guest invite help!

Mule198513

so I'm hoping I don't get flamed for this I just want some honest opinions

FI and I are having a small DW, a second marriage for both of us.  It will be very small, 27 people including us. One of our good friends recently ended her relationship with her fiance and has started seeing someone for about a month.  She obviously wants to bring him as her date.  Now I realize etiquette dictates adults get invited with a guest but the problem is this is a very very small wedding and we wanted to know and be very close to everyone attending.  If this was a 100+ wedding I can understand inviting him but FI and I just dont feel comfortable inviting a stranger when we basically cut out all of our extended family from the list.  I however feel guilty, I want my friend to be happy, and she will be traveling for our wedding so it seems wrong to not let her bring a date if she wants to, but it just goes against everything we wanted for this wedding and the last thing we want to do is have  stranger there.  what to do?

mlg78

If it's a DW she is likely paying hundreds of dollars to he there and you won't let her bring a date? You were fine with her bringing her fiance so for you to turn her down is crap. Don't do it...

Mule198513

that is exactly my dilema. Her FI we've known for years and fel comfortable with but regardless is just seems wrong to say no.

mlg78

It's very wrong. You know it's wrong but you're trying to find someone to say, "oh no, you don't have to invite him!" You won't find that here.

Mule198513

i assumed that what most people would say. its like I said what makes it difficut is how small the wedding will be (with a larger wedding it woulnt be a consideration)  and how many people basically wont be invited that assumed they would be. I feel worse knowing i will likely have someone there I dont know vs family who we do.  FI rents are already hurt that we arent inviting his aunts/uncles/cousins....and here would be a random person no one knows

coopsbaby

We are having 14 guests total at our wedding. I have not met 4 of those people, but they are certainly invited. I would not travel to a wedding without my fi, and our guests shouldn't have to either. 

I totally get where you're coming from don't get me wrong. I really wish I could have only people I'm super close to there. But my fi's friends (the groomsmen) live on the other side of the country so I have not met any of their so's. Heck, my fi hasn't met two of the people coming either, and I've never even met the best man! But it's really the right thing to do. 

And anyone who is all butthurt about not getting invited will just have to get over it. My mom is annoyed that there will be people I don't know there and her siblings are not invited. She can get over it because I will not be rude to my fi's very best friends.

Mule198513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invite-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeb6f143-d54e-4de4-874c-b2fc7749ec18Post:cd84b6a7-8807-4df3-a555-875f6bc9b029">Re: guest invite help!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having 14 guests total at our wedding. I have not met 4 of those people, but they are certainly invited. I would not travel to a wedding without my fi, and our guests shouldn't have to either.  I totally get where you're coming from don't get me wrong. I really wish I could have only people I'm super close to there. But my fi's friends (the groomsmen) live on the other side of the country so I have not met any of their so's. Heck, my fi hasn't met two of the people coming either, and I've never even met the best man! But it's really the right thing to do.  And anyone who is all butthurt about not getting invited will just have to get over it. My mom is annoyed that there will be people I don't know there and her siblings are not invited. She can get over it because I will not be rude to my fi's very best friends.
Posted by coopsbaby[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>so I totally get that, and if she was engaged it would be another thing completely but shes only been seeing this person for a month. The people that you dont know are people your FI is very close with.  This would just be that persons date...is your best man bringing a date?  
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coopsbaby

Two of the gm are bringing dates. Like one seriously isn't sure which girl he's bringing yet, he's a total player and it will be whoever is his fling of the week. (Ick!) And no, fi hasn't met either of the dates. So we will have two people there out of 14 that neither of us have ever met. I've adapted to the thought at this point!

Really, I do get how you feel and totally sympathise. I was really hoping they would rsvp no so we wouldn't have people we don't know there, but the gm are my fi's very best friends and we want them to be happy. And in the end I highly doubt I will even notice or care if some "random" people are there.

Mule198513

thanks ladies!

its a tough spot i'll have to talk with my man

fuerst37

I'd invite him. It will probably mean more to her to be allowed to bring him than it would mean to you for one more person to attend.

STARMOON44

It's not actually a tough spot at all inviting her, especially to a DW, without her SO is rude. If it matters to you that you know everyone there, get to know him.

AddieCake

I don't understand this obsession with needing to know everybody there. I had several guests that I had never met before. Several of my work friends have husbands and wives I met for the first time at our wedding. I didn't think of them as <gasp!> strangers. It's not that big of a deal. Like CMGr said, this part isn't about you. It's about having your dear friend with you, and sometimes that's a package deal. 

misssunshine17

I suggest you think long and hard about your friendship with her because if you don't allow her to bring her boyfriend after she's spent hundreds of dollars on your wedding, I would not be friends with you if you did that to me.

SKPM

In Response to Re:guest invite help!:[QUOTE]It's not actually a tough spot at all inviting her, especially to a DW, without her SO is rude. If it matters to you that you know everyone there, get to know him. Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]
All of this. If she's a close enough friend to be invited to your small DW, then why not try to meet up with the two of them [if proximity allows] so he's not a total stranger? Otherwise, ditto PPs. The reception is for the guests so it is appropriate to put their comfort first [and obviously you wouldn't invite him to the reception only].

nikole712

You definitely should invite him. I would not go to a DW alone.

MsYeck

She is a friend and you want her to remain one right? Then invite the SO. By the RSVP date they may or to still be together, so it may end up will bent just her anyway. Or maybe he won't be able to afford he trip. Just invite him, between the cost and it sing a new relationship there is a fifty fit chance he won't make it anyway. Not worth hurt feelings or ending a friendship over.

aurianna

You don't need to know everyone there. You won't be doing trust exercises or sharing all your deep, dark, secrets. People don't have to know you to be able to see you walk down the aisle.

You won't be tied to hip to this guy and forced to talk to him hours on end. Rather, your friend will have someone to talk to all night. She'll have someone to slow dance with. She'll have someone to sit next to on the plane and split the price of a hotel room with.

And you've mentioned her fiance several times. This girl thought she was going to be with someone for the rest of her life, and for whatever reason, that changed and probably shifted her whole world. I can't speak for her, but I know I might have a hard time at a wedding after that sort of thing, and something that would help, is having a new love there.

You care about her enough to invite her to your wedding.
She cares about you enough to spend a lot of time and money to go to it.
You love this person, so let her bring a date.

saric83

Let her bring him!

We had a DW with 40 people, and we had four friends bring guests that we hadn't met yet.  And even though some of them are no longer dating our friends, I wouldn't have changed it at all because it made the trip more fun and comfortable for our friends. 

If I were her and you told me I couldn't bring a guest, I honestly would reconsider going at all because I wouldn't want to travel by myself. 

rach1200

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invite-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeb6f143-d54e-4de4-874c-b2fc7749ec18Post:4e0c8059-394c-4e16-981d-c7d955810d87">guest invite help!</a>:
[QUOTE]so I'm hoping I don't get flamed for this I just want some honest opinions FI and I are having a small DW, a second marriage for both of us.  It will be very small, 27 people including us. One of our good friends recently ended her relationship with her fiance and has started seeing someone for about a month.  She obviously wants to bring him as her date.  Now I realize etiquette dictates adults get invited with a guest but the problem is this is a very very small wedding and we wanted to know and be very close to everyone attending.  If this was a 100+ wedding I can understand inviting him but FI and I just dont feel comfortable inviting a stranger when we basically cut out all of our extended family from the list.  I however feel guilty, I want my friend to be happy, and she will be traveling for our wedding so it seems wrong to not let her bring a date if she wants to, but it just goes against everything we wanted for this wedding and the last thing we want to do is have  stranger there.  what to do?<div>
</div><div>You want her to come you invite him, there is no debate there.  Its the right thing to do.</div><div>
</div><div>I have to ask- she just recently broke up with her fiance and you want her to attend a wedding by herself?  Put yourself in your friend's position and imagine how you would feel.   If my fiance and I broke up recently it would be almost physically painful to attend a wedding.   I would want to cry the whole time.  She obviously cares a great deal about you both if she is not only coming after a recent engagement breakup but also taking on the expense and time of travel.  Be the kind of person and friend you would want if the situation was reversed.

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rach1200

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invite-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeb6f143-d54e-4de4-874c-b2fc7749ec18Post:4e0c8059-394c-4e16-981d-c7d955810d87">guest invite help!</a>:
[QUOTE]so I'm hoping I don't get flamed for this I just want some honest opinions FI and I are having a small DW, a second marriage for both of us.  It will be very small, 27 people including us. One of our good friends recently ended her relationship with her fiance and has started seeing someone for about a month.  She obviously wants to bring him as her date.  Now I realize etiquette dictates adults get invited with a guest but the problem is this is a very very small wedding and we wanted to know and be very close to everyone attending.  If this was a 100+ wedding I can understand inviting him but FI and I just dont feel comfortable inviting a stranger when we basically cut out all of our extended family from the list.  I however feel guilty, I want my friend to be happy, and she will be traveling for our wedding so it seems wrong to not let her bring a date if she wants to, but it just goes against everything we wanted for this wedding and the last thing we want to do is have  stranger there.  what to do?<div>
</div><div>You want her to come you invite him, there is no debate there.  Its the right thing to do.</div><div>
</div><div>I have to ask- she just recently broke up with her fiance and you want her to attend a wedding by herself?  Put yourself in your friend's position and imagine how you would feel.   If my fiance and I broke up recently it would be almost physically painful to attend a wedding.   I would want to cry the whole time.  She obviously cares a great deal about you both if she is not only coming after a recent engagement breakup but also taking on the expense and time of travel.  Be the kind of person and friend you would want if the situation was reversed.

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Ella and Pedro

the nature of this kind of weddiing - that your aunts, cousins, uncles, etc. are not invited - means you were already disappointing them before this situation even began.  I agree with the above comments but want to add that I think the biggest part of your dilemma is what family will think or say about your guest list.  that, unfortunately, is inevitable, with your type of wedding.  you are worried they willl be *MORE* offended or sad, because of him?  I doubt they would know his status in her life if you did not tell them.  I would just say, she is my best friend of x years, and that is her significant other.  If they knew her previous SO (the fiance) and say what about Bob or Rich or Juan, I would say, I dont feel she would want me to discuss her personal business, I hope you understand I am respecting her privacy.....IF that came up which I doubt