FMIL/Bachelorette Party Problems

swoodbury

So I'm in a very awkward situation with my FMIL right now. Awhile back she had casually asked what "we" were doing for my bachelorette party, and shocked I just told her I wasn't planning it. She is assuming that she is invited when she actually isn't. It did not even cross my mind to invite her to it. It just doesn't seem appropriate. 

My mom isn't invited and my 2 sisters are invited but they probably aren't going because it's not really their type of thing. My bachelorette party is going to be pretty wild and it would just be really awkard to have my FMIL there. 

I just don't want to hurt her feelings. But there is no way that she is going. What do I tell her? Help!

aleighk1

Just tell her you're not responsible for the planning and change the subject.

Mrs.B6302007

I'm totally laughing at the picture in my head of my MIL at my b-party.  =-)

Yeah, just change the subject. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmilbachelorette-party-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b401ffce-dbbd-4b8d-8fb4-75e21e8bb41ePost:5fe3d83d-a367-4a5c-a733-bd4bd50fa259">FMIL/Bachelorette Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]So I'm in a very awkward situation with my FMIL right now. Awhile back she had casually asked what "we" were doing for my bachelorette party, and shocked I just told her I wasn't planning it. She is assuming that she is invited when she actually isn't. It did not even cross my mind to invite her to it. It just doesn't seem appropriate.  My mom isn't invited and my 2 sisters are invited but they probably aren't going because it's not really their type of thing. My bachelorette party is going to be pretty wild and it would just be really awkard to have my FMIL there.  I just don't want to hurt her feelings. But there is no way that she is going. What do I tell her? Help!
Posted by swoodbury[/QUOTE]

I would just tell her politely that a bachelorette party is for the bride to be and her BM's and close friends, not the bride's Mom and FMIL. Tell her to come on TK or look it up on google.com

And definitely bean dip her/change the subject whenever she brings it up.

redheadfsu

Just tell her you are not planning it and don't know whether it is a family type of event or not. Then change the subject.

Stackeye210

I gave my mom a lap dance at my BP.  My MIL probably would have judged me.  So I totally know what you're worried about.  Since you are not planning it (obviously) maybe give the person who is a heads up that you do not feel comfortable withe her there. 

jmkaiser

My dad actually said it best. He decline to go to my FI's bach party because he said no matter what that day was about having a good time and not necessarily be on your best behavior. He didn't want to keep FI from having a good time because he was trying to be behaved or uber-respectful in front of my dad like my dad knew he would.

I think if you explain it kind of like that, she might understand.

HandBanana

Not saying you should just please your MIL and I know you aren't planning it, but could you maybe do a dinner before that your MIL could attend and maybe your sisters would go to?  This is common in the bachelorette parties I have gone to.  Nice dinner.  Parents and aunts leave then party and drinking.

Just an idea.

PsyDet 2155

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmilbachelorette-party-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b401ffce-dbbd-4b8d-8fb4-75e21e8bb41ePost:9447fd4b-4f80-4697-b17e-4b8bd3a83279">Re: FMIL/Bachelorette Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]Just tell her you're not responsible for the planning and change the subject.
Posted by aleighk1[/QUOTE]

This is what I would do.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmilbachelorette-party-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b401ffce-dbbd-4b8d-8fb4-75e21e8bb41ePost:921b1fe8-517f-414f-8449-39e1d2c8e35f">Re: FMIL/Bachelorette Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]Not saying you should just please your MIL and I know you aren't planning it, but could you maybe do a dinner before that your MIL could attend and maybe your sisters would go to?  This is common in the bachelorette parties I have gone to.  Nice dinner.  Parents and aunts leave then party and drinking. Just an idea.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

When my friend got married we started the night with a Cardinals game and her mom and aunts came to that -- after the game they went home and we got the party started.

My mom and I are very close and it would be weird if she weren't there, but there is no way in hell my FMIL will be. God that would be awkward.

jrkjpf

I couldn't even imagine my mom or fmil at mine.
My mom would be giggling in the corner the entire time, which my fmil would be trying to talk my ear off about cats, dogs and future kids...ugh...
Just go with the topic of you are not planning your party, and its usually for the BM's, close friends, etc

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmilbachelorette-party-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b401ffce-dbbd-4b8d-8fb4-75e21e8bb41ePost:9a1e5bdd-dc4b-402a-9783-b70de90018ca">Re: FMIL/Bachelorette Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL/Bachelorette Party Problems : When my friend got married we started the night with a Cardinals game and her mom and aunts came to that -- after the game they went home and we got the party started. My mom and I are very close and it would be weird if she weren't there, but there is no way in hell my FMIL will be. God that would be awkward.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]


Same thing for mine.  White Sox game, parents and family go home, then we start drinking. 

swoodbury

Thanks for the advice! I don't want to just avoid the question if she asks again, so I will probably just explain to her that it's more for me and my friends. Hopefully she doesn't take it the wrong way. The last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings. 

We are going to an amusement park during the day that my sisters were going to go to. But once again I would feel awkard with her there. Even if we are just at an amusement park. I feel like the bachelorette party is for me to let loose, and that just wouldn't happen if she was there.

Beachy730

I would definitely explain to her that your own mother isn't even invited.  If she still thinks she should be invited if your mom isn't, then she's just a giant PITA.

lisa89760

My mom and aunts and FMIL are coming to mine...but I don't plan on changing my behavior.  My mom has seen me like that and has already said she isn't going out to the bars on saturday night, but the dinner and everything.  Hopefully my FMIL will follow her!

specialk84

It's really common in FI's family for the aunts and moms to attend the BP.  That is absolutely not my scene, even though I don't want anything too wild.  

OP, I anticipate being in a similar situation in a few months.  Whatever you figure out, please keep me posted.

achiduck

Any time she brings it up, tell her that you're not in charge of planning it. Then bean dip her (aka change the subject assp).

I agree that it's weird for her to attend it/want to attend it. Definitely not common practice in my circle and I'm pretty sure the region.

April Hewson

I am having my mom and fmil come out for dinner with us before hand and the a limo come get me and my friends to go out. you can get around it by saying there isn't room.