Is there a correct way to turn away Cousins?

mandafern · July 2012

My Fiance has 42 Adult Cousins who are all expecting an invite for them and their families. This totals over 150 people, which doubles the guest list. It is also more than what what our venue (and a our budget) can handle. We found this out after we put down deposits on our reception hall and caterers.

Now his Grandma is threatening to not allow us to use our ceremony site (a lighthouse muesum on the shore of Lake Superior that is the Curator for) unless we invite all the cousins and thier families.

If we invite them all our budget will be $4000 more than our orginal $7000 budget. We are paying for most everything out of pocket. The only thing we are not paying for is half of my dress, which my Grandmother insisted on paying for.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Just inviting them to the dancing part would only make thing worse, and we cannot pick and choose which people can bring kids since my 4 year old cousin is our flower girl.

Please help!

adamar15 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-there-a-correct-way-to-turn-away-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b48465c9-3298-4a91-afaa-4fc62da379aaPost:cbf3866c-16ab-4ae7-8491-a4d82cf12864">Is there a correct way to turn away Cousins?</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance has 42 Adult Cousins who are all expecting an invite for them and their families. This totals over 150 people, which doubles the guest list. It is also more than what what our venue (and a our budget) can handle. We found this out after we put down deposits on our reception hall and caterers. Now his Grandma is threatening to not allow us to use our ceremony site (a lighthouse muesum on the shore of Lake Superior that is the Curator for) unless we invite all the cousins and thier families. If we invite them all our budget will be $4000 more than our orginal $7000 budget. We are paying for most everything out of pocket. The only thing we are not paying for is half of my dress, which my Grandmother insisted on paying for. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Just inviting them to the dancing part would only make thing worse, and we cannot pick and choose which people can bring kids since my 4 year old cousin is our flower girl. Please help!
Posted by mandafern[/QUOTE]

Don't invite them to "just the dancing part." That's rude and they would have every right to be offended. Your flower girl can be the only kid invited if you want. If Grandma is going to act like a petty child, then I'd just find a new ceremony venue.

rsaleh84 · July 2012

We decided to have immediate family member's children, as well as OOT children only. I agree with other's replies...find another ceremony if GMa is pulling that card on you guys...you shouldn't have to go over your budget, especially that much, with no one offering to help and to appease people who obviously don't care how you feel.

ootmother2 · July 2012

I answered you on the invitation board

jemmini6 · July 2012

You can try to explain to your grandma that it's just not in your budget, so if she really feels that way, that you'll just have to find a new ceremony venue because there is no way for you to invite everyone.

I have almost 40 adult cousins as well and I didn't invite them, they understood, the world kept spinning. It's not that big of a deal.

chalfacre · July 2012

Find a different ceremony site if she wants to play that game. If you two are paying, then you two decide on who gets an invite.

Edit: I will add that FI's mom added a significant amount to our guest list, but she is paying for our catering so she can make that call. If we had been paying, there is no way I would have been able to afford extra guests, and wouldn't have just in order to be a people pleaser.