Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)?

kristinspack

I swear I read somewhere its bad etiquette to send someone a STD, but not an invite. Even those people we know they are not coming? 

We're getting married in Alaska. It's a big expensive journey. After receiving the STDs many people told us or my parents, they can't make the trip. Are they still expecting to receive an invitation?

GardenMaven

Yes, you should still send an invitation.  I have had people tell me that they are unable to make it, but I am still sending them an invite.  

s-aries8990

What you read was correct. It's better to spend the postage than look like an "ndian-giver of invitations

LisaA2014

Totally off topic but a wedding in Alaska sounds AMAZING!

AddieCake

Yes, you have to send an invitation to anyone who gets an STD. If not, what were they saving the date for?

beardo1111

I was wondering this as well.  After sending save-the-dates we had people tell us that they'd love to come but won't be able to make the trip (they're either across the country or abroad).  In both cases I told them I totally understood and if plans changed they were more than welcome.  Now I kind of feel like if I send invites after they explicitly told me they can't come, it will seem like I'm either disregarding the earlier conversation we had or just asking for gifs.

Anyone else see it this way?  Or just stick with proper etiquette and send the invites?

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_send-all-std-people-invitations-even-if-we-know-theyre-not-coming-from-afar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b28549b7-6467-40e1-909b-f5b1bb055f9cPost:6e85c0f7-c1a2-4ad7-a0d9-caaf93e63014">Re: Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was wondering this as well.  After sending save-the-dates we had people tell us that they'd love to come but won't be able to make the trip (they're either across the country or abroad).  In both cases I told them I totally understood and if plans changed they were more than welcome.  Now I kind of feel like if I send invites after they explicitly told me they can't come, it will seem like I'm either disregarding the earlier conversation we had or just asking for gifs. Anyone else see it this way?  Or just stick with proper etiquette and send the invites?
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not disregarding them. It's giving them the option in case their plans change. Definitely stick with proper etiquette. What if you got an STD, thought you for sure couldn't go, told the couple, and then your plans changed,but you got no invitation?  Wouldn't you be confused or upset?</div>

[Deleted User]

Yes, you may be surprised on who does RSVP yes. I had relatives overseas who I sent STD & then invites as "courtesy" because my parents are like, they won't come. Guess what, they came.

ZiggyZos

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_send-all-std-people-invitations-even-if-we-know-theyre-not-coming-from-afar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b28549b7-6467-40e1-909b-f5b1bb055f9cPost:6e85c0f7-c1a2-4ad7-a0d9-caaf93e63014">Re: Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was wondering this as well.  After sending save-the-dates we had people tell us that they'd love to come but won't be able to make the trip (they're either across the country or abroad).  In both cases I told them I totally understood and if plans changed they were more than welcome.  Now I kind of feel like if I send invites after they explicitly told me they can't come, it will seem like I'm either disregarding the earlier conversation we had or just asking for gifs. Anyone else see it this way?  Or just stick with proper etiquette and send the invites?
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

We had several people tell us that they couldn't make it when they received our STDs. Come time for invites? A good portion of those people RSVPed yes to coming. Circumstances change. Send everyone an invite who received a STD whether they told you they could make it or not.

Likewise, we had several people who received our STDs who "wouldn't miss it for anything" that, come invitations, RSVPed no. Because, again, things change and life happens.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_send-all-std-people-invitations-even-if-we-know-theyre-not-coming-from-afar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b28549b7-6467-40e1-909b-f5b1bb055f9cPost:e9894de0-c132-4e83-97c8-e9de1149ca74">Re: Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, you should still send an invitation.  I have had people tell me that they are unable to make it, but I am still sending them an invite.  
Posted by GardenMaven[/QUOTE]

Us too. Even if you know someone can't come, it is nice to send an invite. As a guest, it is always nice to be invited and to know your presence is wanted and you are being thought about.

beardo1111

See if I had gone out of my way to tell someone I couldn't come to their wedding after getting the save-the-date, and then it worked out that I actually could go, I feel like I would probably let them know that.  But it sounds like I'd be in the minority so I'll go with yall's advice.  I'm still a little concerned it seems gift-grabby but it seems like its better to risk that than offend by not sending the invite at all.  Thanks ladies!

Fancypantsamy

I had people tell me that they couldn't make it before invites went out, and I just told them I would send them an invitation anyway so that they would still feel included. they were all people who wanted to come but couldn't travel for it. My husband's aunt, a friend who was a BM in another wedding that weekend and a friend who couldn't get the time off work all told me they really liked receiving the invitations anyway - they got to see a small sneak peak of the color scheme and style before the facebook photos went up.

Also, even with actual RSVPs from the invitations - I had one friend who RSVPed no right away since she couldn't afford to travel to my home town with her children, and then she changed her responce later when her in-laws out of the blue mentioned that they wanted to treat her and her husband to a weekend away and would take care of the kids. Since I'm not rude and wasn't b-listing, I was happy to add two more people to the yes list. Circumstances change. 

Jen4948

If you send someone an STD, even if they told you they're not coming, you should follow up with an invitation.  You never know-they might want to come after all.

kristinspack

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_send-all-std-people-invitations-even-if-we-know-theyre-not-coming-from-afar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b28549b7-6467-40e1-909b-f5b1bb055f9cPost:6e85c0f7-c1a2-4ad7-a0d9-caaf93e63014">Re: Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was wondering this as well.  After sending save-the-dates we had people tell us that they'd love to come but won't be able to make the trip (they're either across the country or abroad).  In both cases I told them I totally understood and if plans changed they were more than welcome.  Now I kind of feel like if I send invites after they explicitly told me they can't come, it will seem like I'm either disregarding the earlier conversation we had or just asking for gifs. Anyone else see it this way?  Or just stick with proper etiquette and send the invites?
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

<div>YES!!! Exactly the reason I wrote this posting. We just had a friend call us the other day to say they officially will not be attending the wedding. Money is tight. etc. etc. Totally understandable.

We've been assisting people with plane tickets and lodging as we can - a plane ticket here, a room to stay there. So they're been good about getting back to use to say, thanks, but no thanks.

Now I'm supposed to send them a invitation? Feels like I'm pressuring them or not taking no for an answer.</div>

kristinspack

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_send-all-std-people-invitations-even-if-we-know-theyre-not-coming-from-afar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b28549b7-6467-40e1-909b-f5b1bb055f9cPost:3324e2e5-639e-43d2-9f15-c42bc371036d">Re: Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Send ALL STD people invitations... even if we know they're not coming (from afar)? : YES!!! Exactly the reason I wrote this posting. We just had a friend call us the other day to say they officially will not be attending the wedding. Money is tight. etc. etc. Totally understandable. We've been assisting people with plane tickets and lodging as we can - a plane ticket here, a room to stay there. So they're been good about getting back to use to say, thanks, but no thanks. Now I'm supposed to send them a invitation? Feels like I'm pressuring them or not taking no for an answer.
Posted by kristinspack[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>"Gift - grabby" especially. Totally forgot about that one. 

Greatly appreciate all the responses to this thread. While I may not like the answer, sounds like I'd probably offend more people but skipping the invite...then inviting people who said no.

</div>

lovelybride614

I was curious about this too but in thinking about it as I was reading the responses, some people that I think may decline may prob want the invite to keep as a momento since they can't make it. Plus like PP's said, plans change and they may show up. I understand the pushy/gift grabby feeling but hopefully they know you well enough to know that's not what it's about.