Wedding Etiquette Forum

It's funny to ask questions you should know the answer to.

A thank you note question. I KNOW I've seen this question before, but can't find it, nor remember the answer.

My wedding is in October. My shower is August 1. I just got an invitation to my shower (they're very pretty and classy). I also just today got an email from Macy's, where I'm registered, saying that so and so bought me (specific gift), but it's on backorder and is scheduled to ship by August 6.

I know that for gifts received pre-wedding, pre-shower, I should send a thank you to make sure the person knows I received it, and set it aside until after the wedding.

I don't really know what to do here. I assume she won't be making it to the shower - she lives in TX, shower is in PA - and another twist, I don't think she was INVITED to the shower, I think she's sending a gift based on the STD, and likely won't make it to the wedding.

I could send a thank you after the shower with all of the other thank yous, considering that the gift is supposed to arrive just after the shower, but again, I don't think she was invited to the shower, so that might not make sense.

If I send a thank you now and she's aware that I won't have the item for a couple of months, I could look like a weirdo registry stalker.

If I don't send a thank you soon and she isn't aware that the item is backordered, I could look like a total d-bag.

So... when do you send a thank you for an item from someone who wasn't invited to the shower, probably won't be at the wedding, that you were alerted to by a surprise ruining Macy's email to tell you the gift isn't actually coming for a while?
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Re: It's funny to ask questions you should know the answer to.

  • Macys does that. It angered my mom when she found out I could see what everyone bought.  I would not send a thank you until you actually receive the gift.  Ignore the alert.
  • You send the note once the actual gift has been received by you.  I believe you technically have 6 months after the wedding to send thank you notes so if you wait, you won't appear rude. 

    Your dogs are super cute!  The black one looks a lot like our younger dog...
  • I'd wait until it got there. If you got a backorder e-mail, maybe she did too and knows it won't get there until August.
  • Thank you both - that makes sense. I'm just very caught up - like most, I think - in trying very, very hard not to be at ALL rude.

    pamela - what kind of dog do you have? Sheldon is the black one - he's half Newfoundland, half Goldendoodle. All butthead.
    On bed rest since Groundhog's Day and every day since has been exactly the same.
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  • [QUOTE]You send the note once the actual gift has been received by you. Posted by pamela626[/QUOTE]

    As opposed to the gifts that have been received by someone else.
  • I agree that she probably was informed that it was backordered so you're ok to wait until you receive the gift.

    In other news, I have a Macy's registry and they never e-mail me alerts.  I have to log-in to registry stalk.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-funny-ask-questions-should-answer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1e10471-ac6d-40e7-b12b-913833471f1aPost:756fba10-1f81-4a29-8faf-6e52573f950f">Re: It's funny to ask questions you should know the answer to.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that she probably was informed that it was backordered so you're ok to wait until you receive the gift. In other news, I have a Macy's registry and they never e-mail me alerts.  I have to log-in to registry stalk.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]


    They have this thing called "Thank you manager" and it lists every gift and who bought it for you, even ones you didn't register for.  I hate surprises so I looked once when I first created the list and saw my china was bought.  Then I saw it was all bought by FMIL, FI said she was sooo excited to surprise me.  I feel like an ass, I haven't looked since.
  • Huh, I'll have to check that out.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Maybe I'll wait until after the wedding if I f'ed up making a list or something.
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    BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
  • LMAO @ "weirdo registry stalker!" Brilliant. Yeah, I'd wait until you recieve the gift, then send the TY, just pretend you never got the notification!
  • I think in this case, I would just wait to send a TY note until the gift arrives.  She knows it's on backorder.
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