Question

nda_roxybabe

Which Bear is the best bear?
Kidding.

T's B-day dinner is going to be next saturday. He wants to invite his nieces father, M. who is no longer with T's sister and hasn't been in 2+ years.
T just called up his sister (before I could tell him not to) to see if she was ok with him inviting M. She flat out said no, T said "oh, is it awkward for you?" She said "no its awkward for N" (her fiance).

Ok...so T wants M there, would it be really bad to invite M regardless?

apple_green

Yes, it would be awkard. Are they BFFs or something?

brookelynpaisley

Eek, tough choice. It IS T's birthday and what he wants should matter most, but I could see how it would be weird with the fiance there. Then again, if there's a kid involved, chances are they've crossed paths and have managed to act like adults. Yeah, I'm on the fence, sorry.

jasmineh7777

Are T and M friends?
If M and sister have kids, her fiance is going to have to learn to deal with him anyway.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b525eaa1-0de6-492e-800d-4d2839806bcePost:22b182a3-8199-41cb-b896-15d032c4b346">Re: Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that if he hadn't asked, it would be fine. But because you KNOW you'll be making other guests uncomfortable, why push it? (Unless there will be TONS of people there, where they could sit clear across the room).
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

I like this answer too. If he'd just invite M without telling his sister, that'd be one thing. But since she said no, it'd probably raise tension. She's be thinking "why'd he ask if my opinion didn't matter?"

nda_roxybabe

Oh, and the reason T even suggested it is because he was told that everyone is cool with each other and that M will be invited to their (sisters) wedding.

jasmineh7777

Hmm. If they aren't good friends, then it probably isn't worth the drama.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b525eaa1-0de6-492e-800d-4d2839806bcePost:98a20286-09d7-4624-8dff-bc2ef9796ad3">Re: Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and the reason T even suggested it is because he was told that everyone is cool with each other and that M will be invited to their (sisters) wedding.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

If they're inviting them to her wedding, then a little birthday party should be a piece of cake. Personally, I think it's way weirder that he'd be invited to his ex's wedding.

nda_roxybabe

T and M are friends, they have gone out together and T really likes M

brookelynpaisley

I'm waffling. Invite him then. It should be what the birthday boy wants. If this new couple is okay enough with M to invite them to their wedding, they can suck it up for their brother/FBIL's sake for a night if that's what makes him happy.

jasmineh7777

Oh, okay. I agree, I think it's odd that he is going to the wedding. A birthday party shouldn't be weird at all, if they are okay with him being at a wedding.
Also, there are some ladies on here that have some pretty crappy ex-situations, and yet they manage to be civil. Unless it was a really bad breakup, I think they should all be able to behave themselves.

brookelynpaisley

And also, can you tell me where this potential trainwreck will be happening so I can play fly on the wall?

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b525eaa1-0de6-492e-800d-4d2839806bcePost:6f092a0c-e354-4ba5-95c6-9205af84601a">Re: Question</a>:
[QUOTE]How many people will be at T's birthday supper?
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]
His mom,  stepdad, me, his sister and her FI....5.

um, sorry, apparently I'm wrong about him being invited to the wedding. I swear someone had said that but T said he doesn't think so.

nda_roxybabe

It was not a bad breakup at all.
Brooke- firebirds @ Chandler mall

Apparently I do not have my facts down at all (T is flitting around)
T said he had already invited M, M said yes then T thought to ask sister if it was ok...
So he is in a bit of a bind....

He kind of didn't even want to invite his sister after all her BS last week though....

brookelynpaisley

Yep, I'm going to have to reneg on my saying to invite T. Sheesh, this is complicated.

Edit: er, invite M. Although it could be amusing if you just forgot to invite the birthday boy.

jasmineh7777

If this is crazy mean sister, I could see her being...well crazy and mean about it.

nda_roxybabe

Sigh, T jumped the gun big, big time.

jasmineh7777

Yeah, I think he will either have to un-invite M, which will be all sorts of awkward, or piss of his sister. Although pissing off the sister may be somewhat gratifying, no?

nda_roxybabe

Ahhh hahahah she just threatened to kick T out of her wedding.

T said that he also invited 2 other friends.

jasmineh7777

Wow. Invite M and every other ex you can get ahold of. Maybe then she will just leave you two alone.

nda_roxybabe

Well, thank you girls. Sorry I asked for your advice not realizing T had already done it!

We will see how it works out haha

Sunshine9463

Oh, FFS. Tell her to get over herself.

"You invited my kids' father to your birthday! OMG!!! I dont care if your friends! Your the worst brother EVAR! You can't be in my wedding nooow!"
This is what I hear in my head when I imaging the situation.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b525eaa1-0de6-492e-800d-4d2839806bcePost:e90f6f20-d589-448f-990f-7f42be8759e1">Re: Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, FFS. Tell her to get over herself. "You invited my kids' father to your birthday! OMG!!! I dont care if your friends! Your the worst brother EVAR! You can't be in my wedding nooow!" This is what I hear in my head when I imaging the situation.
Posted by Sunshine9463[/QUOTE]
Like that but more dramatic.
T definitely went about things the wrong way though

Sunshine9463

Oh, for sure. There was definitely other, um, tactful ways to handle this.

I think though, no matter how he approached it, she was going to throw a shiit fit if someone, anyone, was there that she didn't approve of, ya know? Seems to me everything revolves around her wishes.
 

nda_roxybabe

Correct. Her way or no way
MY favorite is how T is going to get kicked out of the wedding

brookelynpaisley

Maybe it's best for everyone. No more BSC sister, yay!!

Sunshine9463

Tell him wise Pinot thinks he dodged a bullet on that one.
She's probably a bride that hands out bridesmaid and groomsman "responsibility" pamphlets.

Seriously, she is just saying that to make him lay awake at night and think about what a horrid brother he is. I'd tell her to shove it.
 
NOT rational advice, obviously, but an option? Maybe?

nda_roxybabe

He said he does not care, he loves it. His sister is ridiculous and it does not bug him.
M just called T.....his sister did threaten to call M and uninvite him. We will see if that happened.

mags0607

T really put himself in a wierd situation.

 But, if sister kicks him out the wedding, this snafu might be a blessing in disguise. Sister sounds like such a peach.

Sunshine9463

Oh, man.
She was going to call and uninvite him?

nda_roxybabe

Yes, T did. Typical of him, he acts too quick sometimes and I'm like wait, what did you just do??

Yes, she told T she would call M and tell him how inappropriate it is of him to come and that he cant come.