Wedding Etiquette Forum

Need help ASAP! Wedding 3 days away - rehearsal in 2!

We are having grandparents and parents walk down the aisle in our wedding before our attendants. I know some of you think this is strange, but it is totally normal for our are and has been in every wedding I've ever been to. Also the groom's grandparents might be very upset if we didn't do it. I only have one grandmother left and she won't be at the wedding, but my step-grandfather would be there. It seemed fitting for him to go first since he is not a blood relative, but still very important to us. Then grooms grandma will go (lives in AZ). Then grooms grandpa and wife (not grandma) will go. They live down the street and we actually live in their old house now so they are very important. The question is...who's next? I think it should be his mom and he thinks it should be my mom. He will be walking his own mom and I just kind of figured it didn't really matter so I said ok fine, but it kept bothering me. I feel like my mom should be last, even if only because she's the mother of the bride. Groom thinks that if he's walking his mom down they should go last so that he's last. Now my sister made it sound like people would think it was really strange and awkward. I am bothered because I don't think it's what he wants I think it's just what his mom wants because she's really controlling and wants it all to be her way. What do I do? What is right?

Sorry for the long post...
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Re: Need help ASAP! Wedding 3 days away - rehearsal in 2!

  • Mother of the bride goes last. 
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  • Hab's correct. MOB goes last. Your officiant should also help you know who goes when during the rehearsal. Ours told everyone where to be and stand and when they should start walking, etc.
  • According to theKnot, the bride's mother should be seated last; the groom's mother should be seated just before the bride's mother.

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/protestant-wedding-ceremony-seating.aspx
  • Every wedding I've been to, the order is:

    grandparents of groom
    grandparents of bride
    parents of groom
    mother (or parents) of bride
    bridesmaids
    flower girl/ring bearer
    bride

    Put perfectly by Emily Post's page on families: "The mother of the groom should defer to the mother of the bride"

    http://www.emilypost.com/families

    As put so well by my mother (as well as many others): The Mother of the Groom should do two things: Wear beige, and be silent.
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  • Ditto to PP, the maternal side goes last in every wedding I've been to.  I didn't plan it this way, but this is the way the Priest directed the order of who would go down the aisle, we just went with it.

    (DH's paternal Grandmother, then his maternal grandparents)
    then  my paternal grandfather and my maternal grandparents.

    then MIL was escorted by DH's brother, with FIL walking behind them

    then Mother of the Bride.

    I thought this was cute, we both have young brothers (11) and (14), so it was really cute to have them walk our moms
  • "The mother of the groom should defer to the mother of the bride"


    Love this idea, but it soooo did not happen during my wedding planning. lol
  • Thanks for the imput...so how do I broach the topic? Our officiant is his mom's brother-in-law so I don't know that he will be the most helpful with this...

    Should I just start directing people day of? It could be just a miscommunication - my FI knows absolutely nothing about weddings (he's the one who says this) and what the etiquiette is supposed to be. But his argument is that we haven't done everything else traditionally, so why this? Ugh.

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  • Birdie1483Birdie1483 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    FWIW, my brother was a GM and he walked my mom down the aisle as well. Once she was seated, he joined the groom and the other GMs on the side to walk in together.

    Your FI can walk his mother down the aisle and then stand at the front. Then the GM can join him after your mother has been seated. Or he can seat her and then walk off to the side to join the GMs so they can walk in together from the side in the front after your mom has been seated.
  • Tell him that it is important to you that your mother is recognized in traditional order.  She is supposed to be the last one down the aisle before the wedding party, since she birthed you. 

    Typically, the groom doesn't even walk down the aisle, so he doesn't need to be the "last to go".  The aisle show is all about the bride.  Sorry, but it is.  He may not like it, but it's true. 
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  • I would just have a "list" typed/written to go so it has the order that EVERYONE is coming down, that way there's little room for negotiation or decision making.

    My bridesmaids were squabbling with each other over who would go first, etc.  So I just said "you, you, you, you..." and that was the end of it. 

    Give the typed list to the officiant, and he'll go along with it.    Don't act like there's a problem because it will create a problem. 

    If MIL pushes the issue, just say that this is the way it's always done, and move on.  Rehearsals are just run throughs and tend to be shorter, and most people have the sense to go with it.  She's less likely to object if there is a group of people around to witness it.
  • Thanks for all your help! I talked to FI and I guess I was overreacting. He's agreeable to whatever. I guess I'm extra nervous because there was a giant blow out at my sister's wedding rehearsal. (dad vs. stepdad) I have tried everything to prevent anything like that from happening, but I think that I was just extra sensitive to making a switch so close and doing something that anyone might not expect. Everything is going to be great!

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  • the grandparents can be walked down by wedding attendents (bm and gm)
    next the parents (minus your dad of course)
    then the wedding party and you last.
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  • It sounds like you've worked this out with your FI and he's agreed to do what you want, but I wanted to add:  Other than the bride being last there really isn't a "you're more important so you go later" rule.  Perhaps if you stop thinking of it and referring to it that way MIL won't be so irritable about being declared less important.  The fact that they're walking down the aisle at all clearly means they're important to you, so I would have everyone walk in the traditional order - that means your "less important grandfather" going after the groom's grandparents.
  • I don't think he's less important at all. I thought I was following etiquitte (according to the knot at least) by having any step-grandparents go first groom's then bride's (he doesn't have any though). And then any grandparents go first (groom's then bride's) but I don't have any. I think he's very important, but I'm just trying to be sensitive to everyone and I think following the etiquitte protocal is the easiest way to do that. I've never tried to indicate which mom was less important at all, but I feel if we do follow tradition they are equally important - if we don't it could seem like my mom is less important or like she has done something wrong.
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  • Is this really a mountain you want to die on?  Yes, the MOB should go last but will anyone really notice or care if his mom went last?  Probably not and if they did comment on it while he and his mom are walking down the aisle, well, they just really need to get a life.

    It is great that you are trying to stick to etiquette standards but sometimes (in certain circumstances such as this one) it is best to just compromise.

    Have you even talked to your actual parents about this?  They may not even care who walks down first or last.  You can only worry about and be sensitive to everyone else for so long...if this is what your FI wants (and he most likely isn't asking for a lot) then just do it, it really isn't worth fighting over and no one will remember who walked when 10, 20 or 30 years down the road.

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