Do I have to invite an unexpected shower gifter to the wedding?

amyweiher

I'm getting ready to send out my invitations and am not planning to invite some of the cousins I'm not close with (as in haven't seen them in 20 years because they live across the country). Here's my problem. One of the cousins I am close to was invited to the bridal shower next week and, mistakenly assuming everyone else was invited, asked another cousin to go in with her on a gift, and she agreed. Am I now obligated to invite the other cousin to the wedding, or can I just send her a nice thank you note for the gift?

I don't know that my cousin would come to the wedding even if invited since she would have to travel and is broke, but it wouldn't surprise me if she found a way to come—and she would cause a huge disturbance and drive me crazy if she was there. 

Kate61487

I'm gonna say no, you don't need to invite her.  I'm sure she realized when the cousin who IS invited asked her to pitch in for a shower gift that she had not received an invitation to said shower.  You're not obligated to send an invitation just b/c someone gave you an unprompted (by you) gift.

That said, if you have the space and you don't think it will cause drama among any other not-invited cousins go ahead and include her to keep the peace.

Jager1219

OP - the cousin that isn't invited to the wedding (call her cousin #1), did I read your post correctly that she also wasn't invited to the shower?  That cousin #2 who WAS invited to the shower asked cousin #1 to split the gift?

If so, My question for you is how did this all get back to you?  Didn't cousin #1 say "what shower"?

FWIW - I have some distant relative (I've never met this person and had no clue she even existed) sent me these cutsy Mr. & Mrs. hand towels.  I guess she got my address from my grandma.  She's not invited to the wedding.  I wrote her a thank you note that said "thank you for the gift" (I didn't want to call it a wedding gift since she's not invited the wedding).

mlg78

I have no response simply because I'm WAY TOO CONFUSED!

That is all.

amyweiher

It's a confusing situation.  

I invited "Jane" to the shower and will invite her to the wedding. "Sara" was not invited to the shower, nor do I want to invite her to the wedding. Sara will be getting me a shower gift because Jane mentioned it, so I'm not sure if I need to invite her to the wedding because of that gift. Sounds like I don't need to since I never invited her to the shower. 

hoffse

OP, FI and I are those people who gives wedding gifts to all our friends and family we stay in touch with, whether we are invited to their weddings or not.  We do this having no expectation of being invited to the wedding - it's just something we enjoy doing to let our friends and family know we are excited for them.  

I know it's a little more awkward because it's a family member, but I think you should accept the gift for what it is - a gift - and not feel obligated to "reciprocate" in some way by inviting her.

NYCMercedes

We received and have given wedding gifts without invitations. Some people just want to give gifts. Invitations are not calls for gifts, anyway. I assume Jane and Sara are not sisters?

Loopyseven

If "Sara" was never invited to the shower, you have no obilgation to invite her to the wedding either.  

TheBaysideBride

I don't think you have to invite her. a good friend and his boyfriend brought FI and i a pretty awesome engagement present to our christmas party, but they still didn't make the cut. I think they were just being generous, and I appreciated it adn send a nice note.
If they get engaged, I'll certainly reciprocate. I also do give engagement presents w/o expecting (or wanting) to go to the wedding. it's somethign to celebrate!