Caught between Bride's future MIL and our parents

HippieShake

My stepsister is getting married thousands of miles from home. Before getting flights, I asked her if kids were going to be invited or not. She said "yes, but we won't have specific activities for kids." Her website also says "all out of town guests are invited to rehearsal dinner and other events." So we booked 4 tickets to fly there, with our 3 and 4 year old. Rehearsal dinner invite from future MIL arrived in the mail with only us adults on it. I emailed RSVP asking if rehearsal dinner was adults-only. The answer was "yes." Well, now we are spending thousands of dollars to fly to a wedding and are being told we can pay a babysitter service in our hotel, to watch our kids (which we won't do - would have left the kids at home if we knew this were the case). Mentioned to my mom, stepdad called his daughter (bride), she sent me an email saying she would tell her future MIL to please let the kids come to the rehearsal dinner. This is the last I heard. MIL has not emailed me back changing her mind. Stepdad says I should just tell her the 4 of us will be at dinner and be done with it. I don't know how to proceed.

lyndausvi

I know it sucks but as the hosts of the party they can decided not to have kids attend. It's only the RD. Just decline the invitation or have your DH watch the kids while you attend for a short time.

jcamm11

I think you should either pay for the babysitter service, or go get dinner with your kids, then meet up with the wedding party later.  I agree, "all out of town guests will be invited to the RD," should have included the children, as they are also out of town guests, but this isn't the bride's choice - it's her FMIL's.  It would be more rude on your part to bring your kids after you were asked not to, and would probably embarass the bride, and just make for an uncomfortable experience.

If the bride's website had not said you would be invited to the RD, would you have skipped the wedding?  Just do as you would have had you only been invited to the wedding.

McKenna2012

Yeah, I would just not go to the RD, or like Lynda said, just you go for a bit. 

Summer2011Bride

If you aren't comfortable with the babysitting service (and I don't blame you), I would not go to the RD. Just RSVP no for it, but still attend the wedding. I agree it's lame to say all guests would be invited and leave out the kids, but it sounds like a FMIL decision, not the bride's, since the in-laws are probably hosting and paying for it.

lyndausvi

Just want to point out that it might have been presumptuous of the couple to assume everyone was invited to the RD on the website. I'm sure the FMIL did not have any control over the site. Also you spent thousands of dollars to go to the WEDDING. Being invited to other events are bonuses. I get being disappointed. I really do. But I think you are making to much of a big deal over this. It's just an RD.

SparrowSong

Yeah, just decline the RD. You can find something more fun to do anyway. : )

Calypso1977

you could still leave the kids at home and take a credit on the plane fare, if you think you will travel again within a year.

Tanq&Tonic

Annoying?  Yes.  Inconsiderate of FMIL?  Also yes.  But hardly a dealbreaker.  If you don't want to hire a sitter (which I probably also would not), just decline the RD if the children remain uninvited. 

mica178

I'd consider declining the RD and having a nice night out with your H and kids, rather than try to find a babysitter and sit at some random RD where you don't know many people.  Or you can go to the RD for a short time while your H watches the kids.

It sucks, I know, but this is the hosts' decision.  Your stepsister probably should not have told you stuff before she had the plans hammered out.