Groom's parents friends invited?

[Deleted User]

I am working on the guest list for my wedding.  For budget and space limitations of our venue we are trying to keep the guest list right at 150.  We are at about 140 with just family, wedding party and 5 close friends each of the bride and groom.  My mom understands that they only people we ",must invite" is family, but my groom's mom is insisting that we invite friends of their family from work and church, about 27 people total extra. 
I feel that this is unfair to ask since my parents and I are paying for the wedding and I am only inviting a minimal amount of my friends.  How do I tactfully tell her that we can't invite these people? Ideas, suggestions or alternatives appreciated!

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-parents-friends-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1de6e2-0074-408f-9cf1-e041ca7bdd43Post:860fbb33-2ce9-43e3-87b4-f917c5028162">Groom's parents friends invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am working on the guest list for my wedding.  For budget and space limitations of our venue we are trying to keep the guest list right at 150.  We are at about 140 with just family, wedding party and 5 close friends each of the bride and groom.  My mom understands that they only people we ",must invite" is family, but my groom's mom is insisting that we invite friends of their family from work and church, about 27 people total extra.  I feel that this is unfair to ask since my parents and I are paying for the wedding and I am only inviting a minimal amount of my friends.  How do I tactfully tell her that we can't invite these people? Ideas, suggestions or alternatives appreciated!
Posted by allison1117[/QUOTE]

Perhaps a compromise is in order?  You might not have room for 27, but could you make room on the list for 5-10 of their closest friends from that group?

mwhitson14

Ditto pink, FI's parents asked for a few invites for her work friends and church friends, and in the end (since they didn't contribute anything) I limited them to like 5 people. And that may sound harsh, but neither FI, my parents, nor I invited any work people, and the only church people is the officiant and his family. So I just didn't see the need to extend an invite to people who don't even know FI and I, and I don't particularly want them there.

therickson

are the lists fairly even? In our case I have a huge family and FI has 8 people in his whole family (including extended)... Can you ask her for a smaller number like PP suggested? 

SteveandKris

If it is a budget issue, you might suggest that FI speak to her - give the budget excuse and tell her that if she wants these people present, she needs to front the bill. 

If it is a venue-space issue, cite the fire code, capcity restrictions, etc. 

banana468

I think your FI (not you) needs to tell her that the budget and space only allow for X much.  If you can say that she's able to invite a half dozen or so couples that would be great but if you can't, your FI need to tell her that and she needs to respect that.

However if she volunteers to pay for them, take her up on her offer unless she's the type to say one thing and then do another. 

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all the responses. I think I will have my fiance talk to her and let her know that she can invite 5-10 of the family friends she wanted to come.  And offer the suggestion that they coul d help contribute financially if they wanted everyone to come!

cellarius

i would just tell them that you're already limiting the list with just family so sorry but it's not happening. really that's all you rhave to say. if they want to pay the entire cost of inviting 27 extra people [i highly doubt they will want to do this] then sure but they aren't. we're inviting 2 family friends [ of the grooms side] but that's because they're like family.  not every person  they know from church, work  neighborhood etc.

mags0607

My mom is of the mind that she must invite everyone she has ever met. She is footing the bill, so my FI and I are letting her go. My only stipulation was that I had to know them, and they had to know me well enough to know who the invitation was from without her name attached ( ie: STD). I feel bad though, as the sides are completely uneven. I have a huge family, plus my mom has a ton of like-family friends, and Fi has a much smaller list.

As for your situation, let Fi take the lead with this one, but make sure you are both on the same page. I suggest letting her have a couple friends, but if she wants 27, then she should offer to contribute financially.

Catwoman708

You or FI simply tell them "I'm sorry, we don't have room left to invite any more guests."  Or "I'm sorry, we only have XX number of availble seats left in the venue. If you want to invite more than that, you'll have to cut some of your guests/family."

Maybe suggest just inviting one or two other couples/ best freinds, and point out that if they won't know anyone else at the wedding, they are not likely to have much fun.  And that the FILs will be busy with photos and with family, so they won't have much time for socializing or hand-holding other people who don't know anyone.