Wedding Etiquette Forum

Step Sister's Boyfirend's Kids

My step sister's boyfriend has three kids and she has two.  They've been together a little over a year.  We have a capacity limit of 150, and each child counts as a guest.  Do I not invite three of my friends so that his three kids can come?  Should I bring it up first, or wait until she does?

Re: Step Sister's Boyfirend's Kids

  • what kind of relationship do they have?  is she a maternal figure in their lives?  would she be offended if they weren't invited?

    need more info :)
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  • Do they live together?
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  • Those kids aren't family so if it was my wedding, they wouldn't be invited.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I think it depends what other kids you're inviting -- lots of them? Only family?
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-sisters-boyfirends-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b39555bd-e829-493e-981b-9cf07c330033Post:b7a49e85-77d1-4ba5-8060-4c8cf547ae54">Re: Step Sister's Boyfirend's Kids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Those kids aren't family so if it was my wedding, they wouldn't be invited.
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
    Same.
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  • I'm going to disagree here.  If your sister considers these children to be her family, then you should be treating them as such.  Are you considering inviting her children but not her boyfriend's children?  It really depends on the relationships here.  I have a blended family, and if one of my children was included at an event hosted by my ILs and the other was not, I would be very much offended. 

  • I'm leaning on the side of inviting them.

    What is the relationship? How old are they? Do they attend other family functions? Would she be pissed? Do they all live together? Are the kids of everyone else invited (would they be the only kids not invited)?

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  • FWIW, I didn't invite my now step-niece to our wedding.  We did family only kids (all two of them) and my brother and SIL weren't engaged at the time so she wasn't family.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-sisters-boyfirends-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b39555bd-e829-493e-981b-9cf07c330033Post:b7a49e85-77d1-4ba5-8060-4c8cf547ae54">Re: Step Sister's Boyfirend's Kids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Those kids aren't family so if it was my wedding, they wouldn't be invited.
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

    Ditto. I am not even inviting my step-brothers daughter. We only see SB 1-2 times a year and never met his daughter.
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  • ditto PPs - I need more info.  Do they live together?  are the kids with him full time or only on weekends? 

    I'm not inviting my brother's gf's kids, but they've only been casually dating for a few months; the gf hasn't even met our entire family, less yet her kids (I've only met one of the two).  But if they were more serious and the kids came to other family events (like birthdays or thanksgiving) then I would invite them....
  • When the plus one discussion comes up, we always point out that it's not our place to determine if a couple is in a "serious" relationship.  If a couple feels they're serious, then they're serious.  I think the same rule applies to children of significant others.  If the s/o in the family considers those children part of their family, who is the bride to judge that?  If the step-sister considers her bf's children to be HER children, or her step-children, if she considers them family at all, then it seems that the way to avoid hurting feelings is to invite the children.  Since OP hasn't come back, I have no idea if/how this applies to her. 

  • I agree with Mel.  If your step-sister considers them family, then they are family.  We're inviting my sister's in-laws because we always celebrate holidays with them.  One of my brother-in-law's brothers has a girlfriend with 2 kids.  They don't live together, but the couple is a social unit and all 4 of the kids act like siblings, so it was natural for me to include all of them.  A huge part for me was that all of the in-laws are like family for me, so this is just one more part of the family.  If we weren't as close, I could see it going another way.
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  • I agree with Mel completely about the relationship part.  It's a case-by-case basis.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Do your SS and her BF live together?  Does he have custody of the kids?  Come back, OP!  I need answers to be able to give you mine!
  • The OP has left the building.

    It really does all depend on the relationship (if there is one).
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  • Depends on family dynamics. Does the BF have primary custody or does he only see his kids occassionally? If they would normally be with him during your wedding, then yes. I'm definitely leaning towards yes here.

    The reason it depends on your family dynamics is that, well, my dad's girlfriend, for wedding purposes, was treated like part of the family - escorted in with parents, etc. However, her kids were not invited - they are adults, live on their own, and I haven't even met one. This is a situation that was perfectly acceptable to my dad and his girlfriend.
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  • I think it also depends on whether any other family members' children are invited.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-sisters-boyfirends-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b39555bd-e829-493e-981b-9cf07c330033Post:08807430-52df-4c26-b16b-b19dba0b7b7a">Re: Step Sister's Boyfirend's Kids</a>:
    [QUOTE]When the plus one discussion comes up, we always point out that it's not our place to determine if a couple is in a "serious" relationship.  If a couple feels they're serious, then they're serious.  I think the same rule applies to children of significant others.  If the s/o in the family considers those children part of their family, who is the bride to judge that?  If the step-sister considers her bf's children to be HER children, or her step-children, if she considers them family at all, then it seems that the way to avoid hurting feelings is to invite the children.  Since OP hasn't come back, I have no idea if/how this applies to her. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

    <div>Completely agee with this.  If they live together and she's active in their lives, you need to invite them, assuming you are inviting her bio kids.  If they're less serious and the step sister doesn't really consider these kids to be her family, I see no reason to include them.</div>
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