony and we get our license once my divorce is finalized ? TIA for any advice.
    Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

    Postpone your wedding.
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    Sounds like you've got an awful lot on your plate.  I don't have much to say on the matter though, except for that in my state (VT), the ML has to be returned by the officiant within 10 days of the wedding.  You MUST have the ML before the ceremony takes place, otherwise it is invalid.  Research the laws for your state, it may provide some answers for you.  If the divorce isn't official in 2 months, then you obviously can't get married.  If that happens, I would suggest going through with your plans, just not having an actual wedding, but a commitment ceremony instead.  Once your divorce is final, you can go to the courthouse and get officially married.  I don't know how you ended up in this situation, but I REALLY hope it works out well for you!  :)
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    I've never understood making firm wedding plans when the divorce as not been finalized.    







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:f9f7d6ca-2d40-48c7-8012-9658eb50cca0">Re: Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married... : Me neither. <strong>What is with the deluge of posts today from people who can't arrange their wedding day to be their actual, legal wedding day? It's not brain surgery...
    </strong>Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    right!???   I was JUST thinking... is "E" being punked, or WTF!?
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    Seriously... no judgment to anyone struggling through a long, drawn-out divorce.  It sucks.

    But why the big hurry to get re-married?  Why not just wait until the divorce is finalized to put that deposit down?

    But like Princess said, a lot of venues will transfer deposits.  Worth looking into.

    SaveSave
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    How can you have a wedding ceremony with your fiance when you're still married to someone else? It's legally and religiously impossible. Adultery is illegal. Will you just be going through the motions as though it's all real? What is the point? You might as well wait until it's real, no?
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:fcc04d20-5f70-4d2e-bc55-65a08ac5f289">Re:Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]How can you have a wedding ceremony with your fiance when you're still married to someone else? It's legally and religiously impossible.<strong> Adultery is illegal</strong>. Will you just be going through the motions as though it's all real? What is the point? You might as well wait until it's real, no?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    I think you mean bigamy.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    of course not.  getting married while you are already married is called bigamy.  pretending to get married while being divorced is lying.

    and you're really just inviting people to stand up when the officiant asks if they have any reason to object- umm, its called you're still married.
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    I have suggested several times that we postpone it. The courts say because of when I filed it should be finalize by the beginning of May. Which is what were hoping for. But the thing is i filed a couple weeks ago and I still havent gotten a hearing date yet. Im supposed to get one with in 30 to 60 days of filing.. they finalize it the day of the hearing but I know im pushing it. My venue says if we postpone there not sure how soon we could get another date but I also have a photographer and catering ton consider to.
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    To my mind, your options if it doesn't come through in time are postpone now, or postpone later.  I vote postpone now, since you're less likely to lose deposits and it's not as much of an inconvenience for all of your guests.

    You only filed a couple weeks ago?  So you planned all this without even filing?  This just seems completely inappropriate to me.  It shouldn't come as any shock to you that court things often take longer than expected.
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    You should really postpone. Wouldn't that be better than having this venue and photographer and catering for nothing?
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    You also need to check into other laws in your state. Like in oklahoma, if there are children, you cannot get married for 6 months after the divorce is final. So you wouldn't be able to get married in may even if the divorce was final now.
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    In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]You also need to check into other laws in your state. Like in oklahoma, if there are children, you cannot get married for 6 months after the divorce is final. So you wouldn't be able to get married in may even if the divorce was final now. Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    Thats the one thing we wont have to worry about..we dont have any children.

    I do know that the divorce has to be finalized after 30 days and before 90 days of filing. So none the less it should finalized by beginning of june. I had to wait to file due to financial reason and health reason. I was talking to this lady the other day and she said get a license from another state..but im said well that doesnt make it right...or can it be?
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    No even getting a license from another state would be bigamy you can not be married to two people at once. If the court can not delay anything past the begining of June push your wedding back a month but make sure there is no other waiting period like misshart said. Every state is different and it is not always because of children that they make you wait. 
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    In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...:How can you have a wedding ceremony with your fiance when you're still married to someone else? It's legally and religiously impossible. Adultery is illegal. Will you just be going through the motions as though it's all real? What is the point? You might as well wait until it's real, no?Posted by Simply FatedI think you mean bigamy. Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]
    Bigamy! Yes that's what I meant, sorry!



    My parents had a long divorce, too and it sucked! I definitely don't think getting married before the divorce is final will be beneficial lol.
    image
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    Is this a real question?
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    In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]Is this a real question? Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

    I wouldnt of asked or would be still commenting if it wasnt.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:166869b7-df40-457b-a34a-c261a85782d5">Re:Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...: Thats the one thing we wont have to worry about..we dont have any children. I do know that the divorce has to be finalized after 30 days and before 90 days of filing. So none the less it should finalized by beginning of june. I had to wait to file due to financial reason and health reason.<strong> I was talking to this lady the other day and she said get a license from another state..but im said well that doesnt make it right...or can it be?
    </strong>Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

    Please admit right now that you are a troll or fake poster.  Because honestly, I cannot even IMAGINE that you can be serious with this question.

    NO, it's not right. It's also not legal. And you can't get a license in one state and get married in another. 

    Good friggin grief

    POSTPONE YOUR WEDDING.
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    I honestly am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you had money and ability to put deposits down on venues, hire photographers, hire a caterer, etc., but your money and health reasons prevented you from filing for divorce.
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    I'm really trying/struggling to look at this objectively, and I really try to be objective. I am having trouble getting past filing for divorce a few weeks ago and that not having been done before any vendor was booked.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:124b2d83-7e6a-4e44-9e2b-a9a22b717ac6">Re: Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm really trying/struggling to look at this objectively, and I really try to be objective. I am having trouble getting past filing for divorce a few weeks ago and that not having been done before any vendor was booked.
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

    Right!??!   or anytime in the PAST THREE YEARS!?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:166869b7-df40-457b-a34a-c261a85782d5">Re:Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...: Thats the one thing we wont have to worry about..we dont have any children. I do know that the divorce has to be finalized after 30 days and before 90 days of filing. So none the less it should finalized by beginning of june. I had to wait to file due to financial reason and health reason. I was talking to this lady the other day and she said <strong>get a license from another state..but im said well that doesnt make it right...or can it be?</strong>
    Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I got divorced in Wisconsin and am getting remarried in Nevada. They still ask you for the date your divorce was finalized and stuff, so it wouldn't work. Plus, there may be other laws in effect. In Wisconsin you can't get remarried earlier than 6 months after your divorce is finalized, even in another state. Have you checked into your state to see if there's anything like that?</div>
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    edited March 2013
    In Response to Re:Getting married...:To my mind, your options if it doesn't come through in time are postpone now, or postpone later. nbsp;I vote postpone now, since you're less likely to lose deposits and it's not as much of an inconvenience for all of your guests.You only filed a couple weeks ago? nbsp;So you planned all this without even filing? nbsp;This just seems completely inappropriate to me. nbsp;It shouldn't come as any shock to you that court things often take longer than expected. Posted by STARMOON44 Ditto. Wow, this is the first time I've heard of this outside of a "my dad was married to two women with two families" story. Do your friends and family know you're not divorced? Also, in addition to questioning whether it would be ok to get a license in another state I.e. attempt to bypass the law and be married to two people simultaneously, your original question seemed to be: Can I have a big wedding ceremony with all the trimmings even though I'm married to someone else, but then just get a marriage certificate a while later when I'm no longer married? I guess you are able to do that. You could go around having fake wedding ceremonies and receptions to whomever you want....... BUT, it's truly awful and apalling on a number of levels You should just wait.
    "Always be kinder than you think is necessary, for you never know what personal battles people are fighting."
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    If you're more worried about losing deposits than being divorced before getting married, I say go for it.

     I don't think the etiquette reflection will be any different if they go through with it or not at this point.
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:61afb735-7d17-4b63-aaa5-c001f7ccec5a">Re: Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're more worried about losing deposits than being divorced before getting married, I say go for it. <strong> I don't think the etiquette reflection will be any different if they go through with it or not at this point.
    </strong>Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

    How so?  If she doesn't postpone, and goes through with this, she will be holding a completely fake wedding.  How is that not a difference in etiquette reflection?
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    Overall, at this point, it's just a snarky comment. I really can't tell if half the posts today are real or not.

    If it is real, and to my point: they pursued and planned a whole wedding without getting a divorce first. I think that's already in  such poor taste that it will be hard to recover from. OP also seems more concerned about losing deposits than it being a fake wedding which is further reflection in itself.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:7c825e41-f5f0-449e-9310-5f150e5252ed">Re:Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...: I think muppet's point was that the post we'd priorities and life views are so far out of whack she is beyond the help of etiquette. But I could be reading it wrong.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    That's exactly correct. You got my number.
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    Is anyone else thinking of the movie "Sweet Home Alabama", where she is signing the divorce papers in the aisle? 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:bc8347ec-9d75-4b74-876d-4421fe2130b5">Re: Getting married...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is anyone else thinking of the movie "Sweet Home Alabama", where she is signing the divorce papers in the aisle? 
    Posted by kerbohl[/QUOTE]

    <div>Uh, absolutely. Haha. I signed papers and was promised by a lawyer that it would be done in less than six months (we had literally nothing to argue over). But Dear, Sweet, Darling exH decided out of spite to hang on to the papers and drug it out to a YEAR AND A HALF. Apparently on TK I can't call you an idiot any more for just *hoping* that everything will be done, but best of luck to you, if this isn't MUD.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I haven't had my coffee yet. *grumbles and shuffles away*</div>
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