FI's sister invites HER friend to my shower, is this weird?

jandjleader

My fiance's sister is hosting the shower at her house and I just found out from him that he had to invite her frinds boyfriend to his guy's day the day of the shower (he has never met him) because her friend will be at my shower. I only have met her once at her wedding. Is it just me or is this weird?

salt78

She did offer to throw you the shower, so I don't think it's that weird that she invited one of her friends. I wouldn't let it bother you. 

What I do think is weird is that she said that your FI has to invite the boyfriend. Can the guy not take care of himself for one day while his girlfriend is at a shower?

eshaufle

So this is your FSIL's friend who you have only ever met at your FSIL's wedding?  Were you planning on inviting this friend to your wedding because it's a big no-no to invite people to showers that aren't invited to the wedding.  It sounds like this may be the case since it doesn't sound like you're close with her.

Did she already invite her?  If she hasn't, I would tell her that this friend was not able to be included on the wedding guest list and so it would be rude to invite her to the shower.  I honestly don't know what the protocol is if she's already invited her...I guess add her to the guest list if you can?  Or just don't follow etiquette rules I guess.  That sucks that you're in this sticky situation!

salt78

Oh and I should have added (because eshaufle is right) that this is with the understanding that her friend isn't invited to the wedding. 

jandjleader

I forgot to add, the friend and her boyfrined are coming from out of town (she live quite a bit away from fi's sister)

jandjleader

No, she is not invited to the wedding. FI's sister knows that too. I have no inttnetion of inviting her. I don't know about fi's sisteer, but FMIL doesn't agree with the "wedding guests only at shower" etiquette. I had talked to her about that at one time cause she (FMIL) was invited to a shower that she was not invited to the wedding for. She said that she was glad to go to the shower so she could still help the bride celebrate...

salt78

Honestly I think it's more weird that they would want to come rather than her inviting them. Who travels to go to a stranger's shower?

tenofcups4me

Yes, that's weird that she invited her (and wrong -- it doesn't matter that she's hosting it; it's not her party). And just plain weird that they're coming. And no, under those circumstances you have no obligation to invite these people to the wedding.

HisCB

the sister invited her, so the ettiquitte goes on the sister as for her not being invited to the shower.

i also think that its wrong to invite people to the shower who arent invited to the wedding. But its not like it's someone who had any chance of making it on the wedding guest list anyway. The friend should realize that she doesnt know the bride or groom enough to be invited, and the only reason she is invited to the shower is because its at her friend's house, not because the bride wants an extra guest/gift.

i would have sister tell her friend that a gift is really not nessesary also. she will probably bring one anyway though.

if my friend were throwing a shower and i didnt know the bride/groom, but my friend wanted to invite me for the fun of it, i would never assume i would be invited to the actual wedding. And if i were, i would know it was probably because of the ettiquite and decline right away.

i do think its weird for the boyfriend to invite himself along on the guy's day. can he not just go watch a movie by himself or something for a few hours?

Fineporcelain

This couple sound as if they have have to be totally entertained by other people during their whole visit. And that the couple have never been apart for more than an hour? IMHO

TTiger03

I agree with HisCB that FSIL should let her friend know that she doesn't need to bring a gift.  It seems to me like she is inviting her friend to either help or (as rude as it is) keep her company.  

Seems like their plans are already made and you can't really change them.  

FSIL should know better, but seeing as her mother doesn't care, I doubt she learned this rule.  

As long as this girl isn't going to ruin the party in front of your family and friends, let her sit in the corner and enjoy the games.

jandjleader

i just talked to my FMIL to make sure we are not expected to invite them and she said we are not. She said that FSIL made plans with her friend after the shower was already planned/booked. But that it would be rude to not have fsil friend at the shower. and that in her opinion (FMIL) she does not believe a person must not be invited to a shower if they are not invited to a wedding. And that i was raised to do the proper thing while she raised her kids to do what makes them happy. And that she even invited 3 people herslef that are not invited to the wedding.

She did not tell me who they are.