Wedding Etiquette Forum

Decline the shower?

Hello!  I'm new here, but I'm in a pretty tough situation and a recently married friend suggested I come here for some advice.

I've known "D" for well over 20 years, and consider her my best friend, so of course when I got engaged in June I asked her to be my maid of honor.  She got involved with a company called ACN several months ago, and she's been exhibiting some kind of crazy behaviors since then.  I know she's asked my several times (probably once a week for the past three months) to sign up for services with her, or join as a sales rep myself.  I've declined each time and ask her to stop, but she won't.  She posts incessantly on Facebook about the company with all kinds of super-cheery buzzwords and catch phrases, which I find unusual behavior for her, but harmless I guess.

Now the crazy issue- she wants my entire wedding guest list, with phone numbers, emails, and addresses.  I told her if it was for the shower then let me know what size she was thinking of and I will cull down the list to an appropriate number.  Nope.  After a little wheedling I figured out she wants the list so she can solicit my wedding guests!! I told her that I was not comfortable with that at all, and while I appreciate that she's very excited about this company I would request that she keep it separate from my wedding.  She got very quiet after that and ended the conversation pretty quickly. Not half an hour later she posts a link on Facebook (here) about cutting out "negative" people who won't support your business.  I did a little research on the company and it really seems half pyramid scheme half cult!!  So now I feel like if I confront her about this she may cut me off as per the handbook.

She called me back and asked me for the list for the bridal shower, saying to invite "anyone and everyone I want!" (my wedding is almost 300 people!!).  She also still wants phone numbers and email in addition to address "just in case she needs to follow up on an rsvp".  I'm nervous, and honestly not comfortable giving her this information.  She's already shown me her lack of restraint and respect when it comes to this company, and I don't want to subject my friends and family to it too.  I have one other bridesmaid, my sister, but she  lives across the country and can't plan a shower.

On one hand, I want a bridal shower.  I've been to so many over the years and I always really looked forward to when I would have my own.  I would feel resentful if I had to decline to save the embarrassment of having my MOH harassing my guests.  On the other, I don't want to throw away this friendship over something that (I'm praying) won't be a permanent thing. 


Re: Decline the shower?

  • Honestly, I would decline the shower and then once the wedding is over with slowly back away from this friendship.  Asking for that much personal information from that many people is a huge red flag.

    I know that you want a shower but your MOH is not the only person who can offer one.  Decline the shower and hopefully someone else will throw one for you, if not, oh well.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decline-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2f211bb-d07c-425e-a222-49de39d597d4Post:27bb2393-dff4-4ab6-b97b-18391b291955">Decline the shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello!  I'm new here, but I'm in a pretty tough situation and a recently married friend suggested I come here for some advice. I've known "D" for well over 20 years, and consider her my best friend, so of course when I got engaged in June I asked her to be my maid of honor.  She got involved with a company called ACN several months ago, and she's been exhibiting some kind of crazy behaviors since then.  I know she's asked my several times (probably once a week for the past three months) to sign up for services with her, or join as a sales rep myself.  I've declined each time and ask her to stop, but she won't.  She posts incessantly on Facebook about the company with all kinds of super-cheery buzzwords and catch phrases, which I find unusual behavior for her, but harmless I guess. Now the crazy issue- she wants my entire wedding guest list, with phone numbers, emails, and addresses.  I told her if it was for the shower then let me know what size she was thinking of and I will cull down the list to an appropriate number.  Nope.  After a little wheedling I figured out she wants the list so she can solicit my wedding guests !! I told her that I was not comfortable with that at all, and while I appreciate that she's very excited about this company I would request that she keep it separate from my wedding.  She got very quiet after that and ended the conversation pretty quickly. Not half an hour later she posts a link on Facebook (here) about cutting out "negative" people who won't support your business.  I did a little research on the company and it really seems half pyramid scheme half cult!!  So now I feel like if I confront her about this she may cut me off as per the handbook. She called me back and asked me for the list for the bridal shower, saying to invite "anyone and everyone I want!" (my wedding is almost 300 people!!).  She also still wants phone numbers and email in addition to address "just in case she needs to follow up on an rsvp".  I'm nervous, and honestly not comfortable giving her this information.  She's already shown me her lack of restraint and respect when it comes to this company, and I don't want to subject my friends and family to it too.  I have one other bridesmaid, my sister, but she  lives across the country and can't plan a shower. On one hand, I want a bridal shower.  I've been to so many over the years and I always really looked forward to when I would have my own.  I would feel resentful if I had to decline to save the embarrassment of having my MOH harassing my guests.  On the other, I don't want to throw away this friendship over something that (I'm praying) won't be a permanent thing. 
    Posted by InstaLove30[/QUOTE]

    <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-soliciting-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-soliciting-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding</a> BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f9295a-ef25-4c55-a5da-827d435c68b9Post:9900e9d5-3511-4c75-9453-9b18a846e09b

    I thought this sounded familiar...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decline-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2f211bb-d07c-425e-a222-49de39d597d4Post:41914ea8-0011-4fed-b4f6-6d11138540e7">Re: Decline the shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Decline the shower? : <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-soliciting-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-soliciting-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding</a> BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f9295a-ef25-4c55-a5da-827d435c68b9Post:9900e9d5-3511-4c75-9453-9b18a846e09b I thought this sounded familiar...
    Posted by Just H[/QUOTE]

    Thank you Just H!  I was reading it and thought it was eerily familiar!
  • Maybe it's the same friend as the last poster with this issue... time for an intervention?
    image 312 Invited
    image 182 Are ready to party!
    image 127 Will be missing out!
    image 3 Are MIA!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I didn't read the above links, but I'd say give her the addresses, but tell her you're not comfortable giving any other personal into like emails or phone numbers.
  • I didn't read the above links, but I'd say give her the addresses, but tell her you're not comfortable giving any other personal into like emails or phone numbers.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decline-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2f211bb-d07c-425e-a222-49de39d597d4Post:9778f512-dd02-4d52-9769-bc550349d7f1">Re:Decline the shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, is your link in your post to "10 lines of bullshiiit..." your way of telling us this is MUD or your attempt to give us all viruses?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I think she stated the friend posted a status about "cutting negativity" WITH the article linked... caught me off guard for a minute, too.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decline-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2f211bb-d07c-425e-a222-49de39d597d4Post:9778f512-dd02-4d52-9769-bc550349d7f1">Re:Decline the shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, is your link in your post to "10 lines of bullshiiit..." your way of telling us this is MUD or your attempt to give us all viruses?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I'm not trying to give anyone a virus and I'm not sure what the "10 lines..." is your talking about.  After reading OP, I thought sounded familar and found the link to the other post a few months back referring to the same company, friend "D", etc and pasted the link.  When I click on the link it takes me to the previous similar post.  If you had other issues, I'm sorry.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decline-the-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b2f211bb-d07c-425e-a222-49de39d597d4Post:3efc3071-a1b1-4989-a1b3-c27e5486c6ce">Re:Decline the shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Decline the shower? : Not you, JustH.  I wasn't referring to your post at all. The OP had a link in her post.  It was apparently a link to something her friend posted on FB, but I was confused because of the topic of article and thought it was a random link, not what she described.  Apparently it's the article her friend posted though, which she took as an insult (and I can kind of see why, but it didn't click with me at first).
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    AHHH!  Sorry StageManager, didn't even see her link
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  • OP - absolutely decline the shower.  From my chair, it isn't hard to see what she is planning to do.  Just decline it.
  • It sounds like the friend who told OP to come here had the same problem with this chick a couple of months ago.

    I would decline the shower.  She sounds craycray.
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    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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