Wedding Etiquette Forum
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uh oh?

you mentionned your wedding to someone...months and months ago..and havent talked or seen each other since for that matter...you see that you may have to cut back on your guest list and it includes them....or can you cut them out? what if you originally asked them to be a bridesmaid but yet again have had no contact? two different ppl but you feel bad about both situations...i did the first....i told her she may have to invite the latter....but idk...
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Re: uh oh?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uh-oh-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2c3b3e9-6578-4780-a859-1682f657495aPost:8b5151af-edef-409f-bcf3-32034ae7d316">uh oh?</a>:
    [QUOTE]you mentionned your wedding to someone...months and months ago..and havent talked or seen each other since for that matter...you see that you may have to cut back on your guest list and it includes them....or can you cut them out? what if you originally asked them to be a bridesmaid but yet again have had no contact? two different ppl but you feel bad about both situations...i did the first....i told her she may have to invite the latter....but idk...
    Posted by aquari0216[/QUOTE]


    What? Translation?



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    Assuming, Ii'm understanding you correct...

    Situation #1:  You mentiooned your wedding to someone ages ago, need to make cuts to the guest list, and want to know if they should still be invitied?

    Yes - You should invite them, the implication that they were invited has already been made and it would be rude to exclude.

    Situation #2:  There is someone you asked to be a BM and have since lost touch, but wanat t remove them from the BP.

    No - you cannot do this at all.  To kick someone out of your BP is a friendship ending move.
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    Once you invite someone to your wedding (verbally or otherwise), you need to follow through and invite them.  It would be pretty rude not to do so.

    If you ask someone to be a bridesmaid, "unasking" her (by not inviting her to the wedding or otherwise) will likely end the friendship.

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    I don't think mentioning, "oh, hey...I'm engaged!" is a verbal invite.  If that were the case I think a couple extra hundred people will be added to my guest list.
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    If you just mentioned to someone that you're engaged, that doesn't sound to me like an invitation that binds you to entertain whoever you spoke to.  If you actually told them that you were going to invite them or sent them an invitation, then you have to follow through.

    If you ask someone to be a bridesmaid, there's virtually no circumstances (unless she sleeps with the groom or engages in criminal behavior towards you-it has to be that far over the line) that allow you to drop her from the wedding party without risking your friendship.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uh-oh-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2c3b3e9-6578-4780-a859-1682f657495aPost:70998248-014a-4887-8c81-4ac197705e97">Re: uh oh?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>If you just mentioned to someone that you're engaged, that doesn't sound to me like an invitation that binds you to entertain whoever you spoke to.  If you actually told them that you were going to invite them or sent them an invitation, then you have to follow through.</strong> If you ask someone to be a bridesmaid, there's virtually no circumstances (unless she sleeps with the groom or engages in criminal behavior towards you-it has to be that far over the line) that allow you to drop her from the wedding party without risking your friendship.
    Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
    I agree with this.  It totally depends on the conversation.  I have a friend that we are not inviting to the wedding.  Of course she knows that I'm engaged and has asked how the wedding plans are going & whatnot.  So I try and answer vaguely so she gets the hint that she's not getting an invite.  Now if I told her every detail of the wedding and said something like the invitations have been ordered, then you need to invite her.  And of course, if you actually SAID you were going to invite her or asked for her address for the purpose of the invitations, then again, you must invite her.
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    I know exactly what you are going through.  I casually asked my friend for advice about a Christmas present idea, and after chatting with her about that and what not she asked how the wedding planning was going.  I said good but that I still hadn't found a dress and left it at that, even though she tried to sell me her old dress (she got divorced so awkward cause I'm one of the few people who believes in bad ju ju).  She then comes right out and says that now that I've told her about my wedding, even though she asked me, that I was now obligated to invite her.  I joked it off and explained that our guest list is limited due to my FI and I both coming from large families, and our venue is limited.  She brushed my answer off and just point blank said it was bad etiquette.  Found out a month later that she completely de friended me on FB and explained that the reason why was me not inviting her to our wedding.  I haven't seen her in two years, she has never taken any steps to meet my FI or ask me about him, we only casually chat on FB in a blue moon, but she was upset that I wasn't inviting her, we haven't sent out invitations, and she wants to be invited over some of my FI's very close friends.  I guess in my head I reversed the scenario and think that it's horribly bad etiquette of her to assume she should be invited to my wedding and semi demand and invitation.  It's an honor to me when I'm invited to friends weddings but I never assume I'm invited.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uh-oh-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2c3b3e9-6578-4780-a859-1682f657495aPost:22c1eb83-6dba-4618-8047-79d83684b0f4">Re: uh oh?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know exactly what you are going through.  I casually asked my friend for advice about a Christmas present idea, and after chatting with her about that and what not she asked how the wedding planning was going.  I said good but that I still hadn't found a dress and left it at that, even though she tried to sell me her old dress (she got divorced so awkward cause I'm one of the few people who believes in bad ju ju).  She then comes right out and says that now that I've told her about my wedding, even though she asked me, that I was now obligated to invite her.  I joked it off and explained that our guest list is limited due to my FI and I both coming from large families, and our venue is limited.  She brushed my answer off and just point blank said it was bad etiquette.  Found out a month later that she completely de friended me on FB and explained that the reason why was me not inviting her to our wedding.  I haven't seen her in two years, she has never taken any steps to meet my FI or ask me about him, we only casually chat on FB in a blue moon, but she was upset that I wasn't inviting her, we haven't sent out invitations, and she wants to be invited over some of my FI's very close friends.  I guess in my head I reversed the scenario and think that it's horribly bad etiquette of her to assume she should be invited to my wedding and semi demand and invitation.  It's an honor to me when I'm invited to friends weddings but I never assume I'm invited.
    Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>What a crappy friend!  The silver lining is that you got a person like that out of your life. 

    </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Sierra524Sierra524 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2013

    Try to get ahold or your BM & see if she is still interested in being in the wedding. This happened with one on our GM. we asked him to be in the wedding back in April and he said yes. But then, he didnt call my FI or try to contact us since just 3 days ago. He lives out of town and I guess his phone has been off. He still wants to be in it, and my FI really wants him to be. It was such a relief to hear from him! I just told him the dates that he needs to be here and that was that. lol.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uh-oh-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2c3b3e9-6578-4780-a859-1682f657495aPost:8b5151af-edef-409f-bcf3-32034ae7d316">uh oh?</a>:
    [QUOTE]you mentionned your wedding to someone...months and months ago..and havent talked or seen each other since for that matter...you see that you may have to cut back on your guest list and it includes them....or can you cut them out? what if you originally asked them to be a bridesmaid but yet again have had no contact? two different ppl but you feel bad about both situations...i did the first....i told her she may have to invite the latter....but idk...
    Posted by aquari0216[/QUOTE]

    <div>I was asked to a BM for a friends wedding before she got engaged because she new it was coming. Afterwards, she never had me in her wedding. I got an invitiation, but that was it. I was incredibly hurt. I went to the wedding, but ended up leaving after the ceremony because I felt slighted. Do NOT "uninvite" these people because you were too impatient to hold your tongue. </div>
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