Baby/Babies at Reception

choagie42

Let me preface this by saying that I am one of those women who was born without the maternal gene, and that the sound of babies crying sort of makes me want to claw my ears out.

My fiance and I have been open about the fact that our small-ish (less than 100) wedding is adults only, though this is definitely for my benifit as he generally doesn't mind kids.  We just received a call this morning from his brother stating they are expecting a child in April, and our wedding is in September.  Apparently the conversation ended by his brother stating "so you'll need to adress the wedding invitation to mom, dad, and baby."  There's also the added wrinkle that we live in ohio (where the wedding will be) and his brother is in Florida, so they will be traveling far to attend the wedding.  What are my options here?  I'd love to hold to my "no kids policy," but didn't know if that was some major breach of ettiquete.  I'd truly appreciate any guidance at all!!!

As a side note, my mother works in child care, and we could possibly provide someone certified to care for infants for not too much trouble.

wrigleyville

Is his brother in the wedding party? The WP is generally an exception to the "no kids" rule, especially if they are traveling to attend the wedding.

Additionally, since his brother is immediate family, that's usually another exception to the "no kids" rule, depending on how badly you want siblings to attend.

Just be prepared for other parents to give you the evil eye when they realize Baby Nephew came but their precious snowflake was not invited.

wrigleyville

What a surprise. TK is eating posts...

banana468

You have a few options:
1) Make the exeption for just immediate family.    There's a decent chance that at 5 mo, the baby will not be much of an issue and you can certainly say that you only made an exception for your siblings.

2) Hold your ground.   They may react by going for a sitter that you choose (fairly unlikely), one of them may not attend or they could turn it into a huge issue.

You're more than OK to go with either.    You cannot force people to use the childcare that you pick and they can't force you to welcome the baby.   However if this turns into a huge issue, it's often easiest to go with the path of least resistance.

ThankfulSnail

We are only having WP kids and the daughters of my cousin who is coming from MD at the wedding. Other people have been understanding. It's nice to let someone who comes from OOT bring their kids, since it's hard to find someone to watch baby while you're out of state and harder still to find a babysitter you know and trust in the even state. I understand that your mom could find childcare, but I wouldn't be comfortable traveling out of state and leaving my 5 month old infant with someone I've never met, and I don't think a lot of other people would be comfortable with it either. I get not wanting kids at the wedding, but if it were my FBIL, I would let them bring the baby.

That being said, you don't have to accommodate kids, however, be prepared that they may not come if they can't bring the baby.

bridalmarch

By five months they may be ready to leave baby and have a nice night out on their own. Our daughter was born in early July and we left her for the first time overnight for a Christmas party and had a blast. 

If they aren't ready, I'd let them bring him. You aren't responsible for the child and it'll likely be so loud anyway that the crying won't bug you as much. Because of our daughter, we're inviting kids to the reception but my sister and FI's sister have both already told me they're getting a sitter that night. 

Summer2011Bride

You don't have to make an exception, but I don't think anyone would side-eye this case if ou did.

You can let them know you will have a local sitter available, but many people aren't willing to leave kids with strangers, especially so young. Having said that, you are under no obligation to make an exception; just be prepared for them to not want to come. If you're OK with a possible decline, and you want to stick to no kids, you are within etiquette to say no to the baby.

lyndausvi

I'm of the thinking that immediate family (siblings, nieces/nephews) can be exceptions to the rule.  I feel like they themselves can warrant an invitation on their own because of the family relationship.     

I, myself, had only my nieces and nephews at the wedding.  I didn't care what others thought.  They are my family and I have every right to invite them.

Anyway, are there any other nieces/nephews being excluded?  That would be my deciding point.   

If this is the only grandchild and with them being OOT, I would let them bring the child. I just don't think it's a hill worth dying on.

However, if inviting this child mean you have to invite a few more nieces/nephews then I don't think it's worth inviting the baby.

mrskristinyc

If his brother lives in a different state than the rest of the family, chances are there will be a lot of guests at your wedding that won't have met the baby yet at that point. They'll want to. 

I know you don't like kids, but it would be a really nice gesture to your new family to allow this child to be there.

My family is spread out all over the country, and my mom/Grandma haven't seen my 8 year old niece since she was 3. They're REALLY excited that they'll get to see her at my wedding. I'm having kids at the wedding anyway, but I can't imagine depriving my family of something like that. You'll be pretty busy that day, and there will be plenty of family members around to watch the baby.

[Deleted User]

If your SIL is breastfeeding, she may not be able to be away for a long period of time.  Since they are immediate family and traveling you may need to make an exception for them.  

shannie11

I know how you feel.  My reception is also adult only with the exception of my nieces who are in the wedding.  I had to tell FIs mom multiple times that our reception is ADULT only.  She was like well so and so want to bring their child and they are flying in from out of town.  You send out save the dates months before.  People have plenty of time to make arrangements.  However, this is his brother.  He is the one that needs to make the decision.  As long as the baby isn't the "center" of attention and passed all around ( heck it might even sleep the whole time!) I would just let it go.

lily_721

Let me preface with I invited children.  We drew the line at the children of first cousins only (in DH's family, we consider first cousins to be our immediate family of 50+ people ).  I had a room prepared for the children at the reception site.  We also offered a baby sitter.  I had kid-friendly food and kid-friendly favors.  Honestly I loved seeing how much fun the children had.  We also had two babies.  They were fine -- slept the whole time.  The two-year olds had a nanny and she took them away at some point (parents' decision). 

You will get the side-eye no matter what you decide.  I had all the children of first cousins (15 kids) and I still had additional children requests.  Make your decision and stick to it as in immediate family can bring baby/child and others cannot.

MrsGandthebeag

We had an adult only wedding/reception so I totally understand.  In this case though where he is flying from out of state, and is immediate family, I'd let him bring the kid.  You don't have to though if you and your FI decide not to.  

loca4pook

I think you should make an exception as he is in your wedding party. He is your in-law and is traveling out of state with a newborn..It also may be the first opportunity for your fiance to see his nephew/niece following their birth..I think it is selfish to decline that, IMO....What if the mom is breastfeeding, as well......She can't really leave the kid in another state.....Overall, I am sure your in-laws family will also want to see the baby.and you don't allow it, you will probably create a family drama and/or risk people leaving your wedding early to go see the baby if it's the only time the baby is in town stranded at a hotel...

You also don't want to create your fiance to possibly have his brother back out of the wedding. This might be the time to compromise your beliefs for the sake of your husband...The baby is tiny and probably won't create too much chaos..You won;t even notice him/her most likely as you will be soo busy

Kristin789

Well, he lives in FLORIDA and what's common here is that people DO bring their kids to the reception venue, and then DROP THEM OFF in the KIDS ROOM, which is staffed by real elementary school teachers and nannies.  The kids are provided age-appropriate games and kid food (bottles provided by parents for babies - or the mother goes in there to breastfeed, and chicken strips and fries for other kids).  There is much crying when the parents go to pick them up to go home, because the kids LOVE these KIDS ROOMS.  So your FI's brother is assuming that weddings in your region will be like all the weddings he goes to here in Florida.

nextrightthing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babybabies-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b08eee15-7c1e-48f7-8145-2c0fe3a22126Post:a59b1e38-5e6d-4213-bcb8-4af7730b93bd">Re: Baby/Babies at Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, he lives in FLORIDA and what's common here is that people DO bring their kids to the reception venue, and then DROP THEM OFF in the KIDS ROOM, which is staffed by real elementary school teachers and nannies.  The kids are provided age-appropriate games and kid food (bottles provided by parents for babies - or the mother goes in there to breastfeed, and chicken strips and fries for other kids).  There is much crying when the parents go to pick them up to go home, because the kids LOVE these KIDS ROOMS.  So your FI's brother is assuming that weddings in your region will be like all the weddings he goes to here in Florida.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Woah there.

PrimRoseMama

I would ask the person who works in child care how they feel about providing the service at your wedding. That is their job, and they may want to enjoy your wedding versus work. Just a thought. If you don't want babies or small children at your wedding then that is your choice. You need to be up front about that though. With your preference for a child free wedding there may be people who cannot attend. My personal opinion [and I have a baby mind you] is that if baby is not included on the invite then you get a sitter that day. Period. I had children at my wedding but that is because I don't mind them and knew that unless I included them that my guest list would be even smaller than it already was. We had 50 people total. I see nothing wrong with an adults only wedding plus reception, but don't get butthurt if people can't or choose not to attend because they can't being their kid.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babybabies-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b08eee15-7c1e-48f7-8145-2c0fe3a22126Post:17031a56-e7b4-466d-9e48-8c53c4f24dcf">Re: Baby/Babies at Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]If your SIL is breastfeeding, she may not be able to be away for a long period of time.  Since they are immediate family and traveling you may need to make an exception for them.  
Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]

She doesn't HAVE to.   It's certainly nice to do so as the child is the child of an immediate family member but no one ever HAS to make an exception for a child.   The hosts just need to understand that people may decline the invitation as a result.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babybabies-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b08eee15-7c1e-48f7-8145-2c0fe3a22126Post:a59b1e38-5e6d-4213-bcb8-4af7730b93bd">Re: Baby/Babies at Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, he lives in FLORIDA and what's common here is that people DO bring their kids to the reception venue, and then DROP THEM OFF in the KIDS ROOM, which is staffed by real elementary school teachers and nannies.  The kids are provided age-appropriate games and kid food (bottles provided by parents for babies - or the mother goes in there to breastfeed, and chicken strips and fries for other kids).  There is much crying when the parents go to pick them up to go home, because the kids LOVE these KIDS ROOMS.  So your FI's brother is assuming that weddings in your region will be like all the weddings he goes to here in Florida.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm in awe how Kristen is an authority of everything FLORIDIAN.  Who knew with all the transplants  living in Florida they would all have the same traditions?</div><div>
</div><div>::rolls eyes::</div><div>
</div><div>I'm fairly certain a 5 month old not going to be crying wanting to stay in a kids room.</div>