rsvp hell in my future

LovelyLauren21

my cousin was married last year, three hours from where 99% of our family lives. a lot of the family rsvp'ed that they were attending, and on the day of the wedding at least 20 of them didn't show up.

my wedding is 2 hours away, but i have a feeling that the same thing will happen. how can i POLITELY tell my family that this is super important and that we pay for their seat whether they attend or not. right now my wedding is roughly at $65 per person - not trying to spend over $1000 on people that do not see the importance of a proper rsvp.

please let the suggestions roll. thank youuuuu

MeganG12345

This is the sort of thing I would pass off to my grandma. What I would do is talk to her about how worried I am that we're putting all of money to the wedding and having people not show up. Then I would let her go be all matriarch all over my family. 

MeganG12345

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:9c5a60c4-c681-4d9e-853b-750094e29c26">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rsvp hell in my future : no Grandma to do this unfortunately.
Posted by LovelyLauren21[/QUOTE]

<div>It doesn't have to be grandma. It can be anyone who feels comfortable meddling.</div>

mica178

You can swap out "grandma" with any other family matriarch.

MyUserName1

I agree with the PP who suggested having the nosy matriarch mention things.

It could also work by having sympathetic types talk a LOT about how awful it was for poor Cousin Suzie to have to pay SO MUCH MONEY for all those people who didn't show up, and it is such a terrible way to begin a marriage without the support of her family who had SAID that they would BE THERE FOR HER ON HER SPECIAL DAY, etc.

(Disclaimer: I do not condone use of the "Special Day" phrase ordinarily.  In the above example it is used for dramatic effect.)

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:1970b334-171e-4161-8e66-dc3eff200a3e">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rsvp hell in my future : <strong>No, our food dinner is gifted for free</strong>...we were blessed with that. I know most people still pay per head but we had the option to do a per head or the buffet...and the person doing the buffet food will be making double the rsvp count and then just donating to the homeless food drive my church does where we serve full meals. It worked out for both sides. The most affordable place we could find with similar food was about $15pp and our budget does not permit it. The thought of each head at $25+ terrified me and I wouldn't even dare cross FI with that thought lol
Posted by ShakeUpTampa[/QUOTE]

<div>So telling her to do a buffet to save costs (because you get it for free) doesn't really help her.  OP I'm sorry that your family doesn't honor their RSVPs. As annoying as it is, I would just invite them and hope for the best.</div>

fluttaby32

cross ya fingers, do ya step.

achiduck

While it totally sucks to have people RSVP yes and not show up you can't exactly call them and be like "you RSVP'd yes, so you better show b/c I'm spending $65 to feed your ass."

For any bride it's possible that some people won't show on the day. Emergencies come up that will take precedent for them over your wedding.

HappinessByTheKilowatt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:ff5b5c44-b1dc-48d0-832d-7e21300f550d">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to rsvp hell in my future : You can't.  If they RSVP yes, you have to take their word that they are coming. Someone RSVP'ing yes and not showing up is a risk you take when you plan any party.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

I agree with Duds. Sorry it sucks, but it comes with the territory. Hopefully you will have better luck than your cousin.

ShakeUpTampa

This is one HUGE reason we are doing buffet and not per head. We are giving head count and having enough food and it's covered. I already worry about people showing up with no seat (no rsvp) or people not showing up and all these empty seats.

ShakeUpTampa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:913d19ab-77de-4f82-bbed-bcf3abc6f7a9">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rsvp hell in my future : So telling her to do a buffet to save costs (because you get it for free) doesn't really help her.  OP I'm sorry that your family doesn't honor their RSVPs. As annoying as it is, I would just invite them and hope for the best.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]


Didn't tell her to do it because I get it for free. Just pointing out if she is nervous she could go buffet as it the cost is usually reasonably less then sit down.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:9681d52a-c319-44cb-abcd-e349d16712cb">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rsvp hell in my future : Don't you still have to pay a per-person charge for your reception? We had a buffet and still paid $X per-person.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>Same here. I is confused. </div><div>
</div><div>Maybe she means that say she pays for 5 people who don't show up, that just means there's more for seconds for those who did come, so it's less food/money wasted?</div>

LovelyLauren21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:c4ac3e57-3ca5-4e25-b4ec-55da26c4db1d">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]While it totally sucks to have people RSVP yes and not show up you can't exactly call them and be like "you RSVP'd yes, so you better show b/c I'm spending $65 to feed your ass." Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]


hahahaha. this would surely bring my guest count down!

LovelyLauren21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:620d7620-4f5b-4806-9381-7844c60736a1">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the sort of thing I would pass off to my grandma. What I would do is talk to her about how worried I am that we're putting all of money to the wedding and having people not show up. Then I would let her go be all matriarch all over my family. 
Posted by MeganG12345[/QUOTE]

no Grandma to do this unfortunately.

ShakeUpTampa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-hell-future?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2d5b4a6-12ac-4c7f-9887-610bb8ef3927Post:9681d52a-c319-44cb-abcd-e349d16712cb">Re: rsvp hell in my future</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rsvp hell in my future : Don't you still have to pay a per-person charge for your reception? We had a buffet and still paid $X per-person.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


No, our food dinner is gifted for free...we were blessed with that. I know most people still pay per head but we had the option to do a per head or the buffet...and the person doing the buffet food will be making double the rsvp count and then just donating to the homeless food drive my church does where we serve full meals. It worked out for both sides. The most affordable place we could find with similar food was about $15pp and our budget does not permit it. The thought of each head at $25+ terrified me and I wouldn't even dare cross FI with that thought lol