My big fat extened family wedding

scorbi13

Where to draw the line???

Wondering what everyones thoughts are about not having step nieces and nephews in the wedding party.

I have a biological brother who has 2 children who will be in my wedding (no questions asked) these are my god-children.

I have 2 step brothers who have children as well, my fiance has 2 step brothers also with 2 children. Is it wrong to include my brothers children but not the step brothers children?

Thoughts!?

ericaandtom2012

Are you inviting any other children to the wedding?  If not, you can get away with inviting only the children in the wedding party.  Otherwise, it's all about knowing your family dynamic.  Will it cause drama if you don't invite them, but invite other (non-WP) children?

Blue & White

I personally think including all of the children would be a side show in itself, so I would feel fine only including 2 children.  If your step brother to be gets mad because you didn't include his kids in your wedding, that's the most petty thing in the world to get mad over.

This might actually be one time during wedding planning where it's okay to "do what you want".

Obviously, you don't want to apologize or any such nonsense to your step brothers though.  Something like "I couldn't have that many kids in my wedding" will really just be more rude than not including the kids in the first place (which is normal, and not rude at all - you just don't want to point it out)

OliveOilsMom

I don't think you have to include every single child in the wedding.  However, depending on family dynamic all of the children may need to be invited to the wedding, just not participate in it.  Sometimes it's not worth starting family trouble. 

scorbi13

Just the WP children (who will just be attending the ceremony and first part of reception, we already have arrangements for them to be picked up by a babysitter)
Other than that no other children are being invited.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-big-fat-extened-family-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2272e9f-b3f0-43c5-8597-b68b79e63a1ePost:6a96705f-ea22-4bef-b738-1fd95ce0641a">Re: My big fat extened family wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Just the WP children (who will just be attending the ceremony and first part of reception, we already have arrangements for them to be picked up by a babysitter) Other than that no other children are being invited.
Posted by scorbi13[/QUOTE]

While your plan is fine, it may cause some hurt feelings, but you are doing nothing wrong. 

KSerafin17

There are 7 nieces and nephews between FH and I. We decided to have one ring bearer (my oldest nephew) and two flower girls (his god daughter and his niece). As far as I can tell, no feelings were hurt in our families as they understand that having all 7 would just be way too much. All are invited to the wedding however, but those are the only children we are having at our wedding.

eileen1086

I’m totally in the minority here but I wouldn’t dream of asking blood nieces and nephews to be in my wedding without also asking any step nieces or nephews. Between my mom and step dad we have 4 kids in the family, my 2 step sisters and “half” brother all at least 14 years older than me. My brother has always just been my brother even if we have different dads and as for my sisters I have always been much closer to the oldest than the younger of the two but they are still my step sisters just the same. Only the oldest has kids, 2 boys, and I am just as much their aunt as my other sister. They know their grandpa is not my bio dad but to them I have always been and always will be their aunt. If my brother has kids they will all be the same to me as my nephews are even if some share the same DNA and others don’t. The only way I would say some nieces or nephews could be excluded is if they are older and the others are little. Little kids don’t know the difference of blood they just know they are being excluded.

ericaandtom2012

Wow, total mis-read on my part.  I thought you were asking about not inviting them. Sorry for the advice fail!

itzMS

Another case to not have ANY children in the wedding party.
Poor kids don't know why they're not "special" enough to be chosen.


I know it's not what you're asking, but I think you need to have ALL of your nephews and nieces in attendance (step or bio) or none at all. It's not worth hurt feelings.

lily_721

I had all of them (nine children).  It was a little much but they are all exceptionally important to us.  I simply couldn't eliminate and I love every special moment for the children.  Our mothers thought we were crazy but the kids were great and it was such a special night for them.  During our dance and cake-cutting, two of them ran to us to tell us how much they loved us.  It didn't ruin anything and it made everything even more family perfect for us.

lily_721

Let me clarify on the step-family portion.  DH's parents are divorced.  One of my little FGs is DH's step-cousin's daughter.  She was so excited and I am so happy that we were able to have such a special day for her.  Her parents told us that she had been telling everyone for months that she was going to be a flower girl.  I would never have thought to exclude her.  While a normally shy little girl (age 5), she sat at the kids' table and had a blast.

In Italian families, when you are family, you are family.  Step or otherwise.  My mom was feeling a little bad that my "side" was so small and DH's second cousin said "now we are all family, there aren't any sides."