gift suggestions for cousins - please help!

modegirl79

Hello,

I am attending two weddings this summer, one is my cousin's, and the other is my cousin-in-law's.  Due to unavoidable scheduling conflicts, I will not be able to attend the respective bridal showers.  What is an appropriate gift in these cases?  I am not particularly close with either bride, but nonetheless, they are family.  I am considering gift cards for both, but I can't settle on the amount.  I feel like $25 is too little and $50 may be too much.  Also, is it appropriate to send a shower gift in the mail or should I include with the wedding gift?  Your thoughts would be appreciated!

The other dilemma I have is what to give for the weddings.  One wedding is in NJ, where I live, and my husband and I have typically given $200, sometimes more, even for non-family weddings, to make sure our plates are covered.  Once we got married, we realized that we have given VERY generous gifts!  The other wedding is out of state.  Between hotel (2 nights), gas and meals, the trip will cost us about $350-$400.  I know it's horrible of me, but I looked up prices at the wedding venue, and entrees are only about $30 tops, per person.  I am probably being much too analytical about this, but we've got other expenses to consider and aren't made of money!  Right now, I am thinking $200 for the NJ wedding and $150 for the out-of-stater...but is that fair?

Thank you in advance for your advice/opinions!

-Modegirl

Jessa617

Your first question- Do your cousin have registries? Most registries you can order online and it will ship directly to their house. If they don't have registries you can send a check. I personally stick with $25 as a general rule of thumb. If you are not attending the showers (and they do not have registries) but you ARE attending the wedding, you can just bring a card with a check to the wedding.

Second question- again, I usually go by the $25 per person rule, so if I attended by myself I'd give $25 ad if Iwent as a couple I'd give $50. So $150 is very generos (IMO).  Of course I don't have a lot of fund to begin with so I just give what I can afford.

The bottom line is: give what you are comfortable with.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-suggestions-for-cousins-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:afb765f9-2291-4704-a65e-e535c83ddab4Post:565349bf-ded1-4eed-b6cc-4e02a9fe84e5">gift suggestions for cousins - please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, I am attending two weddings this summer, one is my cousin's, and the other is my cousin-in-law's.  Due to unavoidable scheduling conflicts, I will not be able to attend the respective bridal showers.  What is an appropriate gift in these cases?  I am not particularly close with either bride, but nonetheless, they are family.  I am considering gift cards for both, but I can't settle on the amount.  I feel like $25 is too little and $50 may be too much.  Also, is it appropriate to send a shower gift in the mail or should I include with the wedding gift?  Your thoughts would be appreciated! The other dilemma I have is what to give for the weddings.  One wedding is in NJ, where I live, and my husband and I have typically given $200, sometimes more, even for non-family weddings, to make sure our plates are covered.  Once we got married, we realized that we have given VERY generous gifts!  The other wedding is out of state.  Between hotel (2 nights), gas and meals, the trip will cost us about $350-$400.  I know it's horrible of me, but I looked up prices at the wedding venue, and entrees are only about $30 tops, per person.  I am probably being much too analytical about this, but we've got other expenses to consider and aren't made of money!  Right now, I am thinking $200 for the NJ wedding and $150 for the out-of-stater...but is that fair? Thank you in advance for your advice/opinions! -Modegirl
Posted by modegirl79[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You do not need to send a shower gift if you're not going to the shower, although it's nice to do so.  I would pick something in the $20-40 range from the registry (or something more expensive that is on sale).  You could also do a $25 gift card with a kitchen gadget. </div><div>
</div><div>Don't follow the "cover your plate" rule.  Give what you can afford and base it on how close you are with the couple.  

</div>

Kate61487

I would purchase off the registry if they have them for both showers.  Whatever dollar amount you're comfortable with is fine.  My go-to gift budget is generally $50 but that's me and my finances - do what works for you and yours.  If they don't have registries / you don't want to pay shipping I think a gift card or cash is fine.  I'd send it now / around the shower time and mention in the card that it is for the shower.  Otherwise the brides may assume it's for the wedding.

For the wedding gift; again it's whatever you can comfortably give.  The "cover your plate" rule isn't a real thing.  My go-to wedding gift budget is $100 but again that's me.  We received wedding gifts from $20 to $1000.  The B&G will appreciate whatever you're comfortable giving.  Also I'd be really surprised if the cousins compared gifts received so you don't really have to worry about being "fair".  Are you thinking less for the one because their venue is cheaper (which is a pretty schitty reason, IMO) or because you have greater expenses to attend theirs?  You're free to give whatever I just wouldn't do it *because* the venue is cheaper.

J+A 2013

The cover your plate rule is not really a good one to follow.  Just give what you can afford - that's really the best guideline to follow.  Our per person cost for the meal is only about half of the total price per person at the reception because of the drink package, tax, and gratuity.  (ETA: that's just to prove the point that looking at the meal price and trying to cover your plate likely isn't even accurate. Also I really hate the idea that someone would be looking at my venue to find out how much I spent on my reception.  That's kind of rude.)

To make it easier on myself, I have a set amount I spend on gifts for showers and then we have an amount we give for weddings based on their relationship to us - friends, cousins, siblings.  We are getting married in the fall, and I don't plan on changing our gift amounts after our wedding based on what anyone else gives us - that would make me feel really uncomfortable (i.e. Cousin Suzie gave me $500, so she gets more when she gets married than Cousin Steve who only gave $50).  The fact that what you give is generous compared to what you got really doesn't matter, IMO.  

We also don't factor in travel/hotel costs when going to a wedding, but that's just what we do. However, people do understand that out of town weddings cost guests money, so it's definitely okay to give a smaller gift if you have high travel expenses.  

I'd get something off the registry for the showers rather than a gift card.  If you DO go with the gift card, send it around the time of the shower, and don't include it with the wedding gift.  Really, if they aren't registered, I'd probably say a gift card isn't a great idea and just add that cost to the wedding gift.

Knottie_22382494

I have a set price that I usually give and I do adjust it based on relationship as well as day of the wedding (i.e. I will usually give more for a Saturday night wedding then a Sunday wedding as I personally like to ensure I try to cover the costs that were paid for my attendance).

I agree with J+A and also do not factor in travel costs when attending an out of town wedding in the couple's hometown.

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-suggestions-for-cousins-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:afb765f9-2291-4704-a65e-e535c83ddab4Post:565349bf-ded1-4eed-b6cc-4e02a9fe84e5">gift suggestions for cousins - please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, I am attending two weddings this summer, one is my cousin's, and the other is my cousin-in-law's.  Due to unavoidable scheduling conflicts, I will not be able to attend the respective bridal showers.  What is an appropriate gift in these cases?  I am not particularly close with either bride, but nonetheless, they are family.  I am considering gift cards for both, but I can't settle on the amount.  I feel like $25 is too little and $50 may be too much.  Also, is it appropriate to send a shower gift in the mail or should I include with the wedding gift?  Your thoughts would be appreciated! The other dilemma I have is what to give for the weddings.  One wedding is in NJ, where I live, and my husband and I have typically given $200, sometimes more, even for non-family weddings, to make sure our plates are covered.  Once we got married, we realized that we have given VERY generous gifts!  The other wedding is out of state.  Between hotel (2 nights), gas and meals, the trip will cost us about $350-$400.  I know it's horrible of me, but I looked up prices at the wedding venue, and entrees are only about $30 tops, per person.  I am probably being much too analytical about this, but we've got other expenses to consider and aren't made of money!  Right now, I am thinking $200 for the NJ wedding and $150 for the out-of-stater...but is that fair? Thank you in advance for your advice/opinions! -Modegirl
Posted by modegirl79[/QUOTE]

<div>If you are so inclined (as you don't HAVE to buy a shower gift if you're not attending) I'd buy something from their registry and have it shipped to their house around the time of the shower.</div><div>As for wedding gifts, don't cover your plate.  Give what you can afford at the time based on your budget and how close you are to the couple.  It wouldn't have occurred to me to give less because of travel expenses associated with attending an out of town wedding.  I also realized H and I are quite generous when it comes to wedding gifts after our wedding, but we don't plan to change anything up due to that.</div>