invite the cousin who hates me? (long)

jessicalumbard

Hi all -

My FI and I are pretty sure we've made up our minds on this issue, but I wanted to see what other people thought.  To make a VERY long story short - my FI's 33 year old cousin has never been anything but rude to me.  It started 3 years ago when I had spent the night at FI's parents house (okay with his parents) and she immediately said that I was not the "christian girl she thought I was" (this was the day she met me) and that I "disrespected her family."  Keep in mind, his parents were 100% okay with me sleeping there.  FI and his parents have asked her to apologize or be nice, but she never has, later at a family party SCREAMED in my face (as I sat there calmly and asked her to stop) and most of the time ignores me all together.  When she saw us after we got engaged, she did not say congratulations to me.  She has similar problems like this with everyone in her family, so everyone knows how she is and doesn't blame me at all.

So the issue - do we invite her? I left it up to FI (even though I DO NOT want her there).  He doesn't want her there, he said she has never supported our relationship, so why should she be there?  His family loves me and knows that it is  because of her that we don't get along, and they know I've been only nice to her.  BUT - is it going to cause too much drama not inviting her?  I don't CARE about the cousin being upset...but what about her mom, grandma, etc?  I really don't want to invite her, but I don't want to give his family a reason not to like me either.  Advice?  Sorry so long...TIA!

opalsky007

That text is making my eyes hurt.

IMO, you should just invite her. If she hates you that much, she'll probably just refuse to come, and then she looks like the bad guy, not you. Besides, if she does come, odds are, you'll have no interaction with her. You'll be surrounded by people all day.

goheels05

You don't have to invite her.  Since she's an adult, there isn't any weirdness in inviting her mother and not her.  If she tries to confront you about it, tell her that you and FI prayed really hard about it and that the Lord led you to not invite her, and that since she's such a good Christian woman, you knew she'd understand. 

Nebb

I positively hate my cousin, I invited her parents and grandparents (my cousin and aunt/uncle) and they both came despite her not being invited. To my knowledge it was never even brought up that she was not invited, and my family gossips a lot so if it had I would have enventually heard it.

She sounds like a ho-bag, dont invite her.

Shawnee11507

I wouldn't invite her

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-cousin-hates-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1f00533-cee4-4445-9b33-58ef6e302802Post:ffa6b440-923a-44ba-b270-1c1265ec5261">Re: invite the cousin who hates me? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have to invite her.  Since she's an adult, there isn't any weirdness in inviting her mother and not her.  If she tries to confront you about it, tell her that you and FI prayed really hard about it and that the Lord led you to not invite her, and that since she's such a good Christian woman, you knew she'd understand. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

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jessicalumbard

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-cousin-hates-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1f00533-cee4-4445-9b33-58ef6e302802Post:ffa6b440-923a-44ba-b270-1c1265ec5261">Re: invite the cousin who hates me? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]If she tries to confront you about it, tell her that you and FI prayed really hard about it and that the Lord led you to not invite her, and that since she's such a good Christian woman, you knew she'd understand. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

haha, that gave me a good laugh!

Thanks everyone, I'm glad we're not alone...we both really do feel like we're making the right decision (and who knows, things may change from now until std time, but I doubt it) but it helps to know that we aren't just being jerks and that others would do the same thing!

irishxmyst

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-cousin-hates-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1f00533-cee4-4445-9b33-58ef6e302802Post:ffa6b440-923a-44ba-b270-1c1265ec5261">Re: invite the cousin who hates me? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE] If she tries to confront you about it, tell her that you and FI prayed really hard about it and that the Lord led you to not invite her, and that since she's such a good Christian woman, you knew she'd understand.[/QUOTE]
Posted by goheels05
Love it!

OP: Personally, I wouldn't invite her, but if you are concerned about FI's family's feelings, since they will be you inlaws, ask FI to have a conversation with his family about it.  If they understand your position and say its ok not to invite her then don't invite her.  If they express that they understand your point of view, but it would still be proper to invite her, then for the sake of not starting drama, invite her.  She probably won't come anyway, and if she does you'll be surrounded by so many other people you probably won't notice her sour little a$$ sitting in the corner.  And if she does start a scene (screaming at you and whatnot), have her thrown out.  I'm used to running events and use the ejectment button liberally for people who "disturb the peace".

jessicalumbard

Great advice irish...thank you!