WWYD?

ginadog

A friend of mine offered to throw a party for us to my surprise.  When she asked us if we were going to have any kind of celebration, I said no we are not.  Maybe an anniversary party next year – who knows...  The families have not met yet. So she offered.  Very thoughtful!

 

I don’t have many good friends in my town (they all seem to move out of state, it’s a college town).  This friend I do hang out with just us two, but other than that, I’d say the majority of the people in my social circle are acquaintances – like people I’d gladly talk to at parties and look forward to seeing them at parties.  I'd love to hang out one on one with some, but just not quite there yet.

I don’t know.  I don’t want it to look gift grabby; we don't want that.  I don’t know what my friend had in mind (pot luck, just drinks, food, whose house, etc?).  Definitely casual, not using invitations or out of state friends flying in or anything.  We're going to lunch today so maybe she'll mention what she was thinking.

 

I have this supposed mini-keg of beer my grad advisor has brewed for me that was supposed to be for a graduation party that H was going to host.  I’m so weird - I have this fear that no one will show up or if they do they won't have a good time, so as much as I wanted a graduation party back when I was still in school, I have recently told H to just forget about it.  Maybe I'm trying to control my fear of rejection (had a lot of disappointment from my family).

 

For my last birthday, I invited some friends out to join us for dinner at a restaurant and then go salsa dancing afterwards.  I sent it last minute (the day of at 3pm!) and no one showed up or even replied, of course.  I think I did that so I could say, "Oh, I sent it last minute so that's why no one showed up," rather than thinking no one wanted to show up.  Jeez.

 

If we accepted her gracious offer (still not sure), can I bring some food?  Provide the alcohol?  Do something? 

WWYD?  Can you combine a celebration/graduation party?  I don’t want to do separate parties, or just drop one of them? 

 

What's the best way to use this keg?!?!?  LOL

ginadog

We got married last week.  Eloped to a different country.  Friend offered to throw a celebration party for us.  Like a "yay you're married now" party.  Another friend did the same (but she's out of state).  I don't know if I should accept her offer or decline it.  Explained said issues.

However, I just happen to have this keg of beer coming my way that would have been for a graduation party that I'm not sure will take place.

Loopyseven

Honestly, I'd probably decline the congrats party and just let your H host the grad party he was planning on.

ginadog

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-50?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b328c27d-a871-418c-aac3-5281722cc058Post:de5977a1-bc9a-44a8-a21c-b5eca843a220">Re:WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'd probably decline the congrats party and just let your H host the grad party he was planning on.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

Thanks, that's what I was feeling.

I could even do without the grad party at this point as I'm so weird about parties, but I already said yes to the keg and he (advisor) already brewed it for me. 

bigfootjax

TLDR--- seriously warn people.

Meegles4

Yeah, I think I agree with Loopy. Also, it sounds like you have some confidence issues with the whole "people won't come" mentality. Which I get, because I'm that same way, too! Give people a chance, they will (hopefully, usually) surprise you. Of course sending an e-mail out the day of a party isn't going to work, but go forward with the grad party, give this group of "acquaintances" and whoever else you would've invited some advance notice, and I bet you'll have a rockin' party.

ginadog

Ugh.  H said everyone and their brother is asking when the big party is.  He is asking me why I don't want a celebration party.   It doesn't feel right.  I'm just relieved the wedding stuff is finally behind us!

Meegles4

So have the grad party. People will congratulate you then and it can still feel like a celebration party, but without that being its express purpose.

DramaGeek

Just have a party.   Call is "last hurrah for summer.  Call it a backyard BBQ.  Don't call it anything, if you want.  I have a feeling a lot of people want to celebrate with you guys and having a regular ol' party gives them the chance to celebrate everything - your graduation, your marriage, life in general.

I'm sorry you're struggling with the confidence, S, but I guarantee people will come if you give them more than 2 hours' notice ;-)

afeliz79

I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your friend throw y'all a party. It's fairly common around here when couples elope. And, it sounds like your H has friends he would lilke to invite, which by the way would help out with you not noticing if the people you invite don't show.

I know it's hard to put yourself out there and invite people to do things, I do have the same problem. But, sometimes you just gotta. Who knows you may make friends out of the aquantiances you invite.

ginadog

"End of summer hurrah" sounds great!  I like that idea.  H was on board with that for sure.

MrsGandthebeag

I think the opposite of Loopy.  I'd take your friend up on her offer for the congrats on your wedding party and not have the grad party.  I'm assuming you graduated in May.  If so, I think it's a little late for a grad party.  If that's not the case, please disregard.  Either way, like the ladies said, people will come.  HAve a little confidence in yourself.  You sound very pleasant over the interwebs.  

noahark1

Why wouldn't you want to celebrate your marriage?  If you have a grad party and don't mention your weddng, to me it would either feel like the big white elephant in the room or that your marriage wasn't a big deal in your life.  Have a party, celebrate all your recent joys, pop that keg and have fun!  You won't look gift grabby (unless you mention "give me gifts" on the invite) and its certainly appropriate to have a celebration after your wedding.  Many brides who elope or have destination weddings celebrate with friends when they arrive home.

As for what you can contribute, ask your friend.  

I, too deal with self-esteem issues from years of childhood crap.  It's not always easy but I found that if I want a friend I had to be a friend and reach out to people.  Hard to make the first move.... you bet.  But it does get easier with practice.  (and no one has hated on me because I invited them to hang out or whatever.  Yes at times they had other plans, but I learned to accept that it wasn't anything personal, just a schedule conflict..  Now people I meet find it hard to believe that I was ever the shy, quiet one)