This is a complicated scenario. For Mother's Day, we didn't plan anything because FFIL and his brother always sort it out for not only FMIL but also Grandma. This year, they decided (without actually making that clear to anyone) that it was now up to us. (FI & me, FI's two brothers.) So, nothing got planned because we didn't know it was suddenly our responsibility. FFIL got pissy when nothing got planned.
Also, a few weeks ago, FIL's mentioned that their pastor was getting married (tomorrow). They asked if we (again, FI & me, FI's two brothers), would be going. I asked if we were invited, and they said it was open to all members of the church. Now, I don't know the level of my FBIL's involvement in the church, but I do know that FI is a member, but has gone maybe 3 times. I have gone maybe twice, and I am not a member. From what I understand, when FFIL received his wedding invitation, he RSVP'd 6 people. (!!!)
I decided that for Father's Day, I was going to figure it out so we didn't have the same Mother's Day situation. So, knowing that his weekends are usually booked, I asked FI and FBILs if they would be free this Tuesday for dinner. They were free. The next step was to see if FFIL would be free. I wanted to have the plan all in place before talking directly to FFIL, so it would just be "Hey, we're going to this place at this time, can't wait to see you." Instead of "Hey, so when are you free? Oh, that's no good for me, when else?" and "I don't know, where do you wanna go?" So, I checked in with FMIlL. Do you think FFIl will be free Tuesday for dinner, and do you have any ideas as to where he'd like to go? She says that he wants us to go to this wedding.
Now, I don't think that a wedding is the appropriate place to have your Father's Day stuff. I don't think that a reception is the appropriate place to give your father his card and his coffee mug. I also don't think it's appropriate for me, as someone who would literally only be going for the free food/booze, to go to this stranger's wedding. It makes me feel rude. Plus also, weddings are really only interesting if you actually care about the couple. So I told her that I wasn't planning on going to the wedding, but we would still like to take him out for dinner, to give him his presents, would that work? Again, the only reason I'm asking FMIl instead of FFIL is so that he doesn't have to plan anything, I can just tell him what the plan is. Maybe that's my mistake. She tells me that I should be talking to him.
Then the next day she tells me that his feelings are hurt and that the wedding is simply the most convenient place to get together and that I need to be a grown up and defend my position and be prepared for it if he gets mad.
So, how in the wrong am I and on what counts, and should I just go to the wedding?
