Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal party question

Morning ladies!

I have 6 girls in my bridal party (1 MOH, 5 BMs).  Up until now, there has been zero drama with them. Zilch, none.  They've all been super supportive, great sounding boards, totally there for me and super flexible (some things about the wedding got changed, and they've just rolled with it).

 As of this week, however, I've noticed a lot of tension and potential sources of drama, and I'm wondering if I should say anything.  I'd love some advice!

Situtation #1: hotel the night before and night of the wedding. I sent out an email letting everyone in the wedding know about the hotel arrangments (price, location, etc).  They don't have to stay at the hotel we booked,  whoever doesn't stay that wants their hair and makeup done just needs to be at the hotel to get done at 9am.  If they don't want anything done, I asked them to be there by 11am (two girls in my party run horribly late, so I made the time 30 minutes early to make sure they are there by 11:30am).  Instant grumbling about "an early morning" and :too much work".  It's a 2pm wedding, they know we're getting all pics done before the ceremony, and it's a 25 minute drive to the site.  I need buffer time.  Do I just tell them to deal? I need them in the photos, and I really didn't think that 11am-11:30am was all that early.  Am I crazy?

Situation #2: my shower.  My MOH had asked me for dates that worked for me and FI, and I gave them to her before Christmas.  I can have to work a weekend at a moment's notice, everyone knows about my job.  I just asked my MOH to let me know the date and time so I can tell my boss I can't be available on a certain date, so he can arrange for back up.  She gave me the date that worked best for everyone, and all other details are a suprise.  I get a text last night from a BM saying that it's been scheduled on another date than the one my MOH gave me.  I texted her to confirm, and my MOH to double check.  My MOH was super angry when she called (not at me) because the date that my BM texted was actually for my bacherlorette party, and she basically ruined the suprise.  Do I say anything? My MOH is non confrontational by nature, and would never say anything to me or to any of the other BMs.  What should I do?  This BM has been end running my MOH on other details, and I'm sensing a drama fest on the horizon.  Is this something I should address?

Situation #3: made up crap.  I literally told my bridal party "pick a black dress, silver shoes, and please be on time. That's all I ask." They've all got their dresses, some are deciding on shoes, but I've been pretty easy going about what I asked them to wear.  I told them I don't care if their hair is up, down, blue, brown, pink, shaved off, etc.  I don't care about nail color, pedicure color, etc.  I've got 3 girls coming from out of town, so I can't get a time nailed down to do a group mani/pedi session.  They can do whatever they'd like.  I thought they all understood this....until I was on facebook last night and saw 3 of them posting that they "have to grow out their hair" cause I told them I want their hair up, or that they need gel tips for a french manicure because I told them that's what I wanted, or that I want them to get spray tanned.  Nothing could be further from the truth, so I was a little peeved (ok, I yelled at the computer screen).  Do I call BS on them? Or do I let it go?

I was really upset mostly because I thought I was easy going, and I don't like getting made out to be a potential bridezilla when I went out of my way to be low key.  Thoughts? Advice? I'm 3 months away and I really thought this was fairly smooth sailing with these girls. 

Re: Bridal party question

  • Wow 11:30 is an early morning?  Do they have day jobs?  It's one freaking day. To support their friend.  They do need to deal with it.  Instead of telling them to deal with it, any time they get a little too pissy, I'd just say "Sharon, it really hurts my feelinsg when you complain about being here at Xtime.  This is my wedding day which you agreed to be a part of" and leave it at that.

    As for the FB drama, I agree, maybe send them an e-mail and re-confirm with what you want for them.  Don't do it on their walls though.  If it's a first time offense, don't call them out on their BS in front of everyone.  If they do it again though, I think you're good to do it.
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    1. 11 is completely reasonable. Ignore any bitching you hear about that; it's not worth it.

    2. Sounds like an honest mistake; I'd let it go.

    3. That's weird and super lame. I would talk to the offenders -- in person -- in a totally non-confrontational way. "Hey I saw your facebook post about having to grow out your hair and get french tips for the wedding and I just wanted to be sure we were clear that you definitely don't have to do any of that!"

    ETA: Just saw your response. I always worry about texting and the way it can come across -- if it were me, I'd just make sure to have a light convo about it the next time you see them.
    Lizzie
  • 1 and 2, I'd ignore. And I think you handled 3 perfectly.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-party-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b0a96aba-974d-43fc-a7ca-e64c5e8b948dPost:6ff9fb42-986e-4ad1-8574-ecc67bb47de8">Re: Bridal party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]1. 11 is completely reasonable. Ignore any bitching you hear about that; it's not worth it. 2. Sounds like an honest mistake; I'd let it go. 3. That's weird and super lame. I would talk to the offenders -- in person -- in a totally non-confrontational way. "Hey I saw your facebook post about having to grow out your hair and get french tips for the wedding and I just wanted to be sure we were clear that you definitely don't have to do any of that!" <strong>ETA: Just saw your response. I always worry about texting and the way it can come across -- if it were me, I'd just make sure to have a light convo about it the next time you see them.</strong>
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]


    I won't see these girls until my shower as they are out of town.  I don't want to address it then.  One just wrote back and said she was using my wedding as an excuse to grow out her hair, that's what she's telling people.  I texted back and said, great! can't wait to everyone together! but please know I don't have any expectations for hair styles and you don't need to use my wedding as a reason to grow out your style, I'm fine however you choose to wear your hair. 

    I think that was OK...we shall see.
  • I think you handled yourself well.  I'd ignore 1 and 2 and then go from there.  I like to live in wonderful ignorant bliss when there's drama stewing that doesn't involve me. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-party-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b0a96aba-974d-43fc-a7ca-e64c5e8b948dPost:7b59c9a5-0b29-4625-8d23-7accaaf32bb0">Re: Bridal party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party question : I won't see these girls until my shower as they are out of town.  I don't want to address it then.  One just wrote back and said she was using my wedding as an excuse to grow out her hair, that's what she's telling people.  I texted back and said, great! can't wait to everyone together! but please know I don't have any expectations for hair styles and you don't need to use my wedding as a reason to grow out your style, I'm fine however you choose to wear your hair.  I think that was OK...we shall see.
    Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]

    That definitely makes sense then.
    Lizzie
  • #1- Just inform them on the time and let it be. 11:30 is not that early to be ready for a 2:00 wedding. Geez!

    #2- Leave it alone.

    #3- I'd just confirm with them that they can have their hair and nails however they prefer. I'd also avoid doing it through text or e-mail just because sometimes things can be taken the wrong way. Mention it casually but I wouldn't say anything about the FB thing.
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • 11 AM is perfectly reasonable and not at all early.  I've heard of people having to show up much earlier than that.

    I'd stay out of the shower/bachelorette drama.  Hopefully they can work it out. It's good that you aren't upset about the spoiled surprise.  I think that you are handling it very graciously.

    The FB drama would make me really upset.  I think that you should call them out on it.  I would try to do it in a nice way, though, so as not to start more drama.  Just tell them that you aren't requiring these things, and you just want to clear up any misunderstandings.
  • wink0erinwink0erin member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    Question... do the girls arriving at 11am know that they need to be photo-ready at that time? Or are they arriving and then getting ready? Might want to make that clear closer to the wedding day.

    And 11am is NOT early! For my cousin's 1:30pm wedding we had to be at the salon at 8am for hair (which was optional). I wasn't going to go until my cousin had a mini freakout thinking that no one was going to show up at the salon. So, we all went just to support her. 

    ETA: I'd stay out of the B-party/shower thing and let them handle it.

    And with the FB thing, just remind them that you don't have any requirements and that they can do whatever they want. For my cousin's wedding I tanned and decided to get my nails done, but that was just because I wanted to.
    ******************************************************

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-party-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b0a96aba-974d-43fc-a7ca-e64c5e8b948dPost:5e5d1b92-8490-4a2a-a7ac-03b5266c3547">Re: Bridal party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridal party question : 1. Yes.  Tell them to deal. 11:30 is not that early. 2. I vote no.  You didn't do anything wrong. 3. Maybe call/email and confirm that you do NOT want these things.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I completely agree.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-party-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b0a96aba-974d-43fc-a7ca-e64c5e8b948dPost:bdbbd3ef-9489-423b-b608-31f079540121">Re: Bridal party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Question... do the girls arriving at 11am know that they need to be photo-ready at that time? Or are they arriving and then getting ready?</strong> Might want to make that clear closer to the wedding day. And 11am is NOT early! For my cousin's 1:30pm wedding we had to be at the salon at 8am for hair (which was optional). I wasn't going to go until my cousin had a mini freakout thinking that no one was going to show up at the salon. So, we all went just to support her.  ETA: I'd stay out of the B-party/shower thing and let them handle it. And with the FB thing, just remind them that you don't have any requirements and that they can do whatever they want. For my cousin's wedding I tanned and decided to get my nails done, but that was just because I wanted to.
    Posted by wink0erin[/QUOTE]

    Yes, they do know.  Everything was discussed in person when we were together a few months ago, and I reminded them again of that info via email when I sent out the hotel link and info.  They had asked over the summer if they didn't want to use my stylist if they could show up ready to go and I said totally fine.  I don't care if they use someone else or do their own hair, as long as they're on time. 
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